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A deep confession to Ms.Xia,the girl who I love...

PrideEnvySlothPrejudiceFightFraudVandalismStupidityPimpingBeing a bum
Dear beibei, I confessing here for begging your forgive and re-evaluate upon restart our relationship. Yes,I admit,I confessing you for: fight,prejudice,sloth,pride,vandalism,fraud,envy,pimping,stupidity...and being such a bum. I've been confessed once during the past year we have been knew eachother and both of us deside to ender into the new relationship.I really appreciate to the God,to everything holy in the sky,and I swear to them,I am in love with you. First,I confessing for fight with you and shout at you in public.I agree,at that time,I've been forgotten my role and what kinda promise I've made to you before,I acting like a jerk,like an asshole.Yes,you slam at me,I deserve that,I really do.And that make me feel comfortable at least.You are right now standing at the point of the cross,life,career,love...mess,huh?To the left or to the right...you make the choice.  To be continued... Jean  
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I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours. Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests. I'm going to blow my brains out. I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.

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I got the message today with Js so I am looking for someone else. Js doesn't want me so I will find someone else to admire with my girlfriends and go out and have an all nighter soon with them and find someone else. I am glad I never told Js but its over. nothing but a little pride hurt and looking for someone new now.

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