I have very little practical skill after working as a model since 14 and right now I live in a nice apartment in a big city all thanks to a married man I've met. I know this is wrong but my whole life has been full of difficulties and the industry was full of things that were worse. I would like to be able to support myself but I have no degree of qualifications or money of my own. Everything I earned went to my family back home so my parents had money for rent and my siblings were able to stay in school. I just feel so defeated after everything that's happened that this seemed better in comparison. I live every day in guilt and fear that everything I have could disappear. I am constantly afraid that he will abandon me. I hate what the doormen and neighbors might know if they suspect anything. I hate having to explain what I do because honestly it's nothing. As I get older my chances of him leaving me are only going to increase. I am desperately trying to figure out what to do with myself but I've never gotten the chance to develop skills that earn money. I tried to apply at jobs in retail and restaurants but was turned away due to lack of experience. Sometimes I feel like the peak of my life is already over and there isn't much left for me. The worst part is I really love him now maybe more than he cares for me.