Confessions about 'Abuse'

Page 147 of 194

we have all had cancer and surgery and illnesses here and there is no wage coming in this house other then pensions and no fit man to clean things while they next door have 2 wages coming in have cars and she roots around like whore with other men, like a jezabell whore without any consideration for any single women here. my sisters husband is in the filipenas having surgery for piles and stomach boils and he was forced to look after his sick father and all this family have abused him, my sister and him deserve their time together after all they have been through he is a filipena good man my sister tells me, with a daughter and I have begged the govt to allow him here my sister to be with him, he has graduated and worked on a bike and looking after his sick father and as a political minder in filipenas and she said he is the love her life and she will not let him go for anything. he is a black man and its her choice. I need a husband myself but I don't want a black man, I want a white husband, I always thought I would marry an academic or professional and he would be my prince charming, might not be everyones idea of that but he will be my idea of that. I wanted a career and children and house of my own and better health, I always looked after my health and its only because no one would give my mother or father a job we have been poor I can't afford a car and pretty hair to attract a man, I also have been black listed for a long time, I used to wonder why I went to so many legal and hospital jobs and knocked back, so did my father he wondered why he was knocked back from work. it has dinted his pride and mine also. just like not finding a husband has mentally effected me and I am sick of being told that because I am ill with a back injury and overweight or what men won't want me, or that i am not good enough for a white man or professional man. I study a lot. I could have graduated from 1 degree I decided not to if I couldn't complete law due to being bashed so much and illness I didnt want to graduate and look beaten down by everything but joyce wanted me to have nothing. she said that so much. I don't know why she could not bare to see me with a handsome young man the way david gave my sister a beautiful wedding and child when she was young. I had the same right as everyone to have that as well. I want a church wedding and its mentally effected me deeply. the scars are deep and pain probably cant be completely repaired that joyce and russo created! I should have had the right to have an advocate on my side like everyone else in the family who was helped to marry.

we have all had cancer and surgery and illnesses here and there is no wage coming in this house othe...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

they make fun of me because I like lowy and jarlson.

Abuse

people next door dancing paganistic satanic dances around bon fires and attacting a man and attacking possums and they were going on about hate of cats and possums and certain animals, teaching the children to hate innocent cuddly animals.

people next door dancing paganistic satanic dances around bon fires and attacting a man and attackin...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

whore next door wrote a letter about my mum and I complaining to counsel about the chooks in our yard and the savage dog near attacked my mother and the whore next door thinks her neighbors get on with her, my father only looks that way because he is dead terrified of her gorillar brutus the rhino coming over bashing him. he won't want to try me, because i will call police and scream him down and up and bash him myself. no man wants to take this angry fat mongrel bitch on or I will go them! so whore next door has another think coming! her arse wiggling whoring mentality and her real estate go-getter rob your grandma act won't work here, that slut has been trying to make out I am crazy for ages and my mum and dad have woken up to her little fiasco, that strumpet whore! I hate her and never did like her, her rich husband who is younger then me and fat can build the fence - we are poor pensions who have all had cancer and surgery and she and her gorillar won't want to start with me. I am wake up to this manxy whore! my parents don't like them at all.

whore next door wrote a letter about my mum and I complaining to counsel about the chooks in our yar...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

like my relatives are probably just laughing at my illnesses and abuse issues, that is all they ever did was laugh at us, they made fun of my sister at her wedding reception and yet when its them its like "you have to be quiet and be thoughtful and so understanding" they are suffering and all this poor them you have to be like "I am so sorry you going through this" and show them love and yet when anything bad happens to me like being bashed or attacked just walking to university or the car accidents and the child sexual abuse or date rape - its all one big joke to them. sue laughs at others and yet we were all considerate to her about her childrens disabilities etc same with other relatives, they think its funny that I don't have a husband and they ruined my life and career and health and think its all one big joke, I can't relate to that. to me that is satanic. its just evil. that is why mum said I don't have to forgive them for what they did and how they didn't help me when I was being abused as a child and some of them knew. or with later stuff. mum said i don't have to forgive them.

like my relatives are probably just laughing at my illnesses and abuse issues, that is all they ever...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I won't expect you to understand how it feels anyway!

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I won't expect you to understand how it feels anyway!

