My Forbidden Urge

I've been carrying this weight for so long, and it finally burst out in a moment of raw honesty. I admitted it to someone, just blurted it out like a dam breaking, and now I'm here spilling it all because I can't hold it in anymore. I'm attracted to things I know are wrong, things society would lock me up for even thinking about. It's this twisted pull deep inside me, a hunger that flares up when I least expect it, making my heart race and my thoughts spiral into places I hate. I try to fight it, to bury it under layers of normalcy, but it claws its way back, whispering temptations that feel so real, so consuming. There are days I feel like a monster, hiding in plain sight, pretending to be just like everyone else while this secret eats at me. I don't want to hurt anyone; I don't act on it, but the desire is there, gnawing at my sanity, making me question if I'm even human. It's isolating, this shame that wraps around me like chains, and confessing it feels like both a relief and a curse. I seek out dark corners online, anonymous chats where I can hint at it without facing judgment, but deep down, I know it's a battle I'll fight forever. The thrill of admitting it is messed up, addictive even, like standing on the edge of a cliff and feeling alive. I'm not asking for forgiveness; I just needed to say it out loud, to someone, to anyone, because living with this silence is killing me slowly.