all in one

i'll only do one of these just to get it off my conscious so that i know that it's out there somewhere: <ul> <li>i'm bi, nobody knows and my mother happened to make an off hand comment about if she ever found out one of her children were with someone of the same sex she would disown them</li> <li>i'm in love with my best friends, but she doesn't know it</li> <li>i'm a girl and my best friend is a girl too</li> <li>i hate my father, i'll never forgive him and i don't feel bad about it because he was given ample times to mend his ways...he didn't now he is out of the picture, and i am glad</li> <li>i've chosen wicca as my religion, but my mother doesn't know</li> <li>my family is catholic, they don't like jewish people or other religions, they think it is stupid and i'm ashamed of them</li> <li>my mother has made a lot of racial comments about people, mostly african americans, and i'm ashamed of her</li> <li>i have a lot of gay friends but i won't come out of the closet as a bisexual even though they would accept me because i'm too guarded and ashamed</li> <li>i can admit all this anonymously on the internet, but not even to myself in a diary or to a close friend, for that, i'm truly sorry because i don't have as much trust in them as i should</li> </ul>
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So much for "Best Friend" I am so sick of putting up with shit from my so-called "Best friend"! He constantly makes me feel like shit, uses me, asks me for things, and makes me feel like a fucking burden to him. And the other day i made a mistake, a big one albeit, but all the same. Background, I'm gay, he's straight, and very comfortable with his sexuality and it's never been a problem between us. We even kiss sometimes, just because I think that way he thinks he's doing something for me so he has something to hold over my head. Anyways, the other night I spent the night at his house, and i kissed him good night, and the confession is I don't know what happened/what i was thinking but i just didn't pull away. It wasn't a make out session or anything, and I certainly don't want him like that at all, but I just didn't pull away. And i apologized for it, and he didn't make a big deal out of it at all and we went on to have a great night. However, the next day, he told I made him ridiculously uncomfortable, and how he didn't want to be around me anymore. I have done so much for this bitch, he has a terrible home life, I have snuck him out of his house, he went without a job for a while, I fed him. I even filled his gas tank, so he could go see his ex-girlfriend 2 hours away. I even bought her fucking birthday gift for him. I have done nothing but love and help this guy, and then tonight he told me that he has been thinking that I have been using him for his body this entire time... like i was some manipulative rapist. I have had several boyfriends and multiple hook ups in our time, I'm far from sex hungry. I was raped as an 8 year old... and being compared to that monster... I've never been hit so hard. I hate him. And i regret loving him so much.

So much for "Best Friend" I am so sick of putting up with shit from my so-called "Best friend"! He ...