I am depressed :-(

i am so sick of these book publishing companies annoying me over my childrens book ideas, I don't have the confidence to draw like I did as a teenager its a art i lost interest in and anyway, i like my book ideas but not a lot of people do other then the book companies and I just don't have the money to publish, I had no idea how expensive it was anyway, and to get a professional or amature illistrator etc. I wish I had come up with these book ideas back when I was a teen. I have been working on other stories as well but my heart is not into them. sometimes it works and other times writing a story is harder work. I am not talent I just do whatever I am moved or in at the time, its like with art I used to draw and paint a lot, now I don't give a fring for it. it doesn't interest me the same way. I could draw a violin or still life or things but I just am bored with that now. at home I do more floral design now and love doing that. I also like different arty things and these publishing companies want to own your life and soul. I know they say they are trying to make it easier for me to get published but I am so depessed right now. this ear infection and chest pain and I have been serverly depressed since the vaginal byopsies to be honest. I don't know what could move the depression away. maybe some real friends, I don't know if people even have real friends anymore? do people still do that????

i am so sick of these book publishing companies annoying me over my childrens book ideas, I don't ha...

these cockroaches have been breeding in my new bedside cabnet and I have no idea what is attracting them. I spray they go away for a while, its the same in the kitchen they get around packets or boxes or electrical things in winter and we seem to constantly be getting weavels, it must be coming in food, my mum cleans and they are away for a few months and back, now mum read that you should freeze flour and any grains for a while to kill any weavels that can be in grocery store items - why can't they stop them before they hit the packet?

these cockroaches have been breeding in my new bedside cabnet and I have no idea what is attracting ...

everything has to be washed out for the recycle bin emaculately when its just junk that gets washed out at the depot anyway, this fucking idiot retard is driving this family mental over rubbish hoarding and if its not him its my sister and her black filipenos and her love of them black assholes. I wish she would live in filepino land and never come back but she should be made to clean up the mess she made here. mum and I cleaned the granny flat and had it nice then she wrecked it all over again. she will not lift a finger to clean that lazy selfish slob bitchy husband bashing bully , she has attacked me often violent physical and verbal abuse all for her black ass filipenas

everything has to be washed out for the recycle bin emaculately when its just junk that gets washed ...