My birthday is tomorrow, and for the first time in my life I'll spend it all alone. My family is 200+ miles away, and my father just told me he is moving to california tomorrow. It is my first year in college and I have social anxiety that stopped me from going out and making friends when everyone else was. Now everybody is cliqued up and I am all alone. The worst part is knowing I still have a semester left in this hellhole. I used to have a 6 pack from varsity sports and be ripped and confident, now I am pudgy and alone.

there is no enjoyment to look forward to in life, I have given up on believing some man will love me. joyce was right I am so ugly I have to bark like a dog for a man to love me. she didn't need to tell me that I already knew I was ugly but she didn't have to add insult to injury and enjoy seeing my university and romance and health failures like some sexual pervert voyuer needing to watch me go through things to make her feel better about herself. I still can't see how it helps her or me for me to be left on the shelf in every way possible and not allowed a husband or children or friends or fun. and I can't help it if I just don't love ken or russel or rick. I need a man who will act like a man and stop fighting act grown up and take responsibility for himself. I don't know why I have had to gain weight again to make sarina russo whore feel better about her ugly dogfaced self. I mean nothing could make those women feel better anyway, they just enjoy abusing certain women out of jealousy I guess I should have done it back to heaps of women myself. I wish I could bash katy back now and joyce and my sister for all the abuse and lies she has done. no one in this family loves her anymore but her delis' filipinas and I hate filipinas. they sicken me and my dad.

there is no enjoyment to look forward to in life, I have given up on believing some man will love me...

I am significantly depressed wondering why men have rejected me, but its not going to make me want k...