Pride, Abuse, Hate

they have to put on this acidic vinegar solution into the vulva area to see what abnormal cells that are cancer likely cells this is not really bad but it stings a little especially if you have compromised skin. this is the worst part of these auto-immune skin disorders that they can turn cancerous. I get skin cancer checks and make my mum get them as well, but I wasn't expecting all this and its a worry to me because I have been sick on and off now like when my grandfather died I bought home the flu and my lungs really frightened me. someone came into the surgery when I was working with bird flu and my boss was not happy about that and then I got sick and my doctor thought I had whooping cough and I had mris and I was in a lot of pain, I know so was he. but I know his mother hated me. i think they all just wanted to kill me really. but my relatives have never liked me much I know that. its there problem not mine.

they have to put on this acidic vinegar solution into the vulva area to see what abnormal cells that...

Abuse, Hate

since I was sick I sort of feel strange about my faith with god, I did feel a sense of something with me when I have been sick but to be honest I am just thinking "god is a bastard with a bad sense of humor" and the churches really are a farse, I like the stability of church and all but feel like I don't fit in or not accepted, unliked, unwanted there or used. its like they want all or nothing from me. and I can't be like the nuns I am human and want a husband I thought a while about being a nun only because the school asked us to think about those things but I was like I don't think I can live up to this. yet look at the silly way I live. not allowed love, no allowed this or that. its stupid. I have less faith in humans and less in what is beyond now. when I have seen all my dreams ruined. my life ruined when I wanted better things and marriage when I was 23 and not want joyce wanted for me. not ken and other idiots. I have lost faith in good manners and good will and humanity more. I think some people are born to be evil while others exercise more inner strength and its why they find themselves alone a lot, I have probably hurt people I wish I could hurt a lot of people I wish I could have more nasty words to people like they have had for me most of my life. if I could get my hands on a few of those asshole ambulance jerks I would spit on them. a few of them are in the wrong jobs and have no kindness and no caring about them you can tell they hate their job so why bother doing it then? I would put a few who were rude in a war zone, they should be polite to patients feelings. I thought a few were complete vulgar scum with their rude verbal statements. it won't win favour from me like russo didn't with her evil antics she is evil. that woman is evil. she is so evil she should be hung like mussolini.

since I was sick I sort of feel strange about my faith with god, I did feel a sense of something wit...

Abuse, Hate

why do people get offended by questions? a question is not an accusation, unless it is given in a tone but a statement is a accusation a question is just a question why get offended at questions about business policies? seriously. open ended questions and closed questions the first things you learn in law school the difference between a question or a proposal or proposition usually comes with a question mark for answer its not a accusation. like once I asked my mum "have you ever killed someone?" I know my grandfather had to in war but like a question doesn't mean a accusation. its just a question to say yes or no or further information. really! people will ask questions about companies policies if they are purchasing items, it is just a fact that they will its part of the contract in some cases. I don't know what people get offended in business about questions about bloody policies I don't go around asking everyone have they killed but thinking about it. what a way to start a conversation? not much tact, I just said it in tongue and cheek to see her response really. she just looked at me vaguely and I laughed.

why do people get offended by questions? a question is not an accusation, unless it is given in a to...

Abuse, Hate

like I said to the lady the other day I don't want to see harm happen to the chooks wondering in the yard I am still upset over that wild blue crane that was run over on the road on my birthday it just upset me so much I was outside exercising that night and I have not gone out exercising since it upset me so much. this driver just deliberately drove straight at it and I heard it streetch out a painful death the poor thing and it had the most pretty blue feathers and I had to call the local govt to remove it off the road it felt like a bad omen, I just don't want to see the chooks killed really and I don't want anyone in the family or my pets being attacked by their savage dog. I like dogs but not savage ones. I love my cats more. my mum had to put some lavender and gerniums and blue bells back in where the chooks have dug. they have been laying eggs in our yard. I don't want snakes and rats around.

like I said to the lady the other day I don't want to see harm happen to the chooks wondering in the...

