I don't mean to complain Honestly, in many ways my life sucks. My dad's a drug addict whom I never met. My step-dad and mom are both bipolar and emotionally abusive. My step-dad also is a cop and treats me like a criminal any time I'm even the slightest bit out of line. By slightest bit out of line, I mean the one day I got stuck in traffic and showed up exactly at 11:01pm. One minute past curfew. He screamd at me for about 20 minutes about how horrible that was of me. I also have to buy all my own things with my own money. Yeah, I know it's not a big deal. It just sucks when you're 17 and making minimum wage at Chuck E. Cheese. Some days I count up all my change to see if I have enough to eat that day. My parents take almost everything I earn and use it towards bills and their food and essentials. I understand they need help too, but I'd appreciate it if they stopped charging me for everything. I also have to buy all of our chickens feed; but only two of the birds out of eight are mine. This means I'm only aloud to have two eggs per day too. Sadly only one of my birds has started laying, so for now I have one egg a day. If I spend any money on myself, they call me greedy and selfish. If I want to go out somewhere besides work; they assume I'm using drugs. At the same time, I love my life. My family has its moments, but they still are my family. Even though it's s***** pay I honestly can say I love my job. Everyone there always helps me out and lets me vent to them on days when I'm upset. A few times I've been insulted by customers, and I had every other girl in the store come up and give me a hug. They really are some of the best friends I could ask for. My boss has also slipped me free meals and lets me take home extra food. My friends aren't always there for me, but I love them anyway. While I complain a lot at times, it's mainly just because I need to get some things out in the open. Really I don't mean to sound like a b**** or anything.

I don't mean to complain Honestly, in many ways my life sucks. My dad's a drug addict whom I never met. My step-dad and mom are both bipolar and emotionally abusive. My step-dad also is a cop and treats me like a criminal any time I'm even the slightest bit out of line. By slightest bit out of line, I mean the one day I got stuck in traffic and showed up exactly at 11:01pm. One minute past curfew. He screamd at me for about 20 minutes about how horrible that was of me. I also have to buy all my own things with my own money. Yeah, I know it's not a big deal. It just sucks when you're 17 and making minimum wage at Chuck E. Cheese. Some days I count up all my change to see if I have enough to eat that day. My parents take almost everything I earn and use it towards bills and their food and essentials. I understand they need help too, but I'd appreciate it if they stopped charging me for everything. I also have to buy all of our chickens feed; but only two of the birds out of eight are mine. This means I'm only aloud to have two eggs per day too. Sadly only one of my birds has started laying, so for now I have one egg a day. If I spend any money on myself, they call me greedy and selfish. If I want to go out somewhere besides work; they assume I'm using drugs. At the same time, I love my life. My family has its moments, but they still are my family. Even though it's s***** pay I honestly can say I love my job. Everyone there always helps me out and lets me vent to them on days when I'm upset. A few times I've been insulted by customers, and I had every other girl in the store come up and give me a hug. They really are some of the best friends I could ask for. My boss has also slipped me free meals and lets me take home extra food. My friends aren't always there for me, but I love them anyway. While I complain a lot at times, it's mainly just because I need to get some things out in the open. Really I don't mean to sound like a b**** or anything.
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I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But looking at me you would never know. People are catching on as my life falls apart. I've been living like a quadruple life I guess. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't think of anything I like. I hate everything and everyone. I have no friends left, the women of my life cheated lied and stole the entire time I've known them. Most of my buddies too. Just users you know. I always offer too much and people gladly accept my generosity. I always try and help but it eventually becomes them being entirely dependent on me. Then they go and I've lost so much in them. I never see the fruits of my labours. Now I'm totally alone. And financially ruined. Relying on booze and drugs to feel better about the shitty person I am. I pray to god thanking him only, not asking for more. He still rewards me a lot. Gives me great opportunity and strength to conquer challenges. But I can't conquer myself. I want to end my life. Nobody would notice except the few leeches who still cling to my generosity. Everybody I've helped is doing great. I never took time to take care of myself, or set myself up better. My friends, wife, in laws, girlfriends, and associates have all benefitted greatly from my efforts but I'm fucked mentally physically and financially. I even still protect people after they betray me. Keep their secrets, bend to their requests. I'm going to blow my brains out. I hate this world, it's ruined anyway. Goodby you fucked up people. There's a good chance that there is someone in your life going through this who helped you a lot. I bet you won't even reach out to repay what's owed. Sick fucking society world wide.

I put this under waste because I've wasted my life. Here it goes. I'm bad like really bad. But loo...