Adultery and Many lies. I need change

Family is over rated I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters between the 6 of us there are four different fathers I never met my real dad. I was the big secret his wife and children never knew about I was molested by my older brother and sister when i was 7 or so. my mother was very abusive and use to beat me with extension cords,and belts..all the f****** time. My step dad was the only dad I ever knew. since early 1970s..very smart guy, family guy . always helping people out with diffrent projects on there houses in 1989 he shot himself in the head, over his fathers grave.in walpole mass, cause he got busted raping woman, he was raping woman for almost 8 years that we know of..they branded him The loverslane rapist he destoyed any sense of family i ever had.it was like a tornado came down and f***** my world..My oldest brother died in prison from liver disease he was in for life for shooting a cops father in tecomha washington, he use to run with the outlaws. my oldest sister turned to prostitution at the age of 15,my step dad had also bean raping her. my second brother is in jail also ..for molesting little girls, he has been a scumbag loser all his life my youngest brother won 50 thousand dollars on the lottery..never offered me a dime.now he a habitual gambler and spend thousands a month, and he is a crack head. I have nothing bad to say about my younger sister she has had to endore so much she is a wonderful mother,when she was younger she tried to kill herself after finding out what her dad was doing( she was only 11) Me????? I ran like h*** from my family and never turned back! got married, had a wonderful Daughter and son My son had very serious medical issues, after 10 years of surgeries, he was finally out of the woods, he got killed in a bus accident in west virginia...in 2002 he was only 10 I miss him I have a wonderful grandson,she named him after me..if my daughter ever knew about my Family, I,m afraid she would be Horrified, thats why I can never tell her ..The h*** I have seen.....

Family is over rated I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters between the 6 of us there are four different fa...

Want a baby SO badly I want to have another baby in a crazy way. And I want a boy like my life depended on it, but I will never, ever tell my husband that. We have been trying for only 8 months but our first baby was an accident after we'd been told we would never have children, which is why this is so incredibly heartbreaking. What if we can't have anymore children? Can I be happy with one beautiful daughter? Shouldn't I be glad that we were fortunate to have her? Why do I ache so badly to conceive again and why do I long for a baby boy?

Want a baby SO badly I want to have another baby in a crazy way. And I want a boy like my life depen...

I am torn between loyalty and independence. I've been with my fiancé for over 5 years now. Almost 2 years ago, we moved in together and in April, he proposed and I said yes. But there's another guy (isn't there always?) who's been my best friend since before I even met my current fiancé. I've always found him attractive, but never thought I had a chance; he's very flirty, so I took his advances as him just flirting, harmlessly and meaninglessly, until the next pretty girl walked in the room. Then, one night just a few months before my fiancé first asked me out, we kissed. He told me he'd wanted to for awhile, but I still passed it off as his hormones going nuts. With this in mind, I figured pursuing a relationship with him would end in disaster, and we'd lose our friendship, so we agreed to just stay friends. But things were awkward between us after that; for my part, he was pursuing a relationship with a girl I'd known since kindergarten, and neither liked nor trusted one bit. Yet we continued to flirt, even after I began going out with my fiancé. He'll, not just flirt - we played Grope Tag. Guess how you play that? In my fiance's car, even on his couch with him sleeping next to us. I figured nothing was ever coming of it anyway, so what did it matter? It was just us goofing around with each other. I never questioned my original assertion: I was just entertaining him until the Next Best Thing. Then, a few months ago, he asked me why we never dated. Recently, I answered him - he never asked out. The conversation that followed shook the foundations of what I'd originally based my current relationship on: I had no chance with him, so I went out with the guy I knew I had one with. And now my engagement is in the toilet, anyway; my fiance's proven himself to be nothing more than a large child sometimes, and expects me to give in to him. Yet I feel like I get nothing in return: the s** hasn't been as satisfying as it could be for awhile, and I feel like a housewife now because no matter how many times I ask/nag/yell at him that I will not pick up his socks, or his dishes, or wash the towels HE uses up, I just get a sigh or a groan of frustration. Sometimes, he does it begrudgingly, but I can feel the wall of our relationship cracking every time. Even better, when we moved in together, we moved an hour away from our hometown, family, and friends. He works graveyard shift at a gas station most nights, so I don't see him often. We're both miserable in this situation, and want to move back closer to home. For awhile, I've been telling myself when we move back, things will get easier. But is really our location that's ruining us, or just us? To top it all off, my fiancé LOVES to make plans for the future, which I'm cool with - to an extent. But now he keeps trying to rope me into situations I feel I have no say in. He wants to start a funeral home, but it has to family-owned in our state, so guess who would have to manage the place? He finds a house for sale, and immediately says I'll love it, we're checking it out this week. I could say this is because I'm a control freak, but really it's just because I'm more independent than he is. He was mostly raised by an overly-doting mother who spoiled the s*** out of him; I was raised in a broken family, so mostly raised myself. I've always found people who can't do things for themselves frustrating, but now that such a person is nearly the only one I have left, I feel like my *life* is for *him*. He would say otherwise - he doesn't care if I go out with friends, or am unexplainably absent from the house. But such things would've gotten him dumped right quick anyway; he never told me where he goes in life, so must I. I'm so confused. Do I abandon a relationship I've out so much work into, or just keep giving it all till I have nothing left? Do I take a chance with my best friend, 5 years later? I WANT to, so badly. He has a habit of turning me on, and (subconsciously?) I return the favor. It makes feel dirty, and guilty. Yet, I still have the same worry; am I just entertaining him, for now? Probably. But at this point, I don't care. I'd sleep with him the first moment we had alone, I confess, even if it led nowhere; I doubt it would ruin our friendship now; we've been too open with each other about everything else. I *know* it would ruin my relationship with my fiancé; his biggest fear is that I'll get bored of him. Now I have, but I can't stand to tell him and crush his spirit. I started to look to astrology, hoping to find something like, "Give things due time, and they'll work out". Instead, I find no good news for my relationship, but far too much enticement when I matched mine and my friend's signs. It was, in fact, quite scary, saying mine and my friend's love can go unacknowledged for years - which it was - but that mine and my fiance's relationship is based only illusions (his perfected illusion of me, no doubt; that I will always be there to take care of him, that I will never leave him, that I am capable of returning such deep emotions I find I cannot understand). I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I want to go back in time and tell myself to just go for it, ask my friend out, it will be worth it. Instead, I took the cowardly path, and am paying for it dearly now.

I am torn between loyalty and independence. I've been with my fiancé for over 5 years now. Almost 2 ...