my friends and I hate that I am always aware of it. I hate that I get attached. January my friend, R, stopped talking to me. I started talking to someone new and they were what I felt were one of the best things that ever to me. I actually felt comfortable around someone for once. We joked and talked about similar interest. It was the highlight of my days. Lately, though, they haven't really been interested in talking. I know that part. They first forget to respond for awhile and then no responses at all. Sure I send them a message after awhile, maybe they just got busy and forgot, but still no response. And that's okay. I won't linger in the past. It hurts far worse in doing so. In March and April, I realized how lonely I was and went out looking. As one could imagine, it didn't go all too well. I talked to dozens of new people, the most I've actually talked to in one or two months. I then realized I was holding them to this standard, I was looking for a replacement for someone who left me. This wasn't the first time I had done so. When I found what I had done I was a little scared. Was I going to do this to everyone I met? It's okay to let go, it's okay to miss the idea of them. It's okay and that's what I needed to learn myself. It wouldn't work if someone told me. I needed to know fully why it was okay. It's okay to be sad and upset and confused. And that I just need some space to heal what I never wanted to heal.