Confessions about 'Bu'

Page 62 of 198

I know I'm overthinking things but I just need to get it out I have depression. No jokes, straight to the point; I attempted suicide last year and after some hospital stuff, here I am. I feel better now… at least better than how I was when I overdosed. I don't want to kill myself again, and I have tons more motivation and have been learning stuff from group therapy and just one on one therapy. I also take medication, though I don't really feel it's working as much as therapy. My parents aren't very good parents. They had me very young, when they were 21, and I never really got to do things I wanted to do, even if they did make sure to buy me a bike and things for Christmas and my birthday. It's not their fault that they didn't have enough money to pay for the ballet and piano lessons I wanted, but until age 11 I was an only child. Since there's not many relatives living in the same state as us I never really had close cousins and friends always moved away in the next year. My Mom has always treated me like a friend. I mean, she's my Mother, yes, but she just gives too much of her fucking opinion and unknowingly begins to brainwash me about things. My Dad has always been working too, and when he doesn't work we don't even spend time. When I was younger I even thought he was an alcoholic, but he's just a workaholic that parties all his stress out instead of spending time with his family. I know this is what I think about them and that it mostly isn't true, but holy shit why the fuck are they like this!? Now they're only like 37 years old and I'm 14, but I feel like in order for me to be happy there will have to be a LOT of changes made by the whole family. First, my stupid Mom needs to stop swearing so much because GODDAMN IT I DON'T WANT MY LITTLE SISTER TO THINK THAT SHE'S A "USELESS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT" WHEN SHE TURNS 9! HOLD YOUR DUMB ASS ANGER IN AND BE AN ADULT YOU BITCH! NOBODY CARES IF YOU CUSS AFTER STUBBING YOUR TOE BUT IT HAS TAKEN A LOT OF EFFORT TO HAVE MY OWN OPINIONS ON THINGS AND TELL MYSELF THAT NO, IT IS NOT FUCKING OKAY TO SAY BAD WORDS TO YOUR CHILD WHEN ANGERED! ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE YOUNG! Second, KEEP YOUR DAMNED OPINIONS TO YOURSELF, DEAR PARENTS! I'VE RESEARCHED AND I'VE LOOKED AND IT IS NOT HEALTHY TO TALK ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS ON SOMETHING! MOM, IF YOU THINK THAT GRANDMA IS A BAD GRANDMA, THEN GOOD FOR YOU! NO NEED TO SHOUT AT HOW FUCKING STUPID MY DAD IS FOR NOT STANDING UP TO HER! YES, I KNOW THAT SHE'S FORGOTTEN MY BIRTHDAY FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS AND I KNOW THAT SHE OBVIOUSLY FAVORS THE BOYS OVER THE GIRLS, BUT IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN IT COMES TO RANTING OUT YOUR FEELINGS!? I AM INTERNALLY SHOUTING AND IT FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD TO JUST RANT IT OUT HERE BECAUSE GODDAMN IT MOTHER, YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND! STOP IT! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY MOM THAT TELLS ME HOW TO DO THINGS, NOT SHAME ME FOR NOT KNOWING HOW TO DO THEM! MY DAD TOO! THE STUPID FART TRIES TO CONTROL EVERYTHING I DO AND WEAR! EXCUSE ME, BUT I DO NOT DRESS LIKE A SLUT! IS IT BECAUSE I HAVE A VAGINA? BECAUSE MY B CUP BREASTS ARE JUST SOOOOOOOOOO LUSCIOUS TO THOSE BOYS WHOSE PARENTS HAVEN'T TAUGHT TO RESPECT OTHERS? I LIKE WEARING SHORT SHORTS BECAUSE WE FUCKING LIVE IN FLORIDA, YOU DUMBASS! MY ASS DOESN'T HANG OUT, I DON'T HAVE SKIN TIGHT SKIRTS, MY KNEES AND CALVES AND THIGHS AND ANKLES ARE NOT