all in one

i'll only do one of these just to get it off my conscious so that i know that it's out there somewhere: <ul> <li>i'm bi, nobody knows and my mother happened to make an off hand comment about if she ever found out one of her children were with someone of the same sex she would disown them</li> <li>i'm in love with my best friends, but she doesn't know it</li> <li>i'm a girl and my best friend is a girl too</li> <li>i hate my father, i'll never forgive him and i don't feel bad about it because he was given ample times to mend his ways...he didn't now he is out of the picture, and i am glad</li> <li>i've chosen wicca as my religion, but my mother doesn't know</li> <li>my family is catholic, they don't like jewish people or other religions, they think it is stupid and i'm ashamed of them</li> <li>my mother has made a lot of racial comments about people, mostly african americans, and i'm ashamed of her</li> <li>i have a lot of gay friends but i won't come out of the closet as a bisexual even though they would accept me because i'm too guarded and ashamed</li> <li>i can admit all this anonymously on the internet, but not even to myself in a diary or to a close friend, for that, i'm truly sorry because i don't have as much trust in them as i should</li> </ul>
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I'm just so confused and hurt! I was talking with my brother, aunt and mom about how my parents were in Germany before they came to America and stuff and my mom said something that caught my attention. I asked her to repeat it, and she didn't even say it again. instead my brother told me. He said that I could've had a second older brother, but my parents had him aborted. What confuses me is why they couldn't have waited for a few more months and let him live. Maybe they could have given him for adoption at least. I'm also really hurt because NO ONE HAS EVER TOLD ME THIS!!! It's like they didn't want me to find out. Also, I remember my parents always saying that their relatives wanted them to abort me when I was a fetus. Why did they decide to keep me instead of my could-have-been older brother? I know a lot of secrets here are claimed to be "fake" but this happened literally this morning.... I just don't know what to do. My mom says it's her deepest regret, but I don't know how to forgive her. I could've had a second brother for crying out loud! (I'm only 16, but I still believe that everyone should have a chance at living). I'm just really hurt at this new discovery because my own PARENTS didn't even tell me. My brother had to. And everyone was so nonchalant about it two seconds after it sank in. Just... any advice on how to cope would help a lot. Thanks for reading, I guess....

I'm just so confused and hurt! I was talking with my brother, aunt and mom about how my parents were...