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I Feel Like A Ho...But It Was Fun

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me and my boyfriend made plans to meet up he then blew me off for someone else i was angry and upset so i assumed that it meant the relationship was over a few hours later i was at a friends house, very drunk, keep in mind and he showed up i pretty much said i didnt want a relationship all about sex and alcohol and he told me to fuck off i assumed this meant it was <strong><em>really </em></strong>over so he left and i started gettin rather comfy with a nice boy within a few hours i was pashing the guy and i ended up spending the night with him at my mates i feel like a ho for doing this, do i deserve forgiveness?
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I use to have my little brother give me head when I was in middle school he was only 5or6 I use to tell him I would buy him a game or give him money if you let me do what i want to do and I use to tell him open his mouth or make him pull his shorts down I always tryed to put it in but it was too tight so he would just give me head every time he wanted to stop and before I would let him I would tell him to open his mouth then I make him gag real quick then I’ll stop he never liked it but I always forced him cause we were alone a lot he always tried to avoid it but I would just stick my hand in his shorts always touching his butt I always touched him when he sleep as well.

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