I am depressed :-(

and i don't want to be anyones friend but be around my mother and cats. friends are a waste of time. they don't care. i have always played life so safe i would cut off a limb and have no relationship to be safer then in one that is how I look at life. no man would give me much anyway. all users and losers. deadbeats and idiots. all men are scum my mum is right about that. dad says it too. they are right.

and i don't want to be anyones friend but be around my mother and cats. friends are a waste of time....

i don't know why we are being taught all this stuff because there will be no jobs for us just like there are no men for us. ok. what is the point of trying? give 1 reason to try anymore? old fuckers won't give up their jobs for younger people or even middle aged people without a house or husband to have a future let alone the young! so yeh, I stare right through my teacher and i don't bother talking to her what is the point, its just a computer and animated voice over the phone. what is the point?

i don't know why we are being taught all this stuff because there will be no jobs for us just like t...

i know now how much life i have not lived being tortured so much. that is the painful part that is hard to handle in me. i have hardly lived and my mother said to me when i nearly died in hospital "you have a lot to look forward to" and I just laughed at her as if hmm, you reckon, just more misery, there will never be a happy day til I am proved right about the people who abused me and they are dead so i can live my life. cuz some entity does not want me enjoying life or having a career or marriage or health because if it did, it would have known i wanted those things 25-30 years ago. it wouldn't hurt me like this if it knew i wanted my freedom to date who ever i want and not old stupid farts and idiots and it never would have had ken in my life. i never wrote ken in my life, or rick or russell, or any of the idiots i had to put up with. they were my penance. i did the time with a old pedo before i did any god dam crime on this earth and that is the truth. and church scum can say to me, "well you must have looked to be abused and molested at the age of 5 a part of you wanted it", yeh you think so? and so my dad must have too and my sister and my dads sister and my cousins and god knows whoelse. my mum must have wanted to be attacked every pay just to get her govt management wage. sure. that makes a lot of holy bible bullshit sense to me.

i know now how much life i have not lived being tortured so much. that is the painful part that is h...