I wish I could split this up into multiple categorie I'm 16 going on 17 and already feel like I've lived too long. I experimented with my best friend when I was 8, but lied and said he sexually abused me because I was so embarrassed. I'm so good at lying that I end up believing my own lie, making me ignore the problem, but still feeling the incredible guilt from it. As I grew up, I sexually abused several of my other friends, all because I decided I didn't want to control my hormones. I'm very kind and forgiving (generally), but I can't seem to forgive myself. I'm becoming very overweight and annoying. I can't help but want to kill myself because Aof all I've done, and I can't get it off my chest because Ill go to jail. I also am extremely paranoid, have severe OCD, ADHD, Aspergers, Tourette's, and can't seem to believe in a higher power if my life

I wish I could split this up into multiple categorie I'm 16 going on 17 and already feel like I've lived too long. I experimented with my best friend when I was 8, but lied and said he sexually abused me because I was so embarrassed. I'm so good at lying that I end up believing my own lie, making me ignore the problem, but still feeling the incredible guilt from it. As I grew up, I sexually abused several of my other friends, all because I decided I didn't want to control my hormones. I'm very kind and forgiving (generally), but I can't seem to forgive myself. I'm becoming very overweight and annoying. I can't help but want to kill myself because Aof all I've done, and I can't get it off my chest because Ill go to jail. I also am extremely paranoid, have severe OCD, ADHD, Aspergers, Tourette's, and can't seem to believe in a higher power if my life
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the thing that came as a shock to me is just because someone is a doctor or ambulance person doesn't mean they don't have criminal intent in their actions to you. it took a lot for me to see this for myself. I used to have blind trust in doctors, my fave doctor who was a good doctor was Dr Frazer and he never ever once put me down for having depression or being sexually abused or that I couldn't afford medical bills all the time, unlike some other doctors. but there are not a lot of doctors around like him. I mean today they want you to come for 1 item per visit, when I used to see dr f he was like always following up on last visit and checking meds and seeing how it went even minor things always never once had to remind him to check BP or anything. I have not had as good a doctor as him since. he was a great doctor. but I don't have faith in medical people now after being bullied and abused by some. its not their place to abuse patients. if they want to do that go join the prison system or the death row prisoners in usa don't bother doing this job if you don't like actually caring about people who most times are afraid. some where out and out pig dirty rude to me, and I will never forget that feeling of betrayal. its not nice at all. you might think your funny and rich but there are richer clever and more handsome men out there then you. its like ken, he really thought he was something hot and he was so weak and cowardly he didn't even call medical aide or a fireman or police or someone when I collapsed. the guy is a loser user! or the worst kind said one police officer to me.

the thing that came as a shock to me is just because someone is a doctor or ambulance person doesn't...