I have done a lot of things to punish myself over the child sexual abuse and sure as hell don't need any fucker playing games me, I have even questioned if my father secretly hates me and thinks i am not his child due to some of the evil things he has done for me. he has hate for my sister and i over exposing his pedo uncle. real hate. it was always a running joke in the family that the milkman must have fathered me and the red hair was a mystery. but my great grandfather who I remember as a child he had red hair only on the beard and I remember my great grandmother as well. i am sick of this shit life and deserve better and I could kill those people who have abused me. its only by gods grace they breathe because i wish them to hell.