Sorry Uncle Pennybags, Sorry Mr. Monopoly!

there is no enjoyment to look forward to in life, I have given up on believing some man will love me. joyce was right I am so ugly I have to bark like a dog for a man to love me. she didn't need to tell me that I already knew I was ugly but she didn't have to add insult to injury and enjoy seeing my university and romance and health failures like some sexual pervert voyuer needing to watch me go through things to make her feel better about herself. I still can't see how it helps her or me for me to be left on the shelf in every way possible and not allowed a husband or children or friends or fun. and I can't help it if I just don't love ken or russel or rick. I need a man who will act like a man and stop fighting act grown up and take responsibility for himself. I don't know why I have had to gain weight again to make sarina russo whore feel better about her ugly dogfaced self. I mean nothing could make those women feel better anyway, they just enjoy abusing certain women out of jealousy I guess I should have done it back to heaps of women myself. I wish I could bash katy back now and joyce and my sister for all the abuse and lies she has done. no one in this family loves her anymore but her delis' filipinas and I hate filipinas. they sicken me and my dad.

there is no enjoyment to look forward to in life, I have given up on believing some man will love me...

I can't say who I like and love anymore. its best I say nothing incase they see me as ugly.

I can't say who I like and love anymore. its best I say nothing incase they see me as ugly.

I am significantly depressed wondering why men have rejected me, but its not going to make me want ken or russel or wayne or frank more. so its counter productive over all this whole experience has been just wastelands for me. when I could have been in a marriage with someone I genuinely love rather then abuse and raped by ugly fat loser scum like ken or having to tolerate eating with a slob yobo fat loser like russel who got kicked out of the army and we had nothing in common at all. same with wayne we had nothing in common, frank was too childish to be a man and I wanted someone stronger then him he reminded me of my cousin too much. I am sick of being unlucky in love and pushed around. I should start pushing other people around! I needed a husband a long time ago.

I am significantly depressed wondering why men have rejected me, but its not going to make me want k...