I'm Lost in a Haze of Too Many Drugs

I can't stop. I'm drowning in a sea of pills, powders, and whatever else I can get my hands on. It's not just a habit, it's a fucking obsession. Every hit, every high, it's like I'm chasing a ghost of myself that I can never quite catch. I know it's tearing me apart, body and soul, but the rush... oh fuck, that rush. It's like a lightning bolt straight to my core, making my heart pound and my mind scream with a clarity I can't find anywhere else. I pop another, snort another, and I'm gone, floating in this electric haze where nothing else matters. The world fades, the pain fades, and for a few blissful hours, I'm untouchable. But then I crash, hard, and I'm left shaking, sweating, craving more. It's a vicious cycle, a goddamn trap, and I'm too deep to claw my way out. I started with just a little to take the edge off, to escape the bullshit of life, but now it's everything. I hide it well, or at least I think I do, sneaking off to get my fix when no one’s looking, lying through my teeth about where I've been. The guilt eats at me, but not enough to stop. I need that next high, that next escape, more than I need air sometimes. It's fucked up, I know, but when I'm in that moment, riding that wave, it's the only time I feel alive. I'm a mess, a walking disaster, but I can't bring myself to care. I just want to feel that buzz again, that sweet, dangerous oblivion that grips me and won't let go. Anyone else out there lost in this kind of spiral? How the hell do you fight something that feels so damn good, even when you know it's killing you?