The ragdoll cat threw up over my mothers jewellery thankfully it was not expensive things just junk cheapo stuff but its been sitting in the bathroom for weeks and i finally tried to clean one jewellery item today. I just can't do it all anymore. i stay in bed all day every day unless I go out. there is not a reason to get up when you been pushed down as many times as I have. we have no oven and no stove in the kitchen. the paint is falling off every ceiling and I am not breaking bones to do it all again. I did the last lot of painting and I am NOT dam well doing any. some other bastard will just have to pay for it to be fixed.

my aunty roslyn has placed me into a difficult situation she is always running her daughter down to me all the time. saying "she doesn't deserve a cruise or lunch" she doesn't deserve and i could tell you stuff that would shock you, I said I don't think I really want to know. gossip is just bad vibes. I just want my cousin to know that i am not hating on her. I did ask her to those things and ment well. sure she probably does hate me more then i know. I am sure they all hate me. everyone hates on me just out of bordom. but i don't have a problem with julie coming at all. I am just sick of being told how to feel and how to think and what to do by everybody and then my aunty rings upset all the time. I might have studied some bits of psychology but I am not being paid to be a therapist or counselor or life coach. I am a nothing. I can't even pick up a part time job or a decent man. and I am sick of all these old farts pushed on me like at support group who are just creepy old and you know what. I don't even believe most mens stories now. all men really are liars. I am sick of them hugging and groping at me and I dont want to be hugged by old men or women. I am not a leso and from the age of 3 my father was always forcing me to hug dirty old men I didn't know and expecting me to be mad over them just because he was. men have no idea of love and what women want. most of them are hopeless at sex too. I just want karen to know I don't hate her. Robert and Karen were always well behaved at our house, apart from the time robert set off that house trick with the soft drink bottle that actually was sort of funny but silly. the way it hit the car and he didnt even mean to do it delierately. I mean it was dangerous but it was funny also. no one could time it that well. I am just sick of people telling how to feel , how to think, what to do. and no one considers my feelings and I think I have been extremely liniant and fair with people but had enough of everybody. I really have had enough from stupid colleges and ugly violent explosive neighbors and I know I have to move soon. I have to leave this town soon alone even. I want to leave this place. It has given me nothing but suffering and pain. there has been no enjoyment for decades and I can't take life here anymore. Brisbane has given me nothing but hate. so I hate it back. this hell hole dump of a awful town full of old crows of women. old whores at my baby shows stealing my share of life. everyone has been taking my share in life here and I am sick of it. sick of the place the people. everything.

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