Confessions about 'Hate'

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I don't even know what it would feel like to have control over my life and get what I want from life. I just get hunted away everywhere I go anyway.

I don't even know what it would feel like to have control over my life and get what I want from life...

Hate

who are you?

Hate

I just tried some papaya and penonie and more seaweeds, it stinks like a weird sea smell with the frankisen and myrh and I just can't get over how burnt I am my leg got burnt and even my foot.

I just tried some papaya and penonie and more seaweeds, it stinks like a weird sea smell with the f...

Abuse, Hate

my mum said once she got so sunburnt as a child her mother had to cut off her dress and she said she was grateful because she hated the dress anyway. I know that feeling. like today I have tried frankincense and myrh and fennel oil, aloe and seaweed again, and sprayed some peppermint spray over me. and made a green tea with cider vinegar and lime and cinnamon and last night I had some coconut water again. I only ever have 1 coffee a day and I drink more tea as I prefer the taste. I am blistering on the back. I don't know if I went to my skin doctor he would probably not be good about this and of all people I should have known better already having skin cancer removed but I seriously was not in the sun that long, I thought the bloody tree shade was more then adequate - when these things happen I really begin to question my common sense or is it just some other factor? like I walk longer distances other days I like to go for walks sometimes because it just clears my head so I find any excuse to go out because I am sick of being at home. well really to be blunt I bloody sick of everything and everyone around me, I just want to move and change a lot of things in my life. I am not happy here anymore and I have not been happy living in this area for a long long long time. its only money and opportunities that have held me back. I hate the place, I hate the area and the people. i just hate everything about it.

my mum said once she got so sunburnt as a child her mother had to cut off her dress and she said she...

Abuse, Hate

I am officially marinating! lol

Hate

this is the first time I have been seriously burnt for well over 30 years since school days - oh i remember all the swimming school events i got burnt so bad. god.

this is the first time I have been seriously burnt for well over 30 years since school days - oh i r...

Hate

soon I am going to try some seaweed again, but the ice pack is good. the burn is all over my arms and back and face and neck and bit on my legs. I just wanted to go out in the sun and look at the water and stop hyperventilating at home.

soon I am going to try some seaweed again, but the ice pack is good. the burn is all over my arms an...

Hate

so far I have had a cool shower, vinegar and honey and watermint hydrating gel and peppermint lotion and mum gave me a ice pack and I just can't believe i burnt so quickly. usually, I am so ultra-vigilant over these things.

so far I have had a cool shower, vinegar and honey and watermint hydrating gel and peppermint lotion...

Hate

this indian bitch doctor never gave me an explaination for her bullshit games the whore bitch witch. I hate her today as much as then because she had no good professional practices at all and my therapist told me to get rid of her if she was going to harm me and not help the specialists and support their advice. the woman is a nutcase. evil vile witch I have no time for and I felt like she was using me and wronging me the whole time, no quality doctor giggles and laughs and makes fun of the specialist and she was always making me feel like I could not trust them, the same with wellpt they were doing similar abuses as well. lying on patient charts and getting things wrong mixed up with other patients deliberately and saying and doing stupid things and I knew that was don and mary abusing me. I knew they were behind the whole fraud game they had going with valentino. evil vile people. untrustworthy scum of the earth.

this indian bitch doctor never gave me an explaination for her bullshit games the whore bitch witch....

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I was sick this morning with gastro and I made the mistake of going out for a few hours to sit under a tree near the water and I got burn under the tree. I just couldn't take it at home and had to get out of the house for while and see life outside. and I didn't want to eat much i just had a milk and cheese drink and my usual heaps of water but I forogot to put sunscream on, I wish I was not so forgetful. really its embarrsing, and I can't believe I am this burnt just walking 10 mins to the bus and sitting under a tree anyway, i am so sore now its shitty, I have put aloe vera on but I am still burning inside. I have just had this heat and this awful brisbane climate I can't take it anymore I have hated it for the last 25 years I hate the place so much. I hate burning you can't enjoy the outdoors its so hot and I am sick of it.

I was sick this morning with gastro and I made the mistake of going out for a few hours to sit under...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

i am nice to people they act rude to me, if I act rude to them they act nice to me, this abuse has to stop, I am not going to be your jesus schizto nutter suffering on the cross for you! lazy mf asshole.

i am nice to people they act rude to me, if I act rude to them they act nice to me, this abuse has t...

Abuse, Hate

when your a loser ugly dog like me you always get abused, but it gonna stop soon because I will not be your fucking jesus dying and suffering on the cross for any cnt mf or any person at all at any dirty churches or fck upty snots and low lives. so stop abusing me you dirty mf scums. your trouble and dangerous spoilt selfish assholes alright and I am not the criminal don makes out I am. I bet he is but.

when your a loser ugly dog like me you always get abused, but it gonna stop soon because I will not ...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I just went out for a few hours at lunch and sitting under a tree and wait at the bus stop and I got really sunburnt I don't know how I was careful but careful enough. I hate getting burnt, oh I am always doing something wrong when I don't mean to. the world hates me because I am a dog ugly fat old loser - what can I say?

