I live with Carlo and Reba since I was 4 years

I live with Carlo and Reba since I was 4 years old. I am 13 now and thier 2 kids are Nilsa who is 9 and Julio who is 11. When any of us get in trouble or are bad we get spanked. As long as I can remember they always made us get naked before they spanked us. They both speak english good but when carlo hollars at us he always speaks spanish. Carlo is my mothers cousin and my godfather. They spank us naked in front of each other most of the time. They even spank us like that in front of other relitives sometimes. When Carlo drinks a lot he spanks us for little things we do. He spanked Nilsa last week in front of me and Julio. He made her take all her clothes off in the kitchen and spanked her very hard. I know she was embarresed but not as much as i am becuse she doesn't hve any breasts yet. I don't think it is fair that i am spanked naked and think i am to old now for them to do that to me. i am always and always was shamed when i am spanked naked in front of Nilsa and Julio but many time was spanked that way in front of uncles and other cousins. I have seen Julio and Nilsa spanked naked many times and they have seen me naked and spanked many times. I have thought aboutrunning away but have nowhere to go. I try to be good all the time but sometimes i get in trouble and get spanked when i do. Carlo spanks us more than Reba does and hits us much longer and harder and both of them make us get naked. I have breasts now and hair growing and am so embarresed when I get spanked i just want to die somtimes. They don't understand how shameful it is for me now. it was even bad when i was littleler. I have begged them not to make me get naked but they just call me a kid. They don't care who is watching and don't know how it makes me upset. When Carlo drinks a lot it is even worse and he gets real mean with us. Three weeks ago i failed an algebra test very bad. Carlo got home late that day and it was after 8 oclock when Nilsa came in my room and said her dad wants me in the kitchen. When i got to the kitchen he was already hollaring at me in spanish. I knew he was drinking a lot as soon as i walked in the kitchen. I knew I was going to get spanked but when I looked around the room Reba, Nilsa and Julio were there but I never expected Rebas brother Hecter and his son Juan to be there. Jaun is the same age as Nilsa so I think he is 9 or 10. Carlo took off his belt and told me to take my clothes off as he just kept hollaring at me. I just stated crying and was trembling and shaking at the thought of being naked in front of all of them. Hecter had seen me naked one other time but i know Jaun never did. I was so scared I couldn't move and as he hollared at me he grabbed my hair and started pulling up my night shirt. When it was off and on the floor he held my hair and made me take off my panties. I was so shamed i just kept crying and he pulled me over his lap by my hair. I was almost out of my mind when he started spanking me with his hand i started to kick and scream. Reba got up and held my legs and I could see everyone looking at me. I was wiggleing so much my head was almost on the floor and he began to spank me with the belt. The pain was so bad i know i was screaming and begging him not to hit me anymore. When he finally stopped he just pushed me on the floor. I just layed there for a minute and could see Juan, Hecter and Julio looking at my breasts and vagina and god knows what else they saw when i was on Carlos lap. My whole face was wet with tears and when i got up i started for the steps but Carlo again grabbed my hair and started to hoolar at me in spanish again. I just stood their as he held my hair trying to cover myself with my hands. I could see Nilsa felt sorry for me by the sad look on her face but Juan, Hecter and even Julio were smiling and even laughing at me. When he let me go i started to run to the steps but Carlo made me come back and pick up my nightshirt and panties off the floor then I just ran as fast as I could to my room. A few days later I sat and talked to Carlo and Reba and Carlo wasn't drinking. I pleaded and begged them not to ever do that to me again in front of people. I told them how much they shamed me doing that and they finally promised only to spank me in private from now on. I just hope Carlo isn't lying to me and keeps his word. I am xtra carful to stay out of trouble and am studying harder everynight now and do all my homework.
