a lot of people don't understand that I am regularly in pain and I get cranky and moody with the pain. I should be seeing my back/brain surgeon soon but yesterday my tailbone where rick kicked me one night it often aches and I told my therapist about him kicking me because he wanted to know. I said I really don't know what made him do that we were all out together in a group and walking along the street and he started lifting him knee - so it was a knee kick several times and I said to him "would you stop that please that hurts and its not funny" and he still kept doing it like the guy had a mental problem and my therapist said "he sounds like he would have been violently abusive towards you" well that is why I left the group in the end because all this loser could do was act like a stupid clown rather than a mature adult and my doctor got his name and wrote down the details when it happened and this loser rick was only doing things because joyce was always saying "this is the kick up the bum you deserve" etc and he would live it out and take it on himself to abuse and "punish" me I told my doctor and clearly the guy was a mental case like joyce. once again, a stupid dick who felt he could abuse anyone he wanted and I have since told police as my doctor told me to.

a lot of people don't understand that I am regularly in pain and I get cranky and moody with the pain. I should be seeing my back/brain surgeon soon but yesterday my tailbone where rick kicked me one night it often aches and I told my therapist about him kicking me because he wanted to know. I said I really don't know what made him do that we were all out together in a group and walking along the street and he started lifting him knee - so it was a knee kick several times and I said to him "would you stop that please that hurts and its not funny" and he still kept doing it like the guy had a mental problem and my therapist said "he sounds like he would have been violently abusive towards you" well that is why I left the group in the end because all this loser could do was act like a stupid clown rather than a mature adult and my doctor got his name and wrote down the details when it happened and this loser rick was only doing things because joyce was always saying "this is the kick up the bum you deserve" etc and he would live it out and take it on himself to abuse and "punish" me I told my doctor and clearly the guy was a mental case like joyce. once again, a stupid dick who felt he could abuse anyone he wanted and I have since told police as my doctor told me to.
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just feeling like life is hopeless. was supposed to go out yesterday to a show and today to a show and I was so tired and I woke up with really bad back pain and I was thinking "Oh just go you will only ache in the back at home, why not ache in the back out for a while looking at other things meeting new people" but I was like "I have nothing to wear" I feel so ugly and fat and why should I bother, I said to mum I think I will get so fat I can only fit into a huge robe towel only and just watch every bitch who has abused me wear all my pretty clothes and self punishment and penance that the bayside family christain church said I had to go through penance for the abuse in my childhood. so I guess I have to set my punishment daily ! and I told my nephew/god son to never speak to me again cuz the publishing company from filiofuckoland kept calling every time I spoke to my nephew and this was offending and freaking me out. and I also told the churches and nuns "we won't be back I got the message about warbrokes bastard whore kid walking over me" and my resentment is as strong as ever towards the catholics at st mary;s ipswich and carmelites because silence never helped me and they were abusive to my father at their job network anyway. and I just feel the catholic church blantantly obviously let me down compared to their helping my sister and brother and I told them so!

just feeling like life is hopeless. was supposed to go out yesterday to a show and today to a show a...