I can't help keep playing games, dawdling. I am just avoiding,

I can't help keep playing games, dawdling. I am just avoiding, escaping, from facing my terrible life and making the final decision. I'm just cheating on myself. I know no pain, no gain. But I am really afraid. I'm afraid that once I come to think about them, all I get is just failure and disappointness. And I am afraid of Mom, too. She would freak out. Dear God, please, please forgive me and give me confidence and braveness to face Mom, my future and my life.