I touched and lapped my friend's penis when he was asleep

And I am a guy, too. I know he is a straight. I can never acquire the sex from him. I have been with him day around for 2 years. He likes me, but not love me. I like him, nearly love him. Just I cannot love him, I am afraid of loving him. He has a girlfriend, I know I will never get his heart and attention really. So last night, I lost my mind that time. I stealthily got his dick out of the short, touched and lapped before he got a little aware of the feeling. I stopped. That time, I can hear the sound of my heart, with my hands shaking.This morning, he seems OK and didn't seem to find my action last night. But I feel I am so pity. God, made me dead, or give me a female body. I am afraid that I will get addicted to touching his body when he is asleep in future.