I don't want ken carey or any royals from uk or germany to contact me ever again. I don't want want to hear from a lot of people from my past because all you did was take and use and abuse and I its so one sided and your bullying and controlling and rude. I want to have room for fun new people in my life from other parts of the world who I have missed out on meeting who will treat me better. I just am like my parents and sister now we don't want to mix with relatives who have hurt us and we don't want to see our brother and his wife and kids and we don't want to know my mums relatives much. we keep to ourselves for the last 15 years and no one invited us much who didn't take us down. so I don't know how else to put it. I just know I am worth better then all that and want to move to better loving people and the new people I am with in my life are all that matter to me right now.

I was nieve and stupid trusting the people I did, I was dumb for trusting joyce and ken and rick and that poxy film group, I was stupid for trusting the choirs and churches. I was dumb for trusting samatha who used me and put me with wrong men who were too old for me and we had nothing in common. ken and I had nothing in common in personality and that is the same with russell and wayne we had absolutely nothing in common at all. my sisters friends - allan and peter and I had nothing in common. no one treated me like a friend who was worthy of being important or being a pretty bride, I should never have trusted leigh morris, she was not caring about my needs and should never have been allowed to do that. if I had of known ken was not going to drive I would not have got in the car, I have noticed in the past I have done things to keep the peace at all costs, and I didn't pick up on what people were engineering for me that was not what I wanted. what would make someone thing that just because a girl says oh that person seems an ok sort of person does not mean you want sex with them no questions asked, just looking at someone is not enough for me, no person has ever lived up to what they say or what I expect of them. its made me question if my values and expectations are at a much higher level then others and I am more self aware and I am more reserved and not flirty and I dont put myself out there a lot anyway. I am not really in the mood for sex and love most of the time, I feel my skills are going to waste. I want a job and husband and ken and rick and russell were never ment to be in my personal place and world, they were other peoples friends and not ment to be my freind. just like most of the jobs. i never got one job I really wanted but I had jobs I learnt to do on the job and most were not to the standards I expected and not to the wages and care I expected, like I was in a specialist office and I was really impressed with how well this asian speicalist was treating his office staff. I have never been valued anywhere. people awlays soon forget me and regret employing me . no one ever asks me out enough. no one has ever given me what I need.

I was nieve and stupid trusting the people I did, I was dumb for trusting joyce and ken and rick and...

I have had enough of being abused by you guys alright. I have rights and my doctors are not impresse...

mindfulness is not the answer- finding a husband and feeling wanted in employment is the answer. bei...