Confessions about 'Pride'

Page 20 of 73

I have a problem. I have had many girlfriends in my life, but I only ever passionately fell head-over-heels in love with one. We met 15 years ago, when I was in my late 20s and she was in her early 20s. We were simply perfect for each other, we loved each other, and we would definitely have got married if it wasn't for one major problem. She was already married and had a small child. When her stupid religious parents learnt she was pregnant, they forced her to marry against her will. This was to save face and stop their family being shamed. By doing that, her parents ruined her life, and maybe mine. We were only together for about one year, but what an intense and passionate year for both of us. We were best friends. We made each other laugh. We made love incessantly, it was the best sex I had ever had and to this day it still remains the best I have ever had. I begged her to leave her husband and come to me. I promised her the world. I would have had no problem being a father to her child. Money shouldn't be a problem no matter how rich or poor a couple is, but I was actually quite well off, so money was definitely not a problem. I told her I would do whatever it took to be with her. We could start again in a new city. I could completely change my life. I didn't care, all I wanted was to be with her. Actually, I was a little bit too desperate. Ok, maybe quite a lot too desperate! But I had never felt such passion before. She very nearly did it. We even looked around at houses and child care. We talked about it. But the family and religious pressure was too strong. Her parents (and her husband's parents) found out. They had a "meeting", like an intervention, and threatened her. It shits me that no-one (except me) cared about her happiness, they only cared about "what the neighbours will say" and how they look to their friends. Talk about fucked up priorities (excuse the language). She disappeared. I desperately tried to find her, but she ran away from it all. After we broke up we had no absolutely no contact for a few years, but then somehow it started again. Now we see each other about once or twice a year, but when we do we almost always end up making love passionately. I don't penetrate her, but we do everything but. Maybe that's my way of convincing myself I'm not doing something wrong. It's the best sex I've ever had. There's just something about her. She's not the hot little thing she was 15 years ago, but she's still very attractive and I just don't care what she looks like. She gives me the most intense orgasms I've ever had, and I do the same for her. She literally screams out loud, grabs the sheets and curls her toes when she cums. We joke that we "use each other for sex", but we know it is a joke. I feel this might go on our whole lives, our attraction is so strong. Maybe I'll still be making love to her when we are in our 60s? Who knows. My feelings when I am with her are just as strong as they ever were. Strangely, when I am NOT with her, I don't think about her much, I have a completely separate life to lead. She is still married to this dweeb who got her pregnant all those years ago. Their marriage is totally loveless. Apart from her shitty "husband", who treats her like crap, I'm the only man she's ever slept with. Other guys chase her and she's had a few dabbles, but she says she's already had enough drama and problems in her life, so she doesn't go through with it. She "sleeps" with her husband but she just grins and bears it as her "duty". She hates having sex with him. She says it hurts. They actually sleep in separate beds and are like housemates, not husband and wife. They now have three children. At one stage she thought the middle child could be mine, but it isn't (much as I sometimes wish it was). I know it's very wrong, but we both fantasize about him somehow dying. But that would be taking away the kids' father, and I wouldn't want that. This is not my only problem. There's more. I met another girl, and very very slowly over seven years we have become boyfriend and girlfriend. She thought were were in a relationship from the start, but for me it took a lot longer. But now, today, I think she's lovely. She's wonderful. She does everything you could possibly ask a girlfriend to do. BUT - there's something missing. A spark, a passion. I don't know what it is. But it's missing. This girl ticks all the boxes, but doesn't tick the X-factor box. She hasn't got the je ne sais quoi. But we're really close. We understand each other, she knows everything about me and I know everything about her. We've been through a lot together. We go places as a couple. We ARE a couple. Maybe I am being unfair and way too picky. This girl has done everything right and I was actually not that nice to her at the start, but over time we become very very solid together, and my feelings for her grew. My feelings for her are somewhere half way between those of a boyfriend for his girlfriend, and those of a brother for his sister. I know that sounds creepy, but all I am trying to say is that there is a strong element of platonic friendship and protection there, as well as a healthy dose of sexual attraction. But not the unbridled passion I experienced with the first girl. After seven years, and now that I am in my mid 40s (God that sounds so old), it's definitely time to ask the second girl to marry me. It's overdue in fact. She wants kids, and so do I. I know I'll never be with the first girl. But I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. I still secretly see the first girl once or twice a year. Seeing her while I am boyfriend with the second girl is the act of an asshole, I know that. But seeing her while I am married? Way worse. I SHOULD end it with the first girl and marry the second girl. But I am terrified the passion associate with the first girl will return (or never leave). I don't know what to do. I'm wracked with guilt.

