its a good thing I love my cats they cost us over $2,500 in the last few weeks and I need a holiday or a wage or something. I wish they could pay for their keep. all I do is apply for stupid jobs and never get a look in the door and I am sick of it. even when I had cancer I applied for jobs. even on disability I applied for jobs living in hope life could get better. I think its a sure guarentee that I won't marry or have kids or work full time or graduate from university - university was a complete waste of time and engery. I had to do something its not like I had hot guys after me. no one ever put in a huge effort to show any heart or ask me out like they ment it. I am sick of being abused. people wonder why i am celibate most of my life, but I was a virgin til 29 and had no job that I wanted to have. I didn't have privilege. no one ever saw value or competency in me but sandy when I was young. no one asked me what subjects at school i was good at and aim for work in that. I was told to just get any job the lowest possible casual part time hotel room cleaner apart from selling programs at sporting events and pocket money jobs, that is all its ever been pocket money jobs. at least i did save some while doing hotel work but it was hard on my back, near bloody killed me doing that work from 6am til 3 or 4 pm some days. I was lucky if I got home after 4 even if i finished at 2pm cuz of trains, university I had to travel 2 hours there and 2 hours home every freaking day. what for? to be treated like this? I never asked for this sort of life. no one said to me "if your good at bookkeeping go do that or go try something in retail etc" it was like joyce was like, "do the lowest level work cuz that is all you are and can hope for cuz you are shit" that was the message i picked up from her all the time. you can't have a police man or a male model or a doctor or anything I have. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EwViQxSJJQ joyce was standing in my front yard laughing putting me down, telling me how I am such a fool, I would never have a man like her. every woman did that to me but a few. joyce must know about me, what I do. since I am not your everything as a client and client loyalty, replacing you has been easier then I ever imagined.

its a good thing I love my cats they cost us over $2,500 in the last few weeks and I need a holiday or a wage or something. I wish they could pay for their keep. all I do is apply for stupid jobs and never get a look in the door and I am sick of it. even when I had cancer I applied for jobs. even on disability I applied for jobs living in hope life could get better. I think its a sure guarentee that I won't marry or have kids or work full time or graduate from university - university was a complete waste of time and engery. I had to do something its not like I had hot guys after me. no one ever put in a huge effort to show any heart or ask me out like they ment it. I am sick of being abused. people wonder why i am celibate most of my life, but I was a virgin til 29 and had no job that I wanted to have. I didn't have privilege. no one ever saw value or competency in me but sandy when I was young. no one asked me what subjects at school i was good at and aim for work in that. I was told to just get any job the lowest possible casual part time hotel room cleaner apart from selling programs at sporting events and pocket money jobs, that is all its ever been pocket money jobs. at least i did save some while doing hotel work but it was hard on my back, near bloody killed me doing that work from 6am til 3 or 4 pm some days. I was lucky if I got home after 4 even if i finished at 2pm cuz of trains, university I had to travel 2 hours there and 2 hours home every freaking day. what for? to be treated like this? I never asked for this sort of life. no one said to me "if your good at bookkeeping go do that or go try something in retail etc" it was like joyce was like, "do the lowest level work cuz that is all you are and can hope for cuz you are shit" that was the message i picked up from her all the time. you can't have a police man or a male model or a doctor or anything I have. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EwViQxSJJQ joyce was standing in my front yard laughing putting me down, telling me how I am such a fool, I would never have a man like her. every woman did that to me but a few. joyce must know about me, what I do. since I am not your everything as a client and client loyalty, replacing you has been easier then I ever imagined.
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More from 'Pride' category

its weird that I really feel I have had to learn to hate myself as I did as a child all over again to find peace in myself but I am still sexually and romantically unfullfilled and I know I have a lot of love to give a man and long for marriage which is now becoming nothing but an embarrasement and deep hurt now, that in some way I failed to be worthy and captivating enough to engage a mans love or attentions in all the normal ways a woman should expect to, like my sister had her lovely perfect wedding day young, so did my cousin louise who I used to look up to because she was so clever and I was the dumb one I guess, brigette had her lovely wedding day young as did karen my brothers wife and other family members and I am thinking "what the fuck hell was so fucking wrong about me?" why wasn't I good enough at 21? or 24 or 30? why did I have to be this expection and be date raped something I never pictured in the story of myself. it was something I always dreaded and feared being raped because as a child when I was being molested I didn't have that vocabulary at 5 to say "this old man is molesting me or he is a pedophile" I didn't know the words, I just had seen rape scenes on tv shows and soaps and movies and the girl or woman feeling wounded and that was my only way to describe what this old man was doing to me, it felt dirty and wrong, it felt strange and made me want to faint, and yet sexual orgasm was interesting but it all became a hell for me as a 4 or 5 year old I would describe him abusing me often as raping me cuz that was all I knew in words it felt shameful and guilty and shocking and gross. i think that people don't understand that I was sexually assaulted as a child by many people not just 1 person. there were other people, older kids female and male, other old men and being attacked in the throat was painful and that was all because I was copying this abusive man who was doing this to me copying his swearing he was always calling me :a little cunt, and I think it is disgraceful of any man to speak like that to a child a little girl of 4 or 5 is just so upsetting. the dirty things he said to me and the shit he was putting in my head. it was not right and nothing that I have been through has ever been handled right which only makes the problems all the more worse and upsetting. the house fire the alcoholism the killing of live stock and burning off bodies makes me sick. that is shame.

its weird that I really feel I have had to learn to hate myself as I did as a child all over again t...

pet peeves people who use phrases like "tell it to the hand cus the face don't want to listen" or "IMAO" in my arrogant opinion, these people have nothing to be arrogant about but should be grateful and humble and it is really insulting to be in the company of assholes who talk down at you but can't see that they do things that they critize you for, like defaming companies for minor traces of caffeine etc and yet don't make a issue over too much nuts or whatever and how they can cause illness and contradict themselves in other videos saying the opposite which I have noticed some health people do which is really confusing or thinking they are cool with stupid dialogue and utudy celebs who film every aspect of their lives talking too fast and raving on about mindless stuff that was once interesting on their videos that just lack substance. people who are constantly fiddling with their mobile while out with you are truely annoying and how rude at a meeting or medical appointment unless urgent to take a personal call ? and eat at a five star fine dining restaurant near the chef only to stare at a mobile all day during the menu. I must admit I have been working in industrial kitchens a few times and last time I was so ill and had to fake my interest in the chocolate the whole time it made me want to vomit and I had to fake my liking of it to be socially acceptable, then like I meet gay chefs from france who work in big hotels talking vulgar comments about piping meringue techniques while I am trying to prepare 100 or more parlor high tea sweets, so I did down the champagne in this huge kitchen after putting up with him. guys who talk to you as if you are their past partners and your just "no, I want out of this crap", and then there are these "hate talk" people like my sister and others who are just filled with hate talk that my doctor says he wanted to protect from because its so un-needed. sometimes the people who are labeled crazy for saying they are being violated or abused are not crazy and actually are being abused and not just attention seeking. wow what a new concept!

pet peeves people who use phrases like "tell it to the hand cus the face don't want to listen" or "I...