all in one

i'll only do one of these just to get it off my conscious so that i know that it's out there somewhere: <ul> <li>i'm bi, nobody knows and my mother happened to make an off hand comment about if she ever found out one of her children were with someone of the same sex she would disown them</li> <li>i'm in love with my best friends, but she doesn't know it</li> <li>i'm a girl and my best friend is a girl too</li> <li>i hate my father, i'll never forgive him and i don't feel bad about it because he was given ample times to mend his ways...he didn't now he is out of the picture, and i am glad</li> <li>i've chosen wicca as my religion, but my mother doesn't know</li> <li>my family is catholic, they don't like jewish people or other religions, they think it is stupid and i'm ashamed of them</li> <li>my mother has made a lot of racial comments about people, mostly african americans, and i'm ashamed of her</li> <li>i have a lot of gay friends but i won't come out of the closet as a bisexual even though they would accept me because i'm too guarded and ashamed</li> <li>i can admit all this anonymously on the internet, but not even to myself in a diary or to a close friend, for that, i'm truly sorry because i don't have as much trust in them as i should</li> </ul>
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After we had been married for 20 years, my wife's refusal to talk about her past began to irritate me. Finally she told me that about 6 years before we got married she spent most of a year turning tricks. She and a girlfriend would go to a hotel bar, make eye contact with guys, and within a few minutes would be in the guy's room fucking him. $50. She said she did it for the money, but mostly just to get laid more often, even though she was quite pretty then. During that year she fucked 200-300 guys. She never used condoms, but managed to avoid STD's altogether. After she quit hooking because she was afraid of getting arrested, she hooked up with a lot of guys- a LOT of guys, and just kept on fucking. Her story blew me away. The hooking I could forgive- I wasn't in the picture yet, and I am not a jealous guy. But lying about it for 20 years while raising a family, that made me angry. Since then, while married, I am pretty sure she has had affairs, but she denies it. We struggled with it for a long time, then came to an accomodation: each of us could fuck anyone we wanted any way we wanted as long as we are discrete and never embarrass the other. This seems to be working out, except that she still doesn't tell me when she gets laid. I always tell her. I guess she is just too closed up about sex to be able to tell me the truth. Meanwhile, our sex with each other is a lot better than it ever was in the past.

After we had been married for 20 years, my wife's refusal to talk about her past began to irritate m...