i have given up believing i can lose weight. just like i gave up believing I could find love a long time ago. some people just never find love especially when you know you shouldn't settle for less and don't want to anymore. I just don't believe all humans are ment to have love or know what it is. some humans are not ment to know what pretty and slim is. I can't do it all alone without gloria marshal type support and all the shop junk diet shakes are so loaded with shit and sugar they will make you ill. i just think once you hit a certain age you know it in yourself when you can't give or do anymore. i knew that about me over 10 years ago. i gave up looking for love in 2004 or 2005 I felt ugly all the time no matter what I did. and it just got worse it would help if i could wear the pretty feminine clothing I want to express myself the way I want to. but there is a energy force that doesn't want me pretty or loved or feeling good in myself. it doesn't even want me alive but i am inspite through god. a woman knows in herself when her attractability time and childbaring time is over. she knows this internally and everyone wronged me. they are more to blame then I am. people need to learn that i am my own best expert about myself and when people don't jump and move when I tell them they should not bother at all. it when i want it or not at all. everyone wronged me. and I am going to harm them and I want them to suffer in ways they can't imagine for all this suffering. my parents have a hate people.

I have been trialing different diets - fruit shakes, veg shakes, processed diet milk shakes from chemist (which a lot of nutritionalists are against them - because they are not a long term alternative they are only short term, if you drank a diet shake or any shake everyday at lunch you would end up ill. balance and moderation is important. I watched the Reasonable diet and liked that. I tried for the last 7 weeks to some days I will eat 2 bowls of fruit at lunch. and I don't believe the natural sugars are bad for you. in fruit I will eat papaya to heap period problems and its a great healer internally and externally, no fruit is going to be really bad unless you have a significant illness, because the truth is your brain does need sugar to work right. I eat salads and sometimes I do fall off the wagon and sneak in some chocolate or cake or a macaron or cheese cake or cheese, but to be honest most things are healthy eggs are healthy and milk and veg and some carbs, meat etc. I am not vegan and I don't ever want to be. I like the Reasonable Diet concept. and if they are not saying butter and bacon is ok for us I think eventually its gonna call come around where people will be saying sugar was not the all evil either, I remember in the late 70s and early 80s everything was about calories and kilojoules of sugar and fat, then it was all just fat, and studies showed kids on sugar breakfasts minds were quicker at school, proteins were good for breakfast or any time. but I am sick of all the lies. people are overweight for other reasons then just food intake alone, unemployment and lack of social connections are making people lazy and isolated and affraid. I think there are more frankenfoods around and toxins and vapors put in air and over use of nuts is not good for the liver too, and the whole weight issue is about emotional pain and illness, inflammation and swelling from viruses and bacteria and gut issues and medications. and the laziness and complacientcy and general deliberate jealousy dumbing down of the average patient that doctors are doing has a lot to do with weight issues. my mother was not a size 20 before they started on her as pre-diabetic or BP and other issues like thyroid, doctors today are lazy and jealous of there patients and it shows in the way they talk to you. a few are really good and tell you the truth but a lot of pathology is not recorded properly i reckon, I never believe much of what they tell me anyway. I have been told I am neurotic hypercondriac, I don't care. call me the synical non-believer, the pesimist and the doubting thomas but like I just no longer trust everything doctors and pathology say. how can I prove they are lying. they know anything upsets me. they know I am easily offended and it doesn't take much to get me off side. people know I dont want to hear stuff and I only want to hear what I want to hear and so far not many people have done what I want or speak how I want them to speak to me. I don't want to be told I am sick but I don't want to be lied to,, i am sick of this non-sense with doctors and if there is something wrong and they haven't told me and this is why I feel worse then they say I am then I can sue the overpaid selfish mongrel bastards.

I have been trialing different diets - fruit shakes, veg shakes, processed diet milk shakes from che...