discrimination and ranting? well a indian female doctor was discriminating against me as a white disability woman she said she didn't want at the practice so I went somewhere else and I know I am not racist. I told her I needed her to be honest with me and fill in the blanks for me of what specialists were saying so i could understand. she accused me of causing her stress and my specialists just laughed and said she had no right saying that to a me as a patient as its her problem to deal with and I am sure she has worse stressful patients then I could ever be. what she was doing was abuse and racist and discrimination and misdiagnosing.

I woke up really sick yesterday morning I was having a meltdown panic attack over it. I got up and I was flat out walking to the toilet and so incredibly dizzy and nauseated and had some gastro as well. I was beside myself crying that the mastoid infection thing could happen again or the RN said could I have had food poisoning because I told her I had had jauntis a few weeks ago bit was just in around the eyes and I get that from time to time. anyway before I rang the doctor I remembered I had some tablets for dizzy spells so I took 1 cuz my gp isn't back from holiday yet if I get really sick I will call a home doctor or go down to the VP24 they are better then the stupid hospital. I was crying tonight because I don't want to die from this thing and I have to go to hospital soon for something I can't talk about anyway. I don't want to die. I don't want to go through it again like last time. I would kill myself then go through it again. I said that back in 2000 after that huge middle ear infection I used to lay over the side of the bed facing the floor crying all day and all night for over 6 years and I thought that was bad enough. I thought i was gonna die then but each time it has got worse. I fear so much. I got to cope some how all alone in this. no one is gonna care when i die. no one has ever cared about me. I just don't want to have anymore senseless injections of shit in me and no more xrays and ct scans of my brain etc. Mri's fine but like the RN said for me not to take anymore tablets incase the doctor fines something more wrong but I have to go to hospital in a few weeks time for something else. I can't have all these problems, sure this was not as bad as when I needed the ambulance with my brain swelling after i washed my hair and everything was double and I couldn't walk straight for weeks. I used to slide side ways up and down the hall way checking on my mothers breathing a dozen times a night when I was really sick. I have to go to hospital in a few weeks and I don't want anyone worrying about me. I am alone in this illness and i am coping as best as i can. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoG4z3c-rZY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgp2gheUjLA Rn asked me if I have recently hit my head, "hit my head, I can't remember! since the car accident" but usually its the dam cupboard in the kitchen I hit my head on or something else inflicted. but I am feeling a bit better today anyway.

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