my mum and dad understand why I will not share any special day with anyone at their wedding. I will not since the age of 23 I said no lets not go to cousins wedding down the coast mum, they don't care about us. no mum I won't go to louises children christaining and be made to feel less all the time. mum and dad understand why I won't be involved in going to relatives weddings if they can't be supportive of me having love then why should I with them. mum and dad said if it were them they would feel the same way they feel the same way now. they all made fun of us. making fun of my mum and fathers wedding, making fun of my sister on wedding day infront of her guests making comments about sex positions as if she was some whore, they made fun of me at the rsl quest events I should never have asked them to help I should have known they always take over and steal the limelight and scene stealers and can't bare to see me looking great so jealous they had to have me ugly and unmarried and neglected and ignored. a person doesn't forget that. all those mongrel alp scum abusing us kids. going through bedrooms reading personal dream journals and stealing wills and diaries and getting in the way. mum said she won't go to any relatives weddings either. she refuses to because they ignored her and me, she said she will not go seeing they abused me so badly.

my mum and dad understand why I will not share any special day with anyone at their wedding. I will not since the age of 23 I said no lets not go to cousins wedding down the coast mum, they don't care about us. no mum I won't go to louises children christaining and be made to feel less all the time. mum and dad understand why I won't be involved in going to relatives weddings if they can't be supportive of me having love then why should I with them. mum and dad said if it were them they would feel the same way they feel the same way now. they all made fun of us. making fun of my mum and fathers wedding, making fun of my sister on wedding day infront of her guests making comments about sex positions as if she was some whore, they made fun of me at the rsl quest events I should never have asked them to help I should have known they always take over and steal the limelight and scene stealers and can't bare to see me looking great so jealous they had to have me ugly and unmarried and neglected and ignored. a person doesn't forget that. all those mongrel alp scum abusing us kids. going through bedrooms reading personal dream journals and stealing wills and diaries and getting in the way. mum said she won't go to any relatives weddings either. she refuses to because they ignored her and me, she said she will not go seeing they abused me so badly.
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I am envious of people who have a true love memory and experience like good times with someone special. I never have. I have never had sex with a man I love ever. never been kissed by a guy I like ever. never had a sweet innocent romance ever. I can't say remember the night we found real love and we had wanted to get together for ages and finally did. I can't say that. I have no love that felt the same way back ever. I liked guys a lot older then me like the czech tennis player over the road in my teens and the cricket players when I was just 10 I would go watch to the live cricket a lot. at roller skating lessons I liked this guy as well and I was 6 and he was about 17 or 18. I liked guys way too early as a child but i would never tell them. even at college one got my bus another was in my drama class and I got to hold his hand that was about it. I went to the ballet and lots of good looking men there and at university my teachers some were really good looking in law but I was just a loser student. I wasn't pretty enough or rich enough for them. I found out what evil bastards men are even the cute ones can turn on you and go evil sicko, let alone the bad ones who just rape you. I love a few guys were normal who I should have given my virginity to over being raped anyway. they are the ones I still think of and its best I guess we don't meet. last winter I was at the beach and I seen the hottest young guy and another surf young guy was looking at me and I have big boobs but I was not showy or anything but I was thinking "well why are you looking at me like that your so young and completely beautiful all I could have wanted in guy when I was a teenager. I never got to have a teen romance. instead dumb neighbor tried to push me with this old bastard of 38 when I was 16, so nothing much happened there he was so boring. he might have had money but he had nothing else. like the model pilot I went out with a useless heap of crap he was. if he had of dated me when I was a teen or in my early 20s I would have been interested but not when he was hitting 46 and I was just 27. so I stood him up one night cuz he was a complete sleaze bag worse then what becs sister in law said about rick she called him a sleaze bag to me. rick really messed me up and i wish I had met someone better then. everyone else gets to have nice romances and happy endings and I don't and I am sick of it. everytime I am bashed and have to get bashed up and its not worth it. I stopped looking for love over 15 years ago and friends. emma hurt me and other female friends you learn not to let anyone in.

I am envious of people who have a true love memory and experience like good times with someone speci...

can you now see tracey? can you now see how australians want to leave australia to get a better life somewhere else???? we are so suppressed and abused and poverty struck and conservo and have no place to go that we understand is home anymore! can you now see why an abused white woman would not find burlesque and strip in some weirdo woman's social group that only help divorced women and foreign or gay women and to me its as not fun? can you now see tracey? can you? cuz I am always listening to everyones words carefully and watching body language and omissions and constructs around them! can you now see how most people in australia are doing it tough unfairly and the white prejudice just because we are white and we have to move and study overseas to be educated and to count we have to marry a foreigner to survive so called equality cuz no Australian men will pay homage to their own people, everything is contructed around no social activity other then professional and to break that code would be morally judged so I can't date my australian coach at the gym but others from overseas can and I have to bring in a south american or russian because no australians see me as equal but outsiders do out away from this country I am respected, but here no respect often and employ them or friend them or date them. we have to date foreigners to feel worthy because we don't get that here from our own kind.

can you now see tracey? can you now see how australians want to leave australia to get a better life...