SEXY! HE WANTS ME TO BE HIS LITTLE GIRL FOREVER BUT BOI THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE BECAUSE HE'S NEVER HOME! WHY, WHY, WHY CAN'T HE JUST FUCKING CONSIDER THE FACT THAT PEOPLE SHOULD RESPECT MY BODY INSTEAD OF TELLING ME THAT THE DRESS IS TOO SHORT?! IT ISN'T SHORT! I DON'T WANT TO LOOK OLD, I DON'T EVEN CAKE MY FACE WITH MAKEUP! FATHER, IF YOU THINK THAT MY OUTFIT ISN'T PRESENTABLE TO BE WORN OUTSIDE KEEP IT TO YOUR FUCKING SELF! YES, TELL ME NO WHEN I'M BECOMING A BASIC BITCH AND WEARING STRIPPER CLOTHES TO THE HIGH SCHOOL HALLOWEEN PARTY, BUT DO NOT TELL ME THAT MY SHORTS ARE TOO SHORT BECAUSE I KNOW THEY ARENT! THEY'RE MY LEGS! NOTHING SEXY ABOUT THEM BECAUSE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE HAS NOOOOTTTHIIIIINNNNGG TO FUCKING DO WITH MY LEGS. IT'S MY VAGINA THAT NEEDS COVERAGE, AND IT'S INSIDE OF ME! I WILL RESPECT YOUR LIMITS BUT KEEP YOUR OPINION OF "OH YOU SHOULDN'T BUY THAT SHIRT" JUST BECAUSE THERE'S NOT ENOUGH FABRIC TO COVER MY ENTIRE FUCKING SHOULDER! The thing is, they're Asian, so they know how it feels to be compared to other kids YET THEY DO THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING TO ME! THEY THINK ABOUT HOW THEY WERE ALWAYS QUESTIONED WHY THEY DIDN'T GET ALL STRAIGHT A'S LIKE THEIR COUSIN BUT HERE THEY COME ASKING WHY I GOT A B IN MATH… UMM, BECAUSE WHENEVER I NEED HELP WITH MATH DAD ISN'T HOME AND MOM REFUSES TO HELP ME OR IS NO HELP BECAUSE SHE FUCKING SUCKS AT MATH AAAANNNDDD BECAUSE YA'LL WON'T HIRE A TUTOR OR JUST ONE SESSION? Yeah, I FUCKING wonder. They're liars too! They say "we'll do family dinner night again" yet we never do "because we were busy" WHEN WE WEREN'T! MY FUCKING THERAPIST TOLD YOU THAT SHE THINKS IT'LL BE GOOD TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER BUT MY MOTHER AND FATHER ARE JUST IGNORANT! THEY NEVER LET ME DO ANY ACTIVITIES OUT OF THE HOUSE EITHER! THEY TRY TO CONTROL EVERY LITTLE THING I DO AND IT SUCKS! I ASK TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT AND THEY DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING AND FORGET ALL ABOUT IT, I ASK TO TAKE ART LESSONS AND THEN WE NEVER CHECK IT OUT, I EVEN SIMPLY ASKED MY MOM TO DRIVE ME TO THE ART STORE AND IT TOOK ME ASKING HER LITERALLY THREE TIMES A DAY, EVER DAY FOR A WEEK AND A HALF TO GET HER TO ACTUALLY DRIVE ME THERE WHEN WE LEGIT DID NOTHING ALL DAY! I GOT MAD AT HER AND TOLD HER WHEN WE FINALLY GOT THERE THAT I WANTED SOME CLAY TO MAKE SOMETHING FOR MY AUNT AS A GRADUATION PRESENT SINCE SHE LIKES ART AND ALL I FUCKING GET IS AN "Oh." I DON'T YELL TO THEM BECAUSE, OH TYPICAL ASIAN FAMILY STYLE, WE NEED TO RESPECT OUR ELDERS YET MY MOM DOESN'T TREAT ME LIKE A DAUGHTER AND MY DAD IS RARELY HERE FOR ME TO RESPECT! I feel a lot better now and I will probably rant hundreds of more times. Oh, I've also almost become anorexic and bulimic because I felt a bit bad about my body, stumbled upon some disgusting pro ana sites, and then just got this high and happiness of being in control for once. I made a huge accomplishment of telling my therapist about it and she had to tell my parents because of how unhealthy it was and I've never disliked my parents so much. They acted like they understood, like they were actually going to help me. I remember my Dad asking me "So are they like actual voices you hear or..??" after my therapist told him about me telling her about hearing voices. Like, wtf? ASK THE THERAPIST, NOT ME! I FELT SO WEIRD AND DIFFERENT AND THEY UNDERSTAND NOTHING! NOTHING!!! I know they want to help me but they don't make it seem like it, even if i know inside that they do..

