therapist elissa always has a answer for everything like "oh but people didn't holiday that much when we were kids" bullshit they didn't. I had friends in my class that went away for holidays every year some went over seas as well some went into state but I am sick of hearing all these excuses of how I should not have wanted for more. cuz its crap. not going to fall for the catholic psycho mumbo jumbo therapy talk again. we didn't travel cuz we were poor but there were heaps of families that bloody well did travel and have holidays and I know it. even at the state school and catholic schools some of my friends would go to Disneyland for xmas and I am sick of playing this "that was the time no one did anything" bullshit. save your bs for someone else who wants to swallow it honey. its just another form of abuse expecting me to once again play down any card of "how about me time! starting" she don't want me in a job or study she don't want me in a group or with a man. she just want me knitting shit. well I can't even remember how to knit and I don't want to. just cuz you are a grandma and great grandma don't put me in your bracket.

therapist elissa always has a answer for everything like "oh but people didn't holiday that much when we were kids" bullshit they didn't. I had friends in my class that went away for holidays every year some went over seas as well some went into state but I am sick of hearing all these excuses of how I should not have wanted for more. cuz its crap. not going to fall for the catholic psycho mumbo jumbo therapy talk again. we didn't travel cuz we were poor but there were heaps of families that bloody well did travel and have holidays and I know it. even at the state school and catholic schools some of my friends would go to Disneyland for xmas and I am sick of playing this "that was the time no one did anything" bullshit. save your bs for someone else who wants to swallow it honey. its just another form of abuse expecting me to once again play down any card of "how about me time! starting" she don't want me in a job or study she don't want me in a group or with a man. she just want me knitting shit. well I can't even remember how to knit and I don't want to. just cuz you are a grandma and great grandma don't put me in your bracket.
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I always thought I would marry a professional or academic teacher but it just seems that I am the one always ignored as if I am so low IQ since I was a child the "spastic" and "retard" labels were something I learnt to live with at school and just by how relatives treated me, the kids at school were mean and would just say the words but the relatives were more passive however the message came across loud what they thought of me. I think most of my life its been pretty one sided that I have always made the mistake of speaking well mostly of others, even down to joyce her daughter called her a slut and whore and I said "oh no you are not like that" but I was wrong, I learnt to laugh at most of the negative labels but there were and are still times it hurts and as I have got on more and life not in a situation I wanted, like I wanted to be married and with children back 20-15 years ago I feel "gee people really must see me as so spastic - like as if she could marry or expect this or that?" she must be a real spaz etc I am sure they think it about me more and more now, I don't understand why people are suck assholes to kind people like me. I just think I should more of a mean bitch to people but it does not come easy to me or my conscience to be nasty rude deliberately hurtful or vendictive or even provocative, I think I should have been I might have been respected more by other women and men. I think I was too shy, too easy going and too conforming for others abuses but I never knew that it was ok to be rude and mean and deliberately evil. I should have really stabbed the knife in to a lot of people and regret not doing it now. the worst part of having a too well exercised conscience !

I always thought I would marry a professional or academic teacher but it just seems that I am the on...