screwed up idea of love

It was three years ago that i met the love of my life. It was crazy, it was full of passion, it was the "you're my soulmate, i'll die for you" kind of love. Sadly, my parents unrelentingly thought that we were too far apart - in terms of education and finances. Up until today, I still dont know how to convince them that he is hardworking (he's got a good-paying, highly challenging job!), despite not having a college degree, and that we're saving up for our long-awaited marriage. My boyfriend's work required us to be apart from each other for long periods. Two, I was made to live miles away from him, an order of my parents. In fact, I havent seen him for eight straight months already. I dont know but perhaps it is this distance that makes me cheat and have flings unforgivingly. Perhaps as well, I am confused, because I do love him, and yet I know that my life with him will not be as easy as compared to choosing to marry a richer, more established man. With the three years we have as a couple, I have had around 6 flings, and two "almost serious" relationships. I thought that these "almost-serious" guys could fill up what I had with him, that maybe he wasnt "the one" for me in the first place. All of these men are university degree holders, some are more goodloooking than him, and most are better off financially. Although I do have fun with the flings, I end up feeling empty, and missing him more and more. I also realize as time passes, as I meet so many different men, that he is unique, he is special, and that he is the only man I can give my total all to. My perpetual prayer is that one day, my parents will realize that he is good for me, and that we will one day be together, with the blessings of my parents and the rest of the world. However, for the times that we are apart, I continue to cheat, I continue to blind and ruin myself, defeat our love. Why? I don't know. Maybe I'm stupid, maybe I'm just a big lie, maybe I simply dont know what true love is. Sometimes I allow myself to think that it's because I miss him, it's because I am confused. But if there's one thing I know is true, it's that there is no other man in this world and the next, that could compare to who this man is for me, and what he does to me, and what I want to do and give and share to him. Am I wrong? Should I just give him up because I have been such a big cheater anyhow?
20

Next post in 20s

Will redirect automatically

This confession was shared anonymously on i4giveu.com