I know I'm overthinking things but I just need to get it out I have depression. No jokes, straight...

Abuse, Stealing

i grew up hating feeling fat most of my teens and youth and young adult life I would yoyo weight a lot, put it on, lose it and not understand why. most of it was simply food and exercise but not really arranging time for exercise or planing senible eating routines til I was in my late 20s after at university. I hated being fat being called the fat red head ugly shy loser bitch etc. old fat maid and more. a fat dog, witch by tv news reporters when I was just 24 and so shy I hardly talked to anyone and was a virgin til 29 so never talked about sex with friends ever and would walk away due to sexual assault that I was in denial about. i lost weight and wanted to stay thin and everyone wanted me fat again. especially when I didn't like the married fat short bald man who raped me. lets get something straight right now- who ever it is implying I gave my aunty mary cancer has to be the sickest bastard out. how can a child do that, no one told me i had cancer dr staplebum ! and dr webster calling me old. yeh, so just because I was fat and am now and said I hate being fat, and hated a fat married old man with tattoos raping me you all decide to abuse me, well how about you all get abused see how it feels. yeh, while fat and thin I even said "oh yeh I hate fat people" how many times have you heard fat people say that, or people will say that about church people, or tv shows, jeans and banks or snobs or druggies or gays or blacks or asians or richbie cars, or red heads or whatever, they will all say "oh yeh I hate red heads" but they are red, or "I hate this or that" but they are exactly what they say they hate. so what you want to hold that against me too, because I am human. oh, but its ok for you to be human and make mistakes, yeh, its ok for a married man to rape a 29 year old virgin who was sexually abused for decades by a dirty old man and felt so fat and ugly and hated but its not ok for me to be human and say something contradictory and sarcastic or make a mistakes as a child but your so forgiven because your a man well, who do you think you are? which is the greater crime here. excuse me! but I will get over it and live but will you'all?

i grew up hating feeling fat most of my teens and youth and young adult life I would yoyo weight a l...

Pride, Abuse

so we walked to the rocks and joked about feet with sand and it was like "sure as if a lawyer would marry me?" get real.

so we walked to the rocks and joked about feet with sand and it was like "sure as if a lawyer would ...

Abuse

GAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! Somehow my life-threatening medical issues give my family license to criticize my weight, all while my sibling eats under 1000 calories a day, works out constantly, and is wasting away to nothing. I express concern and suddenly I'm "way out of line" and need to "let it go" because it's none of my business?! But my weight, which I unfortunately CANNOT CONTROL, is all their business. Seriously?!

GAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! Somehow my life-threatening medical issues give my family license to criticize my...

Abuse

I'm so sorry. I know how it hurts when someone who is supposed to love you and have your back doesn't. And when someone misunderstands you. He shouldn't end your freindship just because of a kiss. He should just say that he doesn't like it and then stop kissing you (I got the impression that he initiated it sometimes?)

I'm so sorry. I know how it hurts when someone who is supposed to love you and have your back doesn'...

Abuse

mah background upsetting R.

Abuse, Hate

Opinions!! Homework troubles!!! i am in my first year of highschool. i have heaps of homework and assignments, one of which became overdue today. this really sucks. i have a computer in my room but my little brother is always on it and as he is autistic chucks a fit over it when i kick him off. mum then makes me not do it and let him do it. me and mum just had an arguement and she called e a lazy asshole that never can hand anything in on time. i just fucking lost it. she is the one telling me i cant use MY computer to do MY work and when i cant hand shit in on time she looses it. LIKE HOW THE FUCK CAN I HAND SHIT IN WHEN I CAN NEVER USE MY OWN COMPUTER TO TYPE IT UP OR RESEARCH. she also thinks i have to clean before hand. my assignment was ment to be emailed an hour ago but she wont let me start until ive finished cheaning my room and the bathroom. on top of all this i have scouts, girl guides and work.

Opinions!! Homework troubles!!! i am in my first year of highschool. i have heaps of homework and a...

Abuse

Displayed naked My friend tied me to a tree and pulled down my pants in front of girls. I still remember girls going crazy watching me get an erection while my friend peed himself with laughter. Never felt so humiliated having to stand there with everything on show. Since then I go out of my way to avoid those girls, but the ones that weren't there already know I got stripped and told I got a h******. Total loss dignity.

Displayed naked My friend tied me to a tree and pulled down my pants in front of girls. I still rem...

Abuse

fuck off. fuck off. I will never marry fuck off. fuck off and die world. fuck off. there see churches !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck off. fuck off. I will never marry fuck off. fuck off and die world. fuck off. there see churche...

Abuse, Hate

your little up tight lectures on all kinds of things used to please us but not any more. we see what a mistake and wrong we did to you, that is all you have to say and then go away and never come back, you dirty bitch! winning all the time ment so much to you and then you had to do it with your kids on me after you did me over that was clever but your done now, your days of games are over, say it over the phone will do can't bare to see you again. just say it smart assy unclassy lou N hardy.

your little up tight lectures on all kinds of things used to please us but not any more. we see what...

