I have a tendancy to swear when I am super angery at everything, like I bottle it up for ages then I do a complete dumbie spit with life in everyway, like its "I want to through in this job, I am sick of study, f this and f that I nearly got run over due to this stupid b! giving me cheek who should know better. I can really express it at times. I don't feel bad being passionate about somethings and expressing myself rather then holding it all in, other times, I just hold everything in like after I was bashed or raped and I never expressed a feeling til I got home and cried alone and ranted and raved. like it took over 2 hours to get home before I told someone I was bashed or raped etc. it took years before I told an outside family member I was raped or molested, i held all that in for so long, covering it up for so long and I must have covered it up pretty well. I can't believe not one teacher didn't pick up something was not right the bruises from him hitting me or burn marks, the other things, the bed wetting and nightmares the sleep paralysis and night terrors and traumas I still go through and insomnia at times. the wacky creative rapid bouts and manic moments of love that disipates to zero nothing ...??? the stiff upper lip infront of everyone then behind closed doors a sigh and shrug off the world behind and scream now n then,

stupid spastic leigh m of the rsl quest didn't know me as a person and I and the hospital and a number of people I have spoken to said leigh m was the one who wronged me that night and she should have not done what she did, it was a revenge act on her behalf due to a husband who left her for another woman. she didn't like me, she gave me all this advice to stay away from rick and katey and what to wear and yet she was pushing mostly of us younger single women with old farts who were boring and a dead loss to us. I mean, one of my friends said her attitude was probably "I'll sort this one out " so she felt free to get a shag and not have to concern herself with how I got home and I didn't want to go to the weird event, no one talked to each other, she pointed at a dozen men at me like which ones do you think are okish, and I was like I don't know, none of them really and out of politeness I said "oh there is a few over there ok and yeh I guess he is sort of ok and I am think but not my type seriously" i am just saying any to shut you up and lets just get out of here its been the most boring night ever, no one talks to each other, no dancing, no buffet foods, it was weird, then she was like wanting to push me with a few and then focused on one and I was like "i'll say anything to be polite but its no invitation or anything" I don't know why she didn't say "look you have had a bit to drink on medication I will take you home or I will call a cab and they can pay for it, you are not safe with these guys!" I wanted to go out with better men, other women always try this game on me. I don't understand it. I wanted to get to know someone for a few weeks and dates before sex and it was not what i wanted what leigh m pushed on me. I really think its not acceptable to do what she did. its immoral, and she probably found it hard to believe I was a virgin at 29 but she should have asked me in a un-abusive way had I had a serious boyfriend before or had sex or what sort of man was I looking for, like the man of my dreams which that guy didn't fit anyway. joyce did similar her little childish games abusing her clients sexually and other things was immoral and trying to push me to some old bugger of 70 was just beyond it. I couldn't believe he out and out put me on the spot wanting sex just for him driving me home, like you have to be joking! she should have said get a cab home. she had weirdo friends.

stupid spastic leigh m of the rsl quest didn't know me as a person and I and the hospital and a numb...

to me a party is like formal or informal, dance or just conversational some people need horses prods...

when I pay for my parents to come on a cruise with me I am taking them to a night club in the ship s...