I'm a jerk to my ex's

i am very depressed and covering up but feeling so upset in the stomach from hiding the pain.

i am very depressed and covering up but feeling so upset in the stomach from hiding the pain.

today is a new change and I am asking you god to stand before me and fight off the enemy and send the cutest fun clever handsome loving man that will love me and make me feel special. I am sick of hearing all the excuses out of peoples mouths about how relationships are hard as if it would be too hard for me to handle. how dare you imply that, people years ago just fell inlove and got married and lived their life around a relationship and went to church and jobs or education and there was none of this bullshit of today about your worthiness or being ready for a relationship etc and people were happy to go to church and pray and they were encouraged to believe the freedom was there fore them after the war there was hope of change. people today are being brainwashed by liars in therapy books and new age and even bible bashing preachers who don't let love be the answer to young peoples lives. I am sick of hearing how hard their relationships are but yet they are still in them and look pretty happy to me and yet try to convince me I should not want one. why? what is more special about you anyway? and my father once said at my old sisters first wedding "there is nothing sweeter then love" that is the problem today people have forgotten to allow some people to feel sweet and loved, and put price tags on love and labelled quality as crap. I still don't know why the guy I liked said to me the things he did in a meeting hurting my feelings about not having children, then blocked me as if it was some game when I was desperately sick. what is so special about you to have a child and not me, what is so special about you to have a job and education and career then me, why do you love to chase this dollar tag old woman for sex ??? and you say your paid to smile - that is so lame. oh so you like a rich old cow who pays you to smile for dirty old sex and she pops out babies all the time like the cash cow slag she is. drop your crude nude bomb on someone else and not me. cuz I am done giving a dam about you and her and your fake love and all the excuses you put up to avoid loving me and making me feel equal to you. has she been attacked and bashed and ill as often as me? I bet not. and I bet she is not as nice as me either. I was sick with scarlet fever and non-paralising polio and rashes and illnesses and migraines and car accident injuries and rape and stroke and seizures and a disease but you still seem to think she is more deserving of love and your time over me. well i think you are lame and a coward and a weak man and worse then a battery hen with batteries plugged in ya butt hole to make you smile. your a super jerk you are. a real a grade jerk snobby rude arrogant man full of ego I really hope someone bashes you down a few times and all the old creepies that have stopped the nice men loving me. I hope they suffer in hell. like richard I hope he suffers in hell for abusing me. I am sick from old men. I am sick from bullying bitchy women. give me a break god and let in the light please. and protect me from richard and those bald men I dont like. I am trying to find a good side to mustard-ass, I mean he has a good side and cant be completely bad but I did not like him when I met him but I have grown to hate most men cuz most are jerks and dont know how to care for women right. like richard he has not got a clue what my needs are and can not meet them, nor can the phsyio or back surgeon. but that cute-pie ponce from Europe can but will he? does he like me? does the onyg-tam even care or like me or has it been some sick cruel game with him has he been out to torture me is he BPta? why would someone need to put in that much effort to try to harm someone?

today is a new change and I am asking you god to stand before me and fight off the enemy and send th...

Its almost 2 years since my boyfriend and I have gotten into a mate swapping agreement with three other couples, 2 of those couples are married. It takes place once a month but in summer we usually get together twice a month in June, July and August. I switch with the 3 guys each time and my boyfriend switches with the 3 girls. Right from the start i was eager to try this but do admit the first go-round with the 3 guys was somewhat awkward and humiliaring in ways, Don, Micky and James are the 3 guys I take turns having sex with and now that I know them well enjoy it more. When we have these so called get togethers we book 4 rooms at a hotel and always go to dinner first. I simply go to the room of the guy whos turn it is and same with my boyfriend with the girls, Once there we spend the entire night with them and meet for breakfast the next morning, The only rule we have is not to talk to each other about the sex we had with any particular mate. My boyfriend and I talk about it between us and I doubt he tells me everything simply because I don't tell him everything. Each one of the guys is different in how they like the sex. When I have James for the entire night I barely get any sleep. I suspect he takes a enhancement drug or something because he is so able to keep an erection for a long time. He is also the only one who has anal sex with me. We do have oral sex in the beginning but James is usually content with intercouse and anal sex. Don is the one who likes oral sex the most and I think likes doing it to me which he'll do a few times during the night and has done it to me many times after I fell asleep. I don't ever complain about it because it does feel good even when I'm tired. Don is also the one who pays the most attention to my boobs. Don is the only one who shaves his pubic hair and when I blow him he always wants me to play with and lick his scrotum which I gladly do for him since there is no hair on his scrotum either. Micky is the youngest guy and he likes anything. What I notice with him is that he likes doggy style position when we screw and for some reason he likes to have me in crazy positions for oral sex also. The first few times I had sex with him were a little embarrassing just by the way he would display me. It don't bother me anymore since it occurred to me he positions me naked to look at me and this I know now turns him on. He also has a larger penis than the other 2 guys and is more aggressive. I don't have a favorite guy but Donny gives me the best oral sex I have ever had. His tongue never stops and he makes me orgasm more than the other guys even my boyfriend. My boyfriend admits his favorite is Joann who is the youngest girl and Micky's girlfriend. I tell my boyfriend a lot of stuff I do with these other guys but not all of it. He tells me a lot but many times I just tell him I don't want to hear it and don't care,

Its almost 2 years since my boyfriend and I have gotten into a mate swapping agreement with three ot...