I've been such an envious girl all my life i've had envy

I've been such an envious girl all my life i've had envy on my friends, on known people, most of reasons are: I've always felt like sh.. that none guy has ever loved or liked me while even the most uglier and boring girl i know has been liked by a guy, and that makes so envy them, i feel like sh.. and ugly, even if my friends and family says i'm not ugly or boring that just being a goth girl scares guys... i'm so envious of the bi... that is in love with the guy i like i also been triying to commit suicide but i've been catched and i can't even try now. i hide and cry when i feel like sh.. also i'm that unhappy that i try to change myself, perming my hair, also diyng it. I'm so pessimist, i always think no one will ever love me, i also criticize alot (inside of me i'm not mean to people) and i make fun of people that becomes bf/gf of other people just for looks, perfection and stuff and i always say that there just some d... that will never learn to love not even their own dog.