I have a problem. I have had many girlfriends in my life, but I only ever passionately fell head-ov...

Adultery, Pride, Abuse, Violence, Marriage

I have a test tomorrow that I'm very concerned about but instead of using this last awake hour to study, I am doing online searches for photos of floating corpses and staring at them. I have always had the feeling that I will either find one or be one, in some river or lake. I want to find one so I can have it over with.

I have a test tomorrow that I'm very concerned about but instead of using this last awake hour to st...

Pride

prison vetran hardass in the officers mess but server agraphobic stealing other peoples history has to be the lowest thing and that was when i disrespected you all joyce. your over. a facebook vapor trail master manipulator joyce who cons her way through life like a skany assed whore. cant cut the cheese in the real life and why she has no long term places other then what she knows where she knows she can scam.

prison vetran hardass in the officers mess but server agraphobic stealing other peoples history has ...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

for all the money i paid you joyce and other therapist scum what have you really done for me? i went out of my way to meet you, and work on myself to be better. i can name a few things i have done for you and we will get into them soon but, i put in hours into improving my self with support group after support group, self help books and courses and just because i reject some poofter wooser yes wooser ossser! drunk married old pig from the navy, I am a peaceful with myself, but people i can't hold it in any more that you kunts are just keyboard salad and not a good bloke. two faces and serious shades of scum! i own who I am but do you? i spoke to a friend about this and she told me to rise above it don't stoop to the fakery of others at the top!

for all the money i paid you joyce and other therapist scum what have you really done for me? i went...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

i have several beautiful women wanting me to help them get men, far more beautiful then any of you old dogs and fat slut pigs, and users and bitches. far more beautiful then you could even possibly imagine! or have the comprehension of understanding!!!! you couldn't comprehend it at all.

i have several beautiful women wanting me to help them get men, far more beautiful then any of you o...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

when your in love with a beautiful woman and are a woman as well, and i aint a dr hook or gay but some women make me still cry because men abuse them ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCJpzpd-8us I have several beautiful women wanting me to help them get men. I work!

when your in love with a beautiful woman and are a woman as well, and i aint a dr hook or gay but so...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

Boyfriend's dumb ass sister So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now, we've been living with his family for almost 3. I'm about 1,000 miles away from my own family and friends. My boyfriend has 3 sisters and a brother. The oldest sister doesn't live here and she's actually really nice, but the younger two do live here and they're total bitches. And not bitchy in a cute way, bitchy in a 'I want to beat the shit out of them' way. The middle sister (we'll call her monkey face) is usually okay too, she only starts running her mouth when the youngest sister (we'll call her pig face) starts her shit. The youngest sister is by far the worst person on this planet. She is nice when she needs something or when she's mad at someone else and needs someone to agree with her. Other than that all she does is start problems. At first I tried to reason with her, I'd go to her and try to talk about what was upsetting her. But if you try to talk to her then all she does is start telling and calling names or threatening to beat you up. So now I just ignore her until she gets over her little fits. But, it seems even that doesn't help anymore. I'm not the only one she's like this with. My boyfriends brother has a girlfriend that lives here too, they also have a baby together. Her and pig face used to be close until she also started shit with her. Now she pulls the same crap with her that she pulls with me. And not only does pig face run her mouth about his girlfriend but she's even sunken so low as to talk crap about their 9 month old baby. And before this girl was in the picture he had a ex that lived here and she put her through the same shit. I've went to her mother but all she does is take her daughter's side and make everyone else out to be the problem. I feel like I'm going insane putting up with all this. My boyfriend and his brother have stuck up for his brothers girl and I many times. But all that seems to do is make it worse. I feel like I'm going insane. I have like no one to vent to about this. I stay in my room 24/7 to avoid starting shit and not even that helps. She literally beats on my door talking crap and making threats. And of course once she starts so does monkey face with her comments and laughing like it's all a joke. I'm so stressed all the time. I love my boyfriend with all my heart but his family is a fucking joke. We can't just move out because we don't have enough saved. I really need someone's opinions or to vent to about all this. Please help.

