🔥 i4giveu

I'm losing my mind. For about 2 months now, the way that my mind processes thoughts has completely changed. It started with a conversation with my boyfriend, when I said that sometimes, random thoughts (sexual ones) about guys that I don't actually have any interest in would pop into my mind, like a subconscious thing. He was really upset by it, and we had a big fight. Now, I feel like those thoughts are vile and disgusting, and if I have them, my brain tells me that I'm disgusting for thinking that. Every time I have one of these thoughts, I have a panic attack until I come clean and tell my boyfriend what happened, even though he says it's not a big deal, and he over-reacted initially. These thoughts are normal, according to everyone that I've talked to, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I don't remember how my brain used to function, and every time I have s** with my boyfriend, all I do is try so hard to concentrate and not think about other guys that my brain doesn't even let me enjoy the s**. I love my boyfriend a lot, and I just want things to go back to normal. I'd never cheat on him or anything, and if I have a thought, I just wwant my brain to pass it off as nothing and forget about it, but it lingers in my brain and consumes me to the point where I can't focus on anything anymore. I haven't been able to go to class, or take notes like I normally do, or even eat. Every time I eat, I have a small panic attack and feel like I might throw up. I'm going to counseling, but nothing seems to be helping. I don't remember how I used to think, and I don't know why my brain won't let me forget anything ever. I hate this. I want it to stop.

MarriageSex
I'm losing my mind. For about 2 months now, the way that my mind processes thoughts has completely changed. It started with a conversation with my boyfriend, when I said that sometimes, random thoughts (sexual ones) about guys that I don't actually have any interest in would pop into my mind, like a subconscious thing. He was really upset by it, and we had a big fight. Now, I feel like those thoughts are vile and disgusting, and if I have them, my brain tells me that I'm disgusting for thinking that. Every time I have one of these thoughts, I have a panic attack until I come clean and tell my boyfriend what happened, even though he says it's not a big deal, and he over-reacted initially. These thoughts are normal, according to everyone that I've talked to, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I don't remember how my brain used to function, and every time I have s** with my boyfriend, all I do is try so hard to concentrate and not think about other guys that my brain doesn't even let me enjoy the s**. I love my boyfriend a lot, and I just want things to go back to normal. I'd never cheat on him or anything, and if I have a thought, I just wwant my brain to pass it off as nothing and forget about it, but it lingers in my brain and consumes me to the point where I can't focus on anything anymore. I haven't been able to go to class, or take notes like I normally do, or even eat. Every time I eat, I have a small panic attack and feel like I might throw up. I'm going to counseling, but nothing seems to be helping. I don't remember how I used to think, and I don't know why my brain won't let me forget anything ever. I hate this. I want it to stop.
20

Next post in 20s

Will redirect automatically

This confession was shared anonymously on i4giveu.com

More from 'Marriage' category

I'm married to a bitch. She told me I couldn't care for our newborn daughter since I am a guy. She hired a nanny. 2 months later I realized the nanny was mean and fired her. I'm a stay home Dad. I have changed, fed and cared for her until school. And my wife has resented it since. She questions everything I do. Is disrespectful. And lazy. An Unhealthy slob. I do most of the household work/chores. She Is disrespectful to my parents and doesn't like when I take our daughter to see my sister. I am the breadwinner also and have made a very good living. She wants more. And a trip abroad. And. And. And...... The problem is we have enough to retire comfortably. But not after she wastes our assets. Lawyers. Agents. RealEstate taxes and commisions. CPA's., 401k penalties, firesale, Ect. Then spitting the rest will leave both of us unable to retire. Work till I drop.. I worked hard to retire. This sucks. Splitting it is fine, she wants to go for my juggler, which will drain both of our retirement. I just want to cry.

I'm married to a bitch. She told me I couldn't care for our newborn daughter since I am a guy. She h...

Marriage

I went out to a party with my cousin Fernando and his wife Lisa, it was an all white party (clothing white color). We all had drinks, some had too many. It was getting late so we decided to leave, My cousin and his wife was drunk, so I drive them home. Lisa was able to get in the car herself, my cousin sat in the back. During the ride home Lisa had on this short short skirt, I could see everything. When we reached the house I took my cousin in first, as he threw up in the driveway, I laid him down on the couch. I went back out to get his wife, I took the opportunity and felt her up, spreading her legs and sniffing her p****. I even kissed her on the lips, and she kissed me back. I carried her to the front door, then she says I can walk, as she's holding my hand stumbling to the bedroom. When we reached the bedroom it was still dark with only the street lights beaming in, I can see her getting undressed, as she says to me babe f**k me. And you best bet I did, as she called out her husbands name, thinking it was him fu**ing her. She was so so good, I wanted more. And of course I took a video and some pics to remember. When we finished she told me she wanted another baby, and passed out, I continued to lay there for a few minutes, then I brought my cousin into the bedroom and slept in the living room

I went out to a party with my cousin Fernando and his wife Lisa, it was an all white party (clothing...

AdulteryGayMarriage

Affair with married maid. I am a married person, have 2 kids (9 & 5 yrs son & daughter). My wife is 18 years younger to me. I am in my late 40’s now. I am in love with my mother's maid, she is a mother of five and was married at a very young age of 13 as common in our country. She was raped by her married uncle before she got married to a person with no family and home just because she was stigmatized as a rape victim and her father thought that no good person would marry her. She works at different houses in our neighborhood to earn and feed her children and husband and to meet her household budget. When she asks her husband to work and support her, she is harshly abused by him (physically and mentally). But she doesn’t have the courage to retaliate. She is in her early 30’s now but very gorgeous – the hallmark of her personality which attracted me. Though I know her for years, have fantasized her many times in past but it was only 6 months ago (while she was working in our kitchen), I felt she was inclined towards me and I felt the same. She disclosed that she loved me. After that, we are having s** at regular intervals. When I move to other cities for work, we communicate on phone but she seldom shares her personal life with me. I know it’s hard for her because of a male dominant society and an oppressed and obedient wife. I have no idea how she exactly feels about her husband and me. Though she says she loves me but also says that her husband has the primary right over her life and she belongs to him. This hurts me very badly. It is so difficult for me to accept her husband as her husband and to thing that he is controlling her life. Though she says she loves me, but I wonder if it’s true. Even though I know we can’t be together, yet I often find myself thinking about ways to marry her. I know she wont leave her husband as it would not be acceptable by the society and she will be more stigmatized if she does and in presence of 4 sons who are now growing up. The eldest is already studying in a college. She is the most beautiful woman ever who came into my life, and I don’t want to lose her at any cost. No women have ever made me feel the way she does. Life feels deserted knowing she can’t be with me all the nights because of her husband. On the other hand I also feel guilty about cheating my wife and indulging myself in a vicious cycle of infatuation. She dominates my life. Her thoughts, her want has disabled my mind to think constructively about my life. I don’t know what to do? I need help, but don’t want to stop as well.

Affair with married maid. I am a married person, have 2 kids (9 & 5 yrs son & daughter). My wife is ...

LoveLieAbuseMarriage