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I'm tired of all people Hi and please excuse my bad fucking grammar, its 2:30 am and im just so disappointed at the people i surrounded myself with. Here i am fucking trying to be the best human being i can, treating people the way i wanted to be treated but yet im so fucking unappreciated. For example i hate when people ask you if youre okay after they found out you went through some shit. Since i hated when people who do that i always ask someone if theyre okay mentally because i know what its like to not have anyone there to ask me. Anyways going on with this shitty rant.. My friend who broke up with his ex a couple months ago started messaging my other friend in our group chat of 10 people saying shit like " Hey can you fuck my ex… get her to fall for you and leave " AND YET NOBODY IN THE FUCKING GROUP CHAT SAID ANYTHING EXCEPT THE FRIEND HE WAS ASKING. I thought i was going insane because everyone seemed to be okay with this. So i asked my close friend if what she thought and she said that it was super fucked up. Anyways today my other friend brought it up with me and im like thank fucking god someone was talking about it and agreed with me that its so fucked. He said that my other friends were talking about it over dinner and were talking about the strategies he should use. They were saying shit like "Phase 1 complete" and im so fucking disappointed at everyone. THIS ISNT OKAY AT ALL. Like yeah dude i get that she cheated on you and hurt you but you were stupid enough to stay with her for another couple months, lead her on making her think you guys are 100% okay and left her without any closure or reason what so ever. AND SHE LITERALLY WAS DEVASTATED AFTER YOU BROKE UP WITH HER. I get you were hurt that she cheated on you but why dont you just leave her the fuck alone. Why must you have the need to go out of your way to intentionally hurt someone. But thats not what pushed me off the edge to the point i had to literally write out my fucking anger(which rarely happens) and the only reason why im doing this is because i dont expect anyone but myself to fully understand my feelings. And yeah my friends who think is fucked up still dont understand. im just tired of all this bullshit…. And im not dumb enough to kill myself which doesnt sound so fucking bad BUT its not going to happen. The girl i like is the one who really hurt me the most regarding this situation and people in general. She was the one i wanted to rant to because i thought she was someone who actually wanted to understand me and hear me out. When i tried to talk to her about it the first thing i got was " omg im tired of this topic" since shes in our friend circle too. Thats what really gets under my skin and is a huge turn off. When im genuinely serious and want to talk about something the least you can do is fucking let me talk about it. I never once complained about the bullshit you talk to me about. Fuck you and everyone. Im so fucking tired of being a decent human being. Im tired of this shitty world we live in. IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING AROUND THE WRONG PEOPLE. Nobody i know has the same mentality as i do, which is treating others with respect and being sincere. We live in a world where people sin, go to church to beg their god for forgiveness, feel morally okay, and repeat the same fucking sin. Hey god can you forgive me so i can feel better about myself and repeat it because its okay since you'll always forgive me. Ughh…….. Im just tired honestly. I wish someone actually wanted to understand me and know me for me. At first you'd probably think im some fucking troll on the internet who fucks around so much. But in reality im actually fucking caring. Im the person who would stick by your side while everyone fucking hates you. Im the guy who will tell you that everything will be alright and im still here for you. I know what its like to have everyone turn their back on you and not give 2 fucks about you. I just want someone to want to know whats going on in my head. Who will go out of their way to understand me for me. Im tired of being noticed for all my stupid acts instead of recognizing me for being nice. ugh im over this stupid shit. Call me overdramatic, stupid, weak, i dont fucking care. Im just tired of being nice. At this point being an ignorant fuck who doesn't give a shit about others sounds so fucking good right about now. BUT TOOOOOO FUCKING BAD IM CURSED WITH THIS WAY OF LIVING. Its hard to find genuine people nowadays. But its not like anyone wants to be nice right? I hate when people say their nice and yet they still walk past a homeless person and have this disgusted look on their face or even ignore the and even worse call them worthless. Im just using homeless people as an example but its a pretty good one. ugh people make me sick. They have this mentality where theyll either ignore someone and call they a waste of time when that person is at their lowest in life. Yeah they know theyre homeless and theyre doing the best they fucking can to survive. and im pretty fucking sure youd go insane from being alone all the god damn time. If anyone actually reads this just know im not perfect myself, everything your reading is real. But just know im a liar in person, i sugar coat things and hide things from others for whatever reason. not in a bad way obviously. I lie because i want attention from others by making my life seem like shit so someone would ask me if im mentally okay. But eh its not like anyone cared to ask. I doubt anyone would read this but yeah. Fuck everybody

I'm tired of all people Hi and please excuse my bad fucking grammar, its 2:30 am and im just so di...