Boyfriend's dumb ass sister So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now, we've been livi...

Pride, Gay

I don't want anyone's friendship.

Pride, Abuse, Hate

well you won't black mail me.

Pride

I'm in need of advice Lately I've been getting h. I'm Lutheran and pretty good at staying along the lines of doing what my religion says is right. I'm not going to have s any time soon and i don't m*******. Usually I can get the feelings to go away by just ignoring it, but now no matter what they don't go away. I need help.

I'm in need of advice Lately I've been getting h****. I'm Lutheran and pretty good at staying along...

Pride, Blasphemy

i grew up hating feeling fat most of my teens and youth and young adult life I would yoyo weight a lot, put it on, lose it and not understand why. most of it was simply food and exercise but not really arranging time for exercise or planing senible eating routines til I was in my late 20s after at university. I hated being fat being called the fat red head ugly shy loser bitch etc. old fat maid and more. a fat dog, witch by tv news reporters when I was just 24 and so shy I hardly talked to anyone and was a virgin til 29 so never talked about sex with friends ever and would walk away due to sexual assault that I was in denial about. i lost weight and wanted to stay thin and everyone wanted me fat again. especially when I didn't like the married fat short bald man who raped me. lets get something straight right now- who ever it is implying I gave my aunty mary cancer has to be the sickest bastard out. how can a child do that, no one told me i had cancer dr staplebum ! and dr webster calling me old. yeh, so just because I was fat and am now and said I hate being fat, and hated a fat married old man with tattoos raping me you all decide to abuse me, well how about you all get abused see how it feels. yeh, while fat and thin I even said "oh yeh I hate fat people" how many times have you heard fat people say that, or people will say that about church people, or tv shows, jeans and banks or snobs or druggies or gays or blacks or asians or richbie cars, or red heads or whatever, they will all say "oh yeh I hate red heads" but they are red, or "I hate this or that" but they are exactly what they say they hate. so what you want to hold that against me too, because I am human. oh, but its ok for you to be human and make mistakes, yeh, its ok for a married man to rape a 29 year old virgin who was sexually abused for decades by a dirty old man and felt so fat and ugly and hated but its not ok for me to be human and say something contradictory and sarcastic or make a mistakes as a child but your so forgiven because your a man well, who do you think you are? which is the greater crime here. excuse me! but I will get over it and live but will you'all?

i grew up hating feeling fat most of my teens and youth and young adult life I would yoyo weight a l...

Pride, Abuse

I bought my mother some scarfs and a top and I got a blue sun dress for myself that i wore down to the pool but I wish I was not so fat. I eat fresh salads and fruit and only now and then have fats like butter or coconut fats, like today lunch I made a nice salad for us it was a feta and warm baby beetroot with red and green lettuce and watercress and red pear with side soup and worst thing I ate today is 2 bits of coconut dark chocolate and a slice of fruit bread with butter.

I bought my mother some scarfs and a top and I got a blue sun dress for myself that i wore down to t...

Pride

Am i stupid? I made a facebook.. added my friends and stuff.. and added this really cute dude... didn't know him but he liked me to.. we started going out .. i was super happy.. until my noisy cousin came in... started talking to him . i don't even get why she would she said she hated him .she said he was ugly. she said multiple things an she said " ewwwww Mia i know your not dating him ! " when i told her he asked me out.. then she started telling him lies about me. she not even my real cousin.. but it seems like he believed the things she said.. he started talking to me differently....i mean i really liked him..but seems he doesn't even like me anymore.. its more hi whats up k bye.. then what we used to talk like an flirt): miss him.. wish i never told her.. he changed his facebook status back to single.. guess really does mean were over.. he didn't even have the guts to f tell me .. thing is i don't care.. i till like him i still want to date him .. do fun things with him.. i wish he came on this site.. just to read this and know how i feel. i love him stupid to get attached to a person on the internet right? stupid to cry myself to sleep over him right? stupid to know hes always on my f mind no matter what i'm doing? stupid to even have added him right? stupid to even reply when he first started a chat with me saying " u fine ." right? stupid to cry over something as silly as him changing his facebook status right? never done it before but. just something about him i guess): and yes i wrote " Tired.. just in case u thought this was familar):

Am i stupid? I made a facebook.. added my friends and stuff.. and added this really cute dude... di...

