My Boyfriend Has Let Himself Go and Writing Strange Letters to Someone About our Child. My boyfriend and I have been together for 16 years now. When I met him, he had a very unique sense of style – dyed hair, piercings, tattoos, etc. We were 18 at the time and it didn’t at all bother me. As we’ve grown older and his goals in life have changed, his style has mellowed out – he took out the nose ring, hair back to his natural color, etc. and I thought I was happy but and he is the big but! behind. To me it showed that we were both maturing and refining our interests but he lives in a hairy world of his own talking on his phone and classes he uploads all day long to his feeds so called teaching. We moved in together years ago and ever since then I’ve noticed that he is not taking care of himself. He’s gaining weight like crazy and his sense of style seems to have regressed deliberately . I get it if it’s just smelly unwashed comfy clothes or PJs, but to me there’s something odd about a 25-27 year old man (who won't tell me his birthday and real age just around about? why?) not batting an eye at leaving the house in a South Park or Hey Arnold! t-shirt. I feel like at times he has the fashion sense of a middle schooler. But the biggest issue for me: he REFUSES to cut his hair. He hasn’t gotten a haircut in well over two years. His hair is longer than mine and almost reaches mid-back. It is disgusting. No style to it even. He just grows it and grows it. No trims, nothing. It is extremely unattractive to me. we have fizzed out as a relationship goes but for our child. It’s also gotten to the point where my parents have mentioned it. My grandparents are visiting and my dad gently asked if I thought I could get Jerry to cut his hair and look presentable for our visit with them. Even our child gets teased at school over how he looks. My parents are a little older than most parents of people my age and they believe that, since we’re not yet offically married, my boyfriend should still care about impressing my family and the direction he plans for us and also with a child. Proving that he is someone they’d want and support spending the rest of his life with our daughter, deep down they protest this relationship. Honestly, I don’t think that is too much to ask. I feel that I always present myself in a respectful but casual and not richie way but socially acceptable in front of his family and I think that my family deserves the same respect, and our relationship needs a lot more work if would survive. That was how I felt last week til I found this email. Now I am devastated and I think we are done. But beyond that, I just wish that he’d have more respect for our child. I truly believe that you should dress/present and behave caringly towards your child and now he is repelling us in a way that represents what do you want to do in life? question, not for what you’re currently about to hear this. Anyway, I know that the major answer is going to be: talk to him about it and just go. So, just to be clear, I have talked to him about this extensively. I’ve even told him that I find it hard to feel attracted to him with his grossly unkept oily long scraggy hair. Every time, he calls me shallow and turns the conversation around saying he doesn’t know if he wants to be with someone who cares so much about appearances, but then pushes our child away with excuses and name calling. I’m at my wits end right now. I have specific goals that I’m working towards to build the life I envision myself living. I try to present myself in a at least somewhat adult way while he does not. Having my old boyfriend turn up in contrast at my own work presentations to the sales team has changed so much, so drastically has become a big issue. And clearly he doesn’t care what I think or how his family feel. And apparently it’s the most detestable thing in the world to at all care about physical appearances at all and to be touched by germs and calling us label names that are equal to slimeflsh. Whenever I bring these things up to him he, very defensively, tells me how he’s better than me because he wouldn’t care what I looked like at all, he gets moody on weed and drink piss weak gin and rum with coridal from a bagpipe over his love anything and there is no me in the picture, etc when that habit starts. I have lost any love for him and I’m still very affectionate and loving when he is sober but he is not at all. It’s the physical part of the lack of our mutual attraction that I just can’t help now and his behavior. And I am thinking more and more about seeing my former workmate that turned up out of nowhere just at the right time to be a shoulder I can lean on. We are bonding closer each day at work and finally I have found someone who listens to my real issues and cares for a change and acts mature. I don't understand why my partner is turning the story around as if I am the strange one with attitude issues. It’s becoming harder and harder to remain attracted to him, and he simply doesn’t care. He has a female student online friend he sends emails to and this is an extract- I don't want to be near my own daughter, This week, my daughter caught an infectious disease. It's not serious, but it is contagious (though it is uncommon for adults to get it). As a result I don't want to touch her or any of them in the house. But have you tried parenting a 18-year-old without touching her cuz she is so creepy grunge and mothering her and child is hard with well why would i want sex with someone so childish? It's impossible. She doesn't understand what I'm saying when I scream your dirty and "GET YOUR PLAGUE-RIDDEN "shitty shitty bug-bug" HANDS AWAY FROM ME!" Worse, because she's feeling under the so mud-piddled, she wants move love and affection more than normal and so needy. Which has meant a lot of touching and I am so paranoid I can't bare to be near germs and people right now. I haven't died yet from bored rel8tionshit sydrome, but I'll keep you updated as this place is the worst with them around. In the long term, I maintain that parenting will kill me as I parent a spouse as well as a child so they are both shatting kids , by forced exposure? yuk not on anymore, reduce emotional imput and my anxiety is off the wall on weed and piss and sharkshak for you. But, until then, it's going to be a stressful time pLez help me darling." now who the fuck writes this shit when he is so unfit and slothful himself? who is this person and should I leave? and I can't even cry to pity ourselves its just enough to say time to go. any thoughts? I believe he is having an affair and wanted to break up with me for a long time and has done this deliberately and when he gets with her he will change his whole look for her to make me feel that it was who made him feel that way! I need my workmate even if its just to make him see I can move on from him and he won't leave me old and dried out and as ugly as he is.