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its an illusion in your mind k. because we knew each other so shortly I spent all up about 3 a half days with you in total and I knew we were not suited for each other. you can't make a relationship out of 1 weekend and a day and half and 1 evening. I have not been reaching out for you you made it clear to me you had a wife and I couldn't wait for you get the hell out. what made you even think i would cry over you leaving? my god. you made it sound like you were doing me some favor getting me to hop on a plane and go to melborne cuz i never been on a plane before. yeh right. you were thinking of you. I never enjoyed the sex at all. I felt taken advantage of you gave me alcohol ontop of heavy medications and never asked me did I want kisses and romance from you in the car, I never wanted to get into that van with you after the party that was all leigh pushing for that not me. I don't know how to get the message clear to you I never loved you. you told me you would never leave your wife i never wanted you to leave her, I never wanted you. i didn't want to hook up with you in the van, yeh you offered to drive me home but then you didn't you sneaky gamered and got someone else to drive and got in the back with me, if I had known that was gonna happen I would have said "absolutely no way" I was drunk, I had drink on top of heavy medications, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't want you. then when we met up at the hotel a few days later I thought we were going to look around the city no sex, you pushed and pressurised me to go to your room I thought you were going to introduce me to william but you didn't. you gave me alcohol once again ontop of heavy medications, you never asked me was I on medications or my mental health, you never asked me :"do you want sex?" I didn't want sex from you. then you couldn't wait to get rid of me when I collapsed afterwards, you pushed me out the door of a cab at a train station when someone should have rang an abulance for me. you then made a point of pursuing me for a number of months to cover your tracks with your mates helping you and you convinced me to go to melborne - once again I hoped you would introduce me to someone a single man, but you didn't, the sex was awful. I hated your semen in me, I hated the smell of you and your breath and then pushy sexual dominations of you. the first time you were violent I hated that. you turned sex into a dirty ball thing, I wanted to be with a man I got to know and date who would ask me out regularly for a few months before sex. then you and a few others tried to push frank on me and i couldnt do that. I had been on so many strong medications after you made me violently ill I didn't want to risk giving him a std, no one would listen in 2002 that you were just one big mistake, I tried to tell a few people. see it how you like but I never enjoyed it.I never loved you. you said you never loved me. and you know who I do love now, the doctor, a prince, a actor, a guy I seen in the city who was hot. I have a lot to give some nice man who is willing to treat me well. I might be a bit chubby but I can lose weight with sex with someone I do love. i can have a baby and lose weight. this is a waste of my time everyday I am forced into this empty lie hanging around waitinf for you to let go ! we are never gonna be anything k. move on. go back to watch ever it was that kept you happy all those years you never cared less then. just fuck off, I hope you find a super model young chck but its not me. I have no idea what makes ken think I am reaching out to him because I am not. I never loved ken carey.

Violence
its an illusion in your mind k. because we knew each other so shortly I spent all up about 3 a half days with you in total and I knew we were not suited for each other. you can't make a relationship out of 1 weekend and a day and half and 1 evening. I have not been reaching out for you you made it clear to me you had a wife and I couldn't wait for you get the hell out. what made you even think i would cry over you leaving? my god. you made it sound like you were doing me some favor getting me to hop on a plane and go to melborne cuz i never been on a plane before. yeh right. you were thinking of you. I never enjoyed the sex at all. I felt taken advantage of you gave me alcohol ontop of heavy medications and never asked me did I want kisses and romance from you in the car, I never wanted to get into that van with you after the party that was all leigh pushing for that not me. I don't know how to get the message clear to you I never loved you. you told me you would never leave your wife i never wanted you to leave her, I never wanted you. i didn't want to hook up with you in the van, yeh you offered to drive me home but then you didn't you sneaky gamered and got someone else to drive and got in the back with me, if I had known that was gonna happen I would have said "absolutely no way" I was drunk, I had drink on top of heavy medications, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't want you. then when we met up at the hotel a few days later I thought we were going to look around the city no sex, you pushed and pressurised me to go to your room I thought you were going to introduce me to william but you didn't. you gave me alcohol once again ontop of heavy medications, you never asked me was I on medications or my mental health, you never asked me :"do you want sex?" I didn't want sex from you. then you couldn't wait to get rid of me when I collapsed afterwards, you pushed me out the door of a cab at a train station when someone should have rang an abulance for me. you then made a point of pursuing me for a number of months to cover your tracks with your mates helping you and you convinced me to go to melborne - once again I hoped you would introduce me to someone a single man, but you didn't, the sex was awful. I hated your semen in me, I hated the smell of you and your breath and then pushy sexual dominations of you. the first time you were violent I hated that. you turned sex into a dirty ball thing, I wanted to be with a man I got to know and date who would ask me out regularly for a few months before sex. then you and a few others tried to push frank on me and i couldnt do that. I had been on so many strong medications after you made me violently ill I didn't want to risk giving him a std, no one would listen in 2002 that you were just one big mistake, I tried to tell a few people. see it how you like but I never enjoyed it.I never loved you. you said you never loved me. and you know who I do love now, the doctor, a prince, a actor, a guy I seen in the city who was hot. I have a lot to give some nice man who is willing to treat me well. I might be a bit chubby but I can lose weight with sex with someone I do love. i can have a baby and lose weight. this is a waste of my time everyday I am forced into this empty lie hanging around waitinf for you to let go ! we are never gonna be anything k. move on. go back to watch ever it was that kept you happy all those years you never cared less then. just fuck off, I hope you find a super model young chck but its not me. I have no idea what makes ken think I am reaching out to him because I am not. I never loved ken carey.
