Pretentious jerks who say "cis" You'd have to be a pretentious, pompous idiot to use stupid, made-up words like "cis".

Pretentious jerks who say "cis" You'd have to be a pretentious, pompous idiot to use stupid, made-up words like "cis".

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i bought this lounge chair for like $3000 and I hate it. only the cat sleeps on it or my dad. i just hate everything I bought in furniture I hate things I used to love. material things that make me sick really. when I was sick is all I can remember when I see that big big chair.

i bought this lounge chair for like $3000 and I hate it. only the cat sleeps on it or my dad. i just...

I feel so so sad that I could cope with being there for sabi when she died. I truely wanted to be. I wanted to hold her in my arms but the longer I stayed the more she got upset in another room without me and they let me see her in a humidity crib and and she was struggling some much to breath and her heart was going on her the more I got upset and I had to say good bye to her. I felt so awful I haven't stopped hating the world and hating people since she died. hating everyone who has abused me when I was sick for so long even before hospital visits all the time I knew something was wrong because I came home from the gp one day and my legs were really weak and I thought god I am gonna die. I don't regret getting simeon who is related to sabby and I love him. he would sleep in my arms when I was sick every day til I was like too sick and I smelt bad and he wouldn't come near me. I knew someone was trying to kill me, and simeon got sick and the vet had to give him daily injections of electrolites and I cried a lot. I don't understand why i have never been good enough for any man and why I have attracted losers who act stupid and fat and bullying and yobo when that is not me. I struggle a lot with back pain, chest pain and brain/ear pain. I worry about tumors all the time there is not a day I am not worried about my health. I don't even believe pathology results or much the doctors tell me. I struggle some days breathing and its like my brain does literally forget to breathe - a lot of people don't understand this. its like sleep paralysis and i sometimes wake with chest pain moaning in pain or feels like I m having a seisure in my sleep and can't move and I am calling out "help me help me" I can open my eyes but can't move, then the depression hits, I still hate early mornings since being ill seeing a sunrise as the ambulance took me into the hospital at that ugly big hosptial in the city was so creepy deathly. I don't want to experience that ever again.

I feel so so sad that I could cope with being there for sabi when she died. I truely wanted to be. I...

i can't think about death, I won't listen to talk about people dead on tv and I just walk away. I can't cope with it. people can't cope and help me so I can't help and cope with others. its as simple as that. spent all my life being there as a strength for others mind always alert to emergency health issues and all my mother can do is hell at me ever since the car accident I complain about chest pain. she yells and gets angry at me or she will sleep sound as a baby - its happy its got her daughters life fucked up and messed up don't worry, I wake in pain and she doesn't want to know about it. I am a burden to her with my health and pain and she attacks me for being ill or in pain. only she can get sick. not me. I have no rights to be loved, have a baby, have a husband I love, a job, a house of my own, so she can relive her youth and its driving me insane. I don't know why I am being forced to suffer this out. I don't want to live out my diary I wrote 25 years ago. I shouldn't have to wait for my parents to die before I am good enough for a white man to marry me. i am sick of this. my family are killing me. my neighbors are killing me. everyone is killing me by not allowing me my life! a job a husband a house of my own, friends. I am sick of haivng to be last on the list to make everyone else feel better when I am more deserving then them.

i can't think about death, I won't listen to talk about people dead on tv and I just walk away. I ca...