I just went out for a few hours at lunch and sitting under a tree and wait at the bus stop and I got...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

one physiotherapist I went to when I was really ill did really hard massage on my left shoulder and he said to me "you have an incredible tolerance to pain" and I thought "yeh well don't push it mate!" because he seemed to go all the harded and then said to me "you will feel like you are having a heart attack but your not" sure enough a few days later I was packing off to another doctor beside myself in over my mastoid eventhough all the mri's and ct scans were showing what they said was "nothing" yet the ambulance officer said "there is a good reason why you have been sent to the neurologist/brain surgeon" the heart pain was out of this world serveral times in a few months I thought I was going to die I could tell when my heart was slowing down and I would be pacing around all hours of the night trying to breath and I was seeing another physiotherapist as well for pnemonia treatment and I just wondered why people were doing all this to me? ever since I was a kid people were putting this shit down on me, then all this deliberate isolation like I was some leppa or freakin criminal on parole going to russos answering the big bear gruff which was just insanity. all these doctors and tests all saying "no nothing is wrong, yes you have a ear infection but you won't die" and I was like well why the hell is this driving me insane the infection took forever to go down and once the ent did the surgery on my ear drum I had all this blood on the roof of my mouth for weeks and I couldn't brush my teeth so I was using salt a lot and I couldn't wash my hair because everytime I did it felt like my brain water was swelling and you just get sick of doctors saying shit at you that its like they are taking a bit off you rather then being sincer and polite, and there were a few really good doctors as well. one indian young doctor at the hospital was amazingly thorough, I get really annoyed sometimes because a lot of doctors today forget very basic procedures like BP and pulse and looking into throat and eyes and chest - they are often as lazy as the cops and will take the laziest way out of a case which years ago doctors would never do. I was insulted a number of times and I was warned to shut up and let the situation go and ignore all the bullying and if I said anything it was like I was going to get it I got the warning via other people however, they use other people to talk through them. that is what I don't like its really snide too. and I was not going to back down. I told one indian female doctor to go shove it because I was polite to her and she would giggle and shake her head and say the specialists didn't prescript the right thing or it wouldn't work what they prescribed and I said "I have to trust my gp i have to rely on you to work with my specialists and tell me things if they don't, if you think its an issue say so say why? don't just giggle and she was like "I don't need to read all that from the specialist I am a doctor" and I said yes but I am not! I need you to follow with the speciaist and not have me as lettuce leaf between the sandwich. why are you working against the specialists every time? why do you keep saying they are wrong?" that only puts more doubt and upset on me then making me question them more and more. I don't need anymore doubt I already have plenty, and I don't want anyone ruining my professional relationships with any more of my doctors becausse its annoying having to change doctors I need to settle somewhere and trust what they say. I try my best to ignore as much as I can, but I don't need the unwanted comments that are insulting because believe me, I can be insulting and slash back unexpectly at people too! I have my ways and means of finding peoples secrets out. I will undo people who mess with me, I hate my neighbors for attacking D, he can answer for himsself if he wronged me.

one physiotherapist I went to when I was really ill did really hard massage on my left shoulder and ...

Pride, Hate

i feel really sick the last few days I want to cry but I can't, nausea and feel like just want to throw up and I wanted to ask the eye specialist if I had a brain problem at the back of my eyes or anything cuz my ear has been sore, but I feel stupid if I say anything I don't even know if they would tell me the truth anwyway. no one tells me the truth much and all talk heap of shit most of the time at me, and I just look at them like 'oh well, that's a few more thousand in your bank account ya cnt! fckoff then I will be on my way out the door mfasshole!" hope you die before me not nice knowing you! cheers then. and I just smile flatly! cuz as if they care anyway!

i feel really sick the last few days I want to cry but I can't, nausea and feel like just want to th...

Abuse, Hate

i just have had no feelings and stiff upper lip and express no emotions because no man is ever going to love a dog shit nothing like me. and thank god my therapists think "X" was no good for me. and I have illness to look forward to not much else. nothing much else to say but suffering like joyce wanted me to be.

i just have had no feelings and stiff upper lip and express no emotions because no man is ever going...

Abuse, Hate

I am so sick of crude rude ads. I just find them offensive but I find everything offensive these days it doesn't take much to offend me or psss me off! I have a low tolerance for everyone and everything and genuine hate for people.

I am so sick of crude rude ads. I just find them offensive but I find everything offensive these day...

Hate

there is a lot of nothing in the universes and a lot of nothing in most people and a lot of nothing in everything around you. the world is full of nothing. I am nothing. so yeh! I wish I was a blonde dumb self involved youtube vlogger but I don't have the patience for making videos because my mind is on other things anyway. video and film is a waste of time. its a load of complete rubbish. I wish I knew where the fun was!

there is a lot of nothing in the universes and a lot of nothing in most people and a lot of nothing ...

Hate

I used to care about politics and stuff but look when you sick or dead none of them are gonna care about you! or how you felt so why bother giving a stuff, I am all about me me me me me me! I should have been a selfish self involved dumb blonde at 16 instead of a learning red haired loser! seriously, no one is gonna care and there is no god! sorry if that offends anyone but I think there really is no god. if there is he is a complete jerk! but if you want my opinion expeiencing illness- there is no god. there is something and a whole heap of nothing but its not what you think.

I used to care about politics and stuff but look when you sick or dead none of them are gonna care a...

Abuse, Hate

all he wants to talk is boring politics and I don't give a fuck about those losers! they are lowest scum of the world that do nothing for real victims like me. they have done nothing to help me so why should I care about stupid ragass politic whores!

all he wants to talk is boring politics and I don't give a fuck about those losers! they are lowest ...

Abuse, Hate