i hate the way this house looks and smells like an old mans house, junk everywhere, he scatters shirts and books everywhere, listens to the radio to morbid wasted drivle and thinks we are weird going to flower shows and gardening and if I study its like "why are you doing that?" yeh, why, none of it ever got me a freaking job or man so why am I bothering?" I really want to go to the library and study, I am sick of teaching myself and I want a proper teacher who wants to teach and help genuinely. who has the time and care to want to teach.

i hate the way this house looks and smells like an old mans house, junk everywhere, he scatters shirts and books everywhere, listens to the radio to morbid wasted drivle and thinks we are weird going to flower shows and gardening and if I study its like "why are you doing that?" yeh, why, none of it ever got me a freaking job or man so why am I bothering?" I really want to go to the library and study, I am sick of teaching myself and I want a proper teacher who wants to teach and help genuinely. who has the time and care to want to teach.

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why do the wrong guys keep persuing me- teens of 12 or old buggers of 50-70 and married men who insult me and are just users. seriously ! it can't all be something in me that is lacking.

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left my doctor and felt worried but a lot to think about.

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