last year I spent the evening of the memorial....

I leave in Israel and every year we have this dark week of memorial days... and we have nothing to watch on t.v or nothing to do else where...  last year I spent the evening of the memorial day to the Holocaust in a hot tub with friends and we barbecued I know I should have go to the memorial serves but I can't handle the horrors of that day so I try to escape it  I know that no one will forgive me but I'm truly sorry