I am depressed :-(

love to me is being able to wear the wedding dress of your dreams in a church and a lovely wedding day and diamonds and foods and being treated like your worth being invited to parties and events by others and being appreciated, helping do community things and getting rewards for it and having friends put on a suprise birthday party for me, love to me is being given choices and feelings of "you are good enough", love to me is getting the high income pay cheque in some corporate office or academic profession , or why is it all the psychology i did, all the university all the law , all the health study all the things I have done - nothing is ever good enough. I have no skills, I have nothing any man would want but fat old losers? why? why is everyone else allowed a men of their choice and baby and wedding but me? and I this always being forced out with losers like russell or parker or gossing or ken who were dead boring depressing morbid losers I couldn't stand. why cant I bash a women for a man like katey did. why can't i be like joyce with a police husband who looks cute and treat young women like shit likee she did to me? why cant I have a corporate job or own investments that would make your ass fall off? like other people are allowed to. why am I the one that always has to be reasonable and sensible and everyone else is allowe to be stupid, violent and rude and nasty but me, why do I have to have more self control than anyone and everyone else I know or around me??????? NO ONE HAS THE SELF CONTROL I HAVE AND I AM SICK OF IT. I WANT TO BASH WOMEN. I WANT TO BASH CERTAIN MEN. I DON'T TRUST A LOT OF PEOPLE ANYMORE. WE NEED TO WIN A LOTTERY TO GO ON THIS CRUISE CUZ WITH WORK I CAN'T DO IT, I CAN'T SAVE WITHOUT WORK. I SHOULD HAVE EMPLOYMENT AND I AM A BETTER PERSON THAT SARINA RUSSO OR MOST WOMEN ACTUALLY.

love to me is being able to wear the wedding dress of your dreams in a church and a lovely wedding d...

excuse me sarina russo but you could learn a lot from anthony robbins, an abudance mindset is not about making people your intimidated and jealous of because they are younger then you fat!, thanks for making me fat and unhealthy you will pay for that. you cost me relationships, empoyment and a husband and positive self image. your crack team said I did not need to be on any special diet or weight loss or exercise but all my doctors say I do! your company caused my illnesses. you should be sued. you should be forced to fix all this. you have gone too far and need to be taught a lesson and stop ruining other womens lives you old dirty slut.

excuse me sarina russo but you could learn a lot from anthony robbins, an abudance mindset is not ab...

just got back from the ophthalmologist and it was so scary. I just felt so hurt and angry and that look I guess of I have suffer out everything in life alone, not like other people who are born special. for someone who had such rich godparents they could have asked me out and introduced me to some proper flaming men around the place. like I am so sick of study in a way but I enjoy the things I am doing now. I but it wish everything was easier, I had a lot of eye pain today after the drops and blurred for ages and just really impressed with the physio how he is just so good to his employees. wow, wish I had a boss like that. but my eyes are super sore and I just want to sleep, I have my period and I am so tired and yet need to lose weight and I think I have vit b12 deficiency I was getting the shakes and dizzy last night. my sister and grandfather had that b12 problem and I have wondered. i have high cholesterol which is a worry. I am so depressed since surgery just feel like I have no hope in finding a husband or real love, why did we believe all the lies about education? I should have 3 masters degrees but none of things matter to me as much as real love and valuing what I am doing, being valued for doing something rather then nothing. I am not good at initiating relationships or intimacy and sex. that has been my problem all this time my shyness. I was excessively shy and shame based abused so I just shut down. look at everything I have missed out on. like the work, to work in an nice air conditioned office would be nice. to own a house and car and not have all these medical and money worries. other people are allowed work and a dream so why can't I have it too? I am getting sick of this whole deal.

just got back from the ophthalmologist and it was so scary. I just felt so hurt and angry and that l...