Possibly the worst thing I've ever done

Anyone seen the movie “Flatliners”? As a kid, we teased a girl who later suicided. When I was 12-14, (seventh-eigth grade) there was a girl in our class who was generally unpopular. She was a bit shy and basically quite unattractive. I was also having social problems at the time, and our school was very cliquey - you were either “in” or “out”. I was on the borderline at that point. Anyway, at some point, probably in eigth grade, I made up the nickname “Frieda” for this girl. It was based on the Aussie movie “Puberty Blues” where there is a character called “Frieda the Moll” who is generally disliked but has sex with all the guys. I was being a smart-arse and trying to get myself ahead by treading on those weaker than me, which I know is despicable (there may have been an element of that even in the nickname - when you watch the movie, you feel a lot of sympathy for Frieda and despise those who mock her). Anyway, the most popular girl in the class picked up on the name and encouraged others to tease her with it. I didn’t do much of the teasing, but I certainly was reponsible in having coined the name. At the end of eighth grade the girl left our school. Her brother was in the year below us at our school, and I guess I heard of her now and again. It doesn’t seem she fared that much better socially at her new school. A couple of years later (at the end of tenth grade), we heard that she had jumped off a cliff. Most of us were overseas on a school trip, so we only got the details later when we came back. There were rumours that her Dad always gave her a hard time, calling her ugly and useless and perhaps physically abusing her. I have no way of knowing if that is in the least bit true. Because I was o/s, I missed the funeral etc. and I have always felt that I have at the very least some contributary responsibility to her death. I don’t actually expect forgiveness, as those I need to ask it from are her and her family, and because death is so final, forgiveness is not really an option. I guess I will just always feel terrible about this, and so I should.
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I am a 49 M, father of 5. When my youngest, a girl, was 8, she used to crawl in bed with me when I was asleep and play with my penis. I woke up and caught her a couple of times, but I didn't want to make a big deal of it, so I just would roll over and act like I was asleep. She would lay on my back and finger herself to orgasm. This went on for a couple of years, happening about three times a month. One morning when she was 10, she came in before sunrise and crawled on top of me as usual, I felt her tiny hand wrap around my cock and she began to slowly hump her bald pussy against me. I was only semi conscious and felt like it was a dream. I reached down and grabbed her little butt, one hand on each cheek and began to rub her ass while I pushed my hard on against her. I heard her panting and begin to moan and I felt her body tense as she had a nice orgasm. Before I even thought about it, I rolled her off me, pulled off her panties and started licking her hot little vagina. She was shocked but spread her legs wide and let me continue. I licked her until she came again then I put my cock between her legs, and humped her, not actually penetrating her, just sliding between her legs against her bald pussy. I was still half asleep, but began to really pound it to her. I was doing it so hard it was knocking her breath out with each thrust. When I reached down and crabbed her ass again, I stuck my finger into her tight little asshole then I positioned my cock head right against her vagina hole and I came harder than I ever had in my life. After I calmed down, I rolled back over, pulled her on top of me, and massaged her back as I felt my cum dripping out of her still virgin pussy. We kissed like lovers and she fell asleep on me as I drifted off. Whenever she was horny, she would come sneak into my bad and ask me to lick her. We did the same routine every Saturday morning for the next three years. Then one day she got her period. She stopped wanting to do it, but one night I talked her into letting me lick her 13 yr old pussy for an hour. The next day she told her BFF and the BFF told the cops. I went to prison for 5 years and now she says she hates me and never wanted to do it at all. Now I am banned from her life and I am not even allowed to have a picture of her. She told my mother that she feels I abandoned her, but I am not allowed by law from even speaking to her. Its been 12 years, she is now 25. I miss her every day. I still love her like my child, but I must confess, I miss her as a lover even more. I want no one but her, so I stay alone, living my life like a robot going through the motions. I have been with other women, but its more like masturbation than making love. I dream her and I will some day meet and maybe make love, one last time before I die.

I am a 49 M, father of 5. When my youngest, a girl, was 8, she used to crawl in bed with me when I w...