3 of my boyfriends died by the time i was 12 , I must be cursed.

I hate being 'hot' I'm "hot", or so I am told. I am not a narcissist - I do not think I am hot; just others. It disgusts me that strangers will slow down their cars, whistle, make obnoxious noises and gestures at me, and so on. I have never had a guy friend, because I have yet to find a guy who can be friends with me without letting the way I look get in the way. I gained weight intentionally, and even this didn't stop the comments. I am disgusted with society. But most of all, I'm lonely. Boys just see me as an object; girls often resent me. I do not mean to sound ungrateful, but I truly wish I looked "average", whatever that is. Then, perhaps, I'd have some true friends.

I hate being 'hot' I'm "hot", or so I am told. I am not a narcissist - I do not think I am hot; just...

we are More than have been just friends holly I've been married 28 years and even though my husband and I still have s** fairly often I found myself masturbating frequently when he is away. He has a very good job but travels around the country and often overseas a few times a month, sometimes for a week or more. My two children are both married and both live quite a distance away. I go to the clubhouse and pool two or three days a week and became friendly with Neil. He is 69 years old but he has a great personality and is fun to be with. My husband knows him well also but has no knowledge of how my relationship with Neil has transpired. I still have a nice enough figure to wear a two peice bathing suit and still like how men look at me. It was just over a year ago the first time I let Neil give me a massage. The first half dozen times I was in my bathing suit but once I became comfortable with him touching my body he slowly talked me into removing my top. Then he suggested I only wear a towel and for some reason I had no embarrassment of him seeing me nude and massageing my entire body. Once the nude massages began it led to him masturbating me each time and I only reacted by having intense o******. I actually expected him to pursuade me to have s** with him but after awhile he confided in me that he was impotent. As is now he massages me about 8 or 10 times each month and I am totally at ease with the way he sees and touches me. He sees me naked more than my husband does and yet I feel no guilt by letting him not only massage but also m********* me. When my husband is home he not only sees Neil often but we actually go out to dinner together. I doubt my husband suspects anything because of Neils age and also his appearance since he is not a very handsome man. My husband seems to like him very much and sometimes suggests we have Neil come for dinner. I have offered to m********* Neil many times and have held his p****. He said he has tried v***** a few times but that has no effect ever since he had prostate cancer a few years ago. Even though he can't get an erection he still tells me how much he enjoys looking at me naked, touching my body and satisfying me.

we are More than have been just friends holly I've been married 28 years and even though my husband ...

. I love how comfortable you are with yourself and all of you friends. I like your friends. I like the way you are with my children. I like your fitness habits. I like your truck, I like that you are a mechanic but getting a tooth pulled caused a startling revelation last week, the dentist wanted to do an implant which he was going to charge right but things got edgy we just did it because it felt good and we were both experimenting our sexuality. I know I am not gay, but because of what I did, it makes me feel like I am. I can't seem to forgive myself and move on, I am stuck in the past, hating what I did and who I am. now I want something new.

. I love how comfortable you are with yourself and all of you friends. I like your friends. I like t...