Abuse

so 2 wedding veils came and I bought a vintage scarf because I don't like a lot of modern scarfs I like the vintage designs more. I swear I ordered 1 of the wedding veils in satin white and one in lace detailed ivory but it came white so I guess I shouldn't complain. if I send it back I won't see it again like the pants I ordered. I have had a headache neck ache and back ache with rain and hobbling around in pain bent over, finally the stitches in my vagina are not hurting I mean the needle was painful the rest was ok but there was about 3-4 days bleeding I didn't expect from the surgery anyway, I have shoved needles in myself into my skin I just like the feeling of being in control the doctor said I handled it better then most would have. I just hope it is going to be ok. I have been in bed all this week but studying IT and legal subjects and signed me and my mum up to do some medical subjects because I signed her up for a psychology course and she completed her nutrition course as well. my mum came into the surgical room with me cuz I was so nervous. I asked her to come in with me. I didn't start shaking til I felt the stitches going in then I got the shakes and shivers.

so 2 wedding veils came and I bought a vintage scarf because I don't like a lot of modern scarfs I l...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I have shoved needles deep into my skin to ease ganglion pain and it worked a bit however I had a massive bruise in my hip. I shoved needles deep into my skin a lot of times. heating them with fire or anticeptic before hand and just sticking it in to skin in legs, arms, genital area, I have cut out warts on my skin and then they went away using heaps of metho or whatever I could get my hands on and yet I still am terrifed on needles and blood but I have watched myself bleed sticking needles into capilaries as a child a lot I don't know why? mad and angery I guess.

I have shoved needles deep into my skin to ease ganglion pain and it worked a bit however I had a ma...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

stalker fuck off!

Abuse, Hate

mac could be a 9/11 plotter, I mean so could a lot of people like joyce, ken, rick, db, pr william and any hr really. I know its not me and that is all that is important to me. I am not having someone try to make out it was me, I don't even trust my brother and his wife they could be 9/11 ny terrorists too. you just don't know. I met so many evil people I can't help pointing the finger at. I wouldn't trust our neighbors either they are evil - they would do a terrorist attack like ny 9/11. I live in fear everyday I am here near the fucking cunts.

mac could be a 9/11 plotter, I mean so could a lot of people like joyce, ken, rick, db, pr william a...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

don't thank me you social deviant dirty ken carey. I never liked you. I couldn't wait to get away from you. I just didn't like you. it was an annoying creepy experience and nothing will change that. you are a loser of the worst kind. go find a vogue model whore that is 20 to fuck and stop bothing me, cuz you sicken me. you made me ill. being with you was like being left in a room of greasy pigmes - and I so seriously know I deserved better, I could kill both you and leigh and william for what you did, you are stupid spastic people. you don't know how spastic you are. leigh morris should have been bashed up for that and ken should be murdered. russo should be publicly exicuted like mussolini and have a face masked for her family to look after she dies because she looks so ugly now anyway. and joyce should be left to rott in hell in a bali jail full of deadly snakes. i don't forgive people. mum said I don't have to. so I don't.

don't thank me you social deviant dirty ken carey. I never liked you. I couldn't wait to get away fr...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

have a look at all the little mongrel shitfaces at those baby shows and where their cuntfaced lives are today. lazy usuless spoilt little mongrel sprongs of breeding shit class people. no I don't give a dam about you. I don't have to like you selfish spoilt little mongrels that took from me.

have a look at all the little mongrel shitfaces at those baby shows and where their cuntfaced lives ...

Abuse, Hate

all the ungrateful mongrel children I looked after and their ungrateful mogrel parents were all a bunch of complete asshole shitcarters - as dad would say. bunch of users losers sickos scum or senile tard overpaid harlot faggots as grandma would have said.

all the ungrateful mongrel children I looked after and their ungrateful mogrel parents were all a bu...

Abuse, Hate

I am sick of snotty asshole people. I have to learn to copy them and do it to other people to get rid of the feeling and pass it around. if they do it to me I do it to others.

I am sick of snotty asshole people. I have to learn to copy them and do it to other people to get ri...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

mum said june has a face like a prune it doesn't get any tighter or nose up in the air any higher and anna said "I felt sorry for her stuck with a old bastard mongrel pig like bob" I said "I don't care so long as I don't have to put up with him and anna said, yeh I agree, what a asshole he is spitting everywhere when he talks"

mum said june has a face like a prune it doesn't get any tighter or nose up in the air any higher an...

Pride, Abuse, Hate