Abuse, Hate

She provokes me to read my mind but i think not of her, that workaholic bissy bitch

Abuse, Hate

louie the fly played a dirty evil game on me. you are the devils spawn of hell and I hate you for all the abuse you did to me when I was a child and teen and that was an evil thing to do. I always knew you were nuts and not all there. I told mum you always acted autistic laughing at things that were not appropriate to laugh at. you did a good job and if you only knew how much everyone hates you! I am my family hate you for what you and your husband did to me. you dirty bitch! your so evil and nuts you need to be put away.

louie the fly played a dirty evil game on me. you are the devils spawn of hell and I hate you for al...

Abuse

Friends life is "so hard" I've been friends with this guy since high school and we're homies but he's spoiled rotten. I don't mean money because his family isn't well off or anything he doesn't have any discipline and just grew up on expensive pc builds and junk food no trouble on sleep or school he literally had everything though. He doesnt want to grow up. When he turned 18 he moved in with his girlfriend only because his mom wouldn't let them sleep in the same room (basically he moved out to have sex) and they both live with his girlfriends mom who doesn't work either they live off her step dads life insurance. Their house is a mess broken couches messed up carpet and everything is dirty, bugs everywhere. He's almost 21, works part time at subway long enough to get by because all they have to pay for is food and then just comes home and plays video games. He goes to sleep at like 3 am and wakes up past 2 pm. They are both over 300 lbs and are going nowhere. He goes to school and takes 1 class because his girlfriend pushed him a little bit for 2 semesters but failed both classes because he stopped going after the 3rd week. He works less than 15 hours a week and acts like his life is too hard to go to school or go to bed on time. I convinced them to come to the gym but he just fooled around on every machine till he embarrassed his girlfriend enough to make them leave and never came back. I don't know what to do with him but he's going nowhere. Above that any adult in his life is unaware and think he's doing well so he has no one to pull him on the right track

Friends life is "so hard" I've been friends with this guy since high school and we're homies but h...

Abuse

oh sorry did I give you the misleading perception I like americans, no aussies like septic tank yanks!!!! lol

oh sorry did I give you the misleading perception I like americans, no aussies like septic tank yank...

Abuse, Hate

oh, and jen, david probably already has another younger wife in melbourne with his fifos and I guess you know which is why you fool aaron around and rich dick cooks. but mutual using shadey asian style you got what you wanted to get your skanky nigga ass out to australia as if it would really help you that much.

oh, and jen, david probably already has another younger wife in melbourne with his fifos and I guess...

Abuse, Hate

you can live in your fantasy if you can't handle the truth about satanic wicca mule abuse of white little girls and pedophiles to rise up the dirty black fuckers of the world but you will never fool me ever again!

you can live in your fantasy if you can't handle the truth about satanic wicca mule abuse of white l...

Abuse, Hate

I hate my siblings I hate my family k so this is my life i went into foster care wen i was a kid stayed there till i was 18 then got out oh the reason i went in was cuz my mom was a coke head an my dad wasnt an option cuz he was a heroin junkie so obv i have alot of social anxieties but i do alright at fakin bein normal altho ithink about suicide all the time so my mom sobered up an had 3 new kids wit this new guy hes fat way below her standards but he would nvr dump her right so there 3 4 5 an im 18 she had them while me an my 2 older sisters weren't allowed contact wit her so anyway the 3 of em r little f** an my mom has cut my older sisters out of the family cuz there on welfare an 1 does drugs but its cuz she f* them up so bad i jus went 2dads wake cuz he overdosed havent seen him in eight years b4 that my mom has her sugar daddy pay 4 everythin has money but i have 2 pay her 700 bucks a month 4 a room and if i yell at the kids or anything she freaks out they destroy everything they broke my glasses 200 bucks gone

I hate my siblings I hate my family k so this is my life i went into foster care wen i was a kid st...

Abuse

ZOMBIE BURNED AT LAKE. ZOMBIE GOT NICE ZOMBIE BURNED AT LAKE. ZOMBIE GOT NICE TAN NOW. ZOMBIE LOVE LAKE AND MS. ZOMBIE VERY SEXY. ZOMBIE EAT MS. ZOMBIE IN TENT. MS ZOMBIE RETURNED FAVOR. ZOMBIE LOVE VACATION.

ZOMBIE BURNED AT LAKE. ZOMBIE GOT NICE ZOMBIE BURNED AT LAKE. ZOMBIE GOT NICE TAN NOW. ZOMBIE LOVE ...

Abuse

ugly hatey katey! ugly old joyce. ugly maria. ugly des the randy!

Abuse, Hate

the dog gyno loser ! and his piss up gossip old receptionist who is ugly.

Abuse, Hate