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on dementia. spotting it in a loved one is painful. I have noticed in my father he is doing strange things like he spends hours a day at the table writing letters that are like bibles to long lost friends he looks up on electrol rolls and then he photocopies letters and thinks everyone wants to know him as if he is a celebrity everywhere we go. he waves at the bus driver who was waving at someone else and every time he goes to the doctor he has to stop in a chat to the people at the dentist and I am worried someone will complain about him doing these things as they are not normal to think everyone wants to know him. he smiles at people and gawks at women and and has his mouth open all the time and one eye closed to look at people which looks strange. all behavior his uncle used to do and he also eats with food dribbling down his face at home and out sometimes, shoving and gutsing into food like he can’t be filled and hungry all the time. he must listen to the funeral and death notices every day on the radio which is extremely depressing to my mother and me, he seems to think he has to “tell people his side of the story” what ever story it is ???? in the jobs he lost or was hurt at as if no one else in our family or in the world has been through work place bullying or sexual harassment (because some of us have been through rape and worse then he could imagine) and he constantly believes and says that I am writing naughty letters to people and a like my sister and I am my mother are children constantly checking up on us and over pedantic over how the washing up should be and answering phones and mail and yet he drinks a bottle of scotch a night (500ml) and sometimes has beer or wine with it. and he is moody, argumentative, accuses others of picking on him when we try to help me when he fell out of the train, yet he picks on all of us and can’t see it. he honestly expects me to pay for his holidays on cruises and says he won’t be able to pay me back later which worries me as he is becoming so vindictive and miserly and I fear what a dangerous crazed woman would do with his money and leave my sister and i bullied and abused by them and penniless. he has been out of work most of the 1990s and some of the 1980s and never completes education and thinks he is some academic and goes up to people introducing himself just because he has spoken over the phone and takes over friendships from my mother or me and copies things like he had to give my cat some several patte treats in one sitting to copy what I do with my cat and something is just not right in the brain and mannerisms and the ideas he has that he is some celebrity and wants to be respected as if we are living in 1700’s with some land Barron and we’re slave daughters to him. He honestly seems to think he is back in 1700s living some land barons life to order milk maids round homestead of some Mississippi old ramble bum dumpster colonialism home, what he doesn’t get is most women wouldn’t put up with his piggish mess and slop cleaning up after him and they are so rich they think he is a joke, we go to a scenic train trip and he though he was giving money to them to keep the business running and all it was was a slot machine for a souvenir non – monetary coin and he put on this big show of helping save the business giving a few chow as he says, and he used to make out his business was something over the top and he has about 7 huge cupboards full of junk newspaper clippings and hovel and won’t allow me to use any furniture for my room he uses them all for his paper filing of rubbish. Its not normal. my mother can see its not normal and we don’t know how to talk to his doctor. I go to Al annon which for non-drinking family members with an alcoholic in the family and all he does is act like we have made him this sad case man. he allowed his daughters to be molested by a man in his family and its caused serious problems and my mother and I have had enough of the jealousy, bitching and games and his almost defiant adhd child like behavior of a spoilt momma’s boy who needs to be a man and accept he is not 45 or 25 he is now 70 or more and young women don’t want some smelly weird man harassing him at the dentist workplace and before long someone is going to complain about the letters he is photocopying and it does not make sense. on the cruise i paid for recently he accused us of “bombarding him from all sides and bashing into his continuously” when all that I could see and hear was doing that was the whales protecting their young around the ship. its like he takes on things of others around him and worst is he will come up to the cats and put his bum to their face and fart in their face and things it is funny. we are just lost at how to handle this. can you help or suggest somewhere that could help? his GP is next to useless who he calls the broomstick) and all she says is “when are you expecting to him about his weight rather then checking up on him and my mother and I have felt for some time now he has been going around bad mouthing me and my mother and sister, when he has for years gritted his teeth and waved fists at us and even attacked me and warned me not to complain about a gynaecologist who was abusing me and didn’t take proper protective covers and I could have court HPV from this doctors weird acts and his weird staff. is this normal or like the behavior of someone unwell? or is it me, mum and others who are weird? even his former boss noticed it and his cousin that he is easily flustered and lost and dopey like with this constant open gaping mouth and one eye open looking at people and peering at women is off putting and weird. we meet a lot of women going through this at al annon, and children of drinkers who end up carers or just can’t hack it any longer and feel bad that they are not perfect for the alcoholic dementia patient. everyone has even commented how his sister is like this a female version of him and a cross of her husband mixed in and how a bunch of controllers and selfish people they are. people have even noticed it in my cousin and her obsession for school re-unions. not normal and this reference to this old poillion weirdo. his been trying to kill his daughters off with his son, that is what he has been doing, and my mother and sister and I dont like it and are a wake up to it.

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