Pride

Democrats drawn into CommunismAnd they are gradually sucking the entire Country into following their philosophy. If you don't agree with their mantra, you are labeled a fascist, racist or other undesirable, inflammatory label. Not since the Civil War where the Republicans abolished slavery and the Southern Democrats banded to attack Washington, has there been such a broad attack on our laws and Constitution. What good are our borders, if we don't protect them? What good are our Police, if we don't support them? What good are our Politicians, if we don't question them? What good are our laws, if we don't follow them? And most importantly; what good is our Constitution, if we don't follow it? Add to that: What good are the Republicans, if they don't stand up and fight for the very principles upon which our Country was founded? GROW SOME BALLS AND DO WHAT WE ELECTED YOU TO DO: STOP THE DEMOCRATS AND THEIR SOCIALIST AGENDA!

Democrats drawn into CommunismAnd they are gradually sucking the entire Country into following their...

Pride

I grew up very sexually repressed.. Leading to me being too scared to want to do anything really sexual.. Didn't really even like touching out of fear that I was dirty by the past.

I grew up very sexually repressed.. Leading to me being too scared to want to do anything really sex...

Pride, Love, Sex

I groped my roommate's fiance and pulled down my pants to let her look at my anus and I swore several time and took drugs and drank at the same time once in front of her and used profanity

I groped my roommate's fiance and pulled down my pants to let her look at my anus and I swore severa...

Pride, Lie, Sex

afraid to look pretty!

Pride, Abuse

being catholic you did have to live like "Refugee" We got somethin', we both know it, we don't talk too much about it Ain't no real big secret, all the same, somehow we get around it Listen, it don't really matter to me baby You believe what you want to believe, you see You don't have to live like a refugee (Don't have to live like a refugee) Somewhere, somehow, somebody must have kicked you around some Tell me why you want to lay there, revel in your abandon Honey, it don't make no difference to me baby Everybody has to fight to be free, you see [Chorus:] You don't have to live like a refugee (Don't have to live like a refugee) No baby you don't have to live like a refugee (Don't have to live like a refugee) Baby we ain't the first I'm sure a lot of other lovers been burned Right now it seems real to you, but it's One of those things you gotta feel to be true Somewhere, somehow, somebody must have kicked you around some Who knows maybe you were kidnapped tied up, Taken away and held for ransom Honey, it don't make no difference to me, baby Everybody has to fight to be free, you see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFnOfpIJL0M

being catholic you did have to live like "Refugee" We got somethin', we both know it, we don't talk...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I can't get excited about doing this silly design degree no matter how much I try, I am too practical. I spoke to a priest about ideas and he has more of a idea of what I am interested in than that frivolous rubbish of design. I take my mum to church and the ballet and high teas and massages and gym for something to do, we raise money and help out a few charity groups and i need more help then I can give right now. I am so tired and stiff in the back from the rain on my slipped discs and neck aching and all I could do was get home from the wet rain to have some old brandy dark fruit christmas pudding and custard cuz I don't care what people think of me anymore. I rarely wear make up and hit my eye today putting on silly eye liner and those things are just all filled with poison that gets into the skin. I go to boring church or support group meetings and I am a dull person. I don't even drink soft drink or cordial or even juice much - just water or teas, I have a wide variety of teas as does my dad and we all like them, we have a capincino machine we opened at xmas and all these coffee no one uses. I am worried about my persian cat she could have urinary tract infection and my black/chocolate cat is clearly an allergy cat which is stressing me.

I can't get excited about doing this silly design degree no matter how much I try, I am too practica...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

no more family i love any of you's to anyone!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSkboTTTmpg https://www.udemy.com/how-childhood-and-family-history-affect-our-happiness/learn/v4/overview

no more family i love any of you's to anyone!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSkboTTTmpg https:/...

Pride, Abuse, Hate, Violence