🔥 i4giveu

Confessions about 'Bu'

Page 120 of 198

the consultant catherine said I was looking good yesterday, I don't think so I feel so fat and sad and I have never had someone to hold my hand through the trauma. I am evious of people who are not that good looking yet life and love comes too easy for them and you wonder why? why was I bashed most of my childhood and life, why was I lied about. like one girl tonya went around lying about me everywhere saying I gave her someone elses tablets when I was about 8 and it really messed me up. then katy went around lying about me and ron and other people and these people caused my problems and ken was a liar, he really should not have done what he did, these people should know better, there is no excuse for what they do.

the consultant catherine said I was looking good yesterday, I don't think so I feel so fat and sad a...

Abuse, Hate

I colleges and businesses or even just people who ignore me, if I have questions or want help then it should be there, they didn't deliver what they promised but that is wa and past tense now. I hate old english men who like telling others what to do but don't like taking advice or whatever from others. like I rarely have been in a role of being able to tell people what to do, but I don't have to just their crap as a customer you expect better quality.

I colleges and businesses or even just people who ignore me, if I have questions or want help then i...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I got myself into trouble over writing to the UN about a new form of parenting with children with disorders, and I don't care - it shit me off. I don't think any child deserves to be forced to live in a garage or be denied love or food or have earn playtime. I was pissed off.

I got myself into trouble over writing to the UN about a new form of parenting with children with di...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

if it comes with a heart monitor machine I would go out with it. I wish I could buy one and have it on all the time.

if it comes with a heart monitor machine I would go out with it. I wish I could buy one and have it ...

Abuse, Hate

I no know that my father must have an amazing degree of self control giving the shit he has gone through, but I have days I am in terror that I lose the plot like friday and told the college to go die and rang the therapist a few times and screaming to them that "someone is trying to kill me and drive me mad I can't take it anymore" and she was like making me stop and breath and then the police came to see me this morning and they don't even frighten me anymore. the young big guys are still the more caring and cuter too.

I no know that my father must have an amazing degree of self control giving the shit he has gone thr...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I know I had a stroke on my birthday in 2014 and I had a lot of trouble speaking and breathing the choking fits were driving my mother insane, I was crawlling on the floor choked up and I was patting the woollen blanket over the footstool seriously believing it was my cat, I was so out of it. and I woke to this blackout thing I call it its like suddenly you forget how to breath and I was gagging and I had to hit my mother to wake her and I trying to scream "I can't breath" and I was choking and sluring bombed out and its like I would not give into sleep in fear of dying in my sleep, i felt like I was going into a coma it was scary. I just have vague flashes of the lady on the emergency trying to keep me talking and awake til the ambulance got to the door and it was so awful. I just don't ever want to feel that ever again. it was hell.

I know I had a stroke on my birthday in 2014 and I had a lot of trouble speaking and breathing the c...

Abuse, Hate

so I have fucked off another surgeon I think I he is a good doctor and surgeon obviously done more study then I could be bothered doing but just upsetting me, so i feel upset because I need to rely on my doctors to be responsible and sensitive to my needs and feelings and health, its a brain thing .... you feel the sinuses (blood veins etc) in your brain going crazy its scary! one day I might even cry about it all the fear I was living in and I hugged this girl who had to have brain surgery she just reminded me of me I could see the fear in her face and I dont think I could cope with brain surgery too quickly if ever, like heart surgery - the aim is to avoid it because prevention is better then the cure.

so I have fucked off another surgeon I think I he is a good doctor and surgeon obviously done more s...

Abuse, Hate

yeh friday was such a sht day right, I was screaming at the cat and everyone my father near had a heart attack at my scream high pitched "shut up" or "die die die" or "fuck off fuck off FUck off" and I get so agro around my period, if you think its hard for you how much harder do you think it is for me living in this pain? my cancer specialist said that the vaginal skin can take up to a year to heal its been hell but not near as hell as my ear and head, and over exposure to xrays on my brain. most days I just worry about getting through the day if I will live it out to be honest, and avoid issues with my brain or heart because it terrifies me to the point I drove doctors mad, I know that. no amount of tests would make me believe nothing was wrong ever since my friend died it impacted me so deeply for some reason I can't explain. she was a middle aged woman with kids and young husband I sometimes wish she had not have put it all on me, its like the suicide stuff and cancer and then just become obessed to want to avoid it, you avoid life to avoid death, and that sounds stupid. I know I have a slight form of pyschosis, but I won't tell my psychiatrist that >LOL, he can work it out for himself he has more knowledge on the brain and body then me. so I just get into volitile and irritable moods and server depression moments and I put on a fake jolly act as well for my parents, and I learnt to bounce around hospital beds during heart problems to get the dam hell out of their and then I would want to go back. sometimes I just want to feel safe and loved. all I get is fucking women hugging me and its annoying. I want a mans attentions and affections. like it just upsets me that people can't see that I have feelings. when I was not sleeping for about 5 weeks straight I just knew I needed that doctors help. we all have breaking points and I was so scared I was going to die and even he said that to me afterwards. I just want to move on and find the love I have missed out on. the longer I wait the more volitile I become. the screaming and fear of will I die, will I make it through the day, avoid this symptom or that. cope for everyone or you will look a coward and weak and as a woman is any woman allowed to be those things unless your pretty? no !

yeh friday was such a sht day right, I was screaming at the cat and everyone my father near had a he...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I felt really deprived today with out my 3x 750ml of water before lunch just to go to the eye specialist. who would have thought I would have ended up a complete sot laying in bed drinking down bottles of water all day studying cramming that much study in like a freak? It started with kidney ultrasounds and bloodtests having to drink a lot of water and I have to drink double to everyone else to thin my blood down to get any thing out in a blood test, I just freak out all the time and cry if my viens collapses often and if I get blood takers who are not confident it annoys me, I need ones who are really confident and then I don't feel it as bad. I have to say I do sometimes feel better afterwards with blood tests but I can't cope with just getting out 2 lots so I have wanted to give blood its so important to give blood to the blood bank but I worry about things with my blood. when I had the ear infections it was awful I couldn't drink water and would have to drop supply down and suffer it out and it was painful on my kidneys and I thought I was going to die several times. dying is not an easy thing to do. its scary I hope I die in my sleep when I am old and die quick not slow, the fear drives you nuts. I can't handle the whole thing we just avoid it, I have said I do worry I could die before my mum and worry for my cats to be looked after, but I am a water freak, I can down 7 or more of 750ml water plus tea and other things. I go to the toilet for something to do. but I have been trying to pee out a kidney stone and its shit awful. you have drink lots of lemon or lime. I need ambulance people who know the f what they are doing especially with my chest and heart pain and I am not making things up . I don't understand why it seems to get better when I am around hospital or doctors or heart monitors and then as soon as its gone I am freaking out, I can't stand heart racing and pain or slow heart rate its painful.

I felt really deprived today with out my 3x 750ml of water before lunch just to go to the eye specia...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

just got back from the ophthalmologist and it was so scary. I just felt so hurt and angry and that look I guess of I have suffer out everything in life alone, not like other people who are born special. for someone who had such rich godparents they could have asked me out and introduced me to some proper flaming men around the place. like I am so sick of study in a way but I enjoy the things I am doing now. I but it wish everything was easier, I had a lot of eye pain today after the drops and blurred for ages and just really impressed with the physio how he is just so good to his employees. wow, wish I had a boss like that. but my eyes are super sore and I just want to sleep, I have my period and I am so tired and yet need to lose weight and I think I have vit b12 deficiency I was getting the shakes and dizzy last night. my sister and grandfather had that b12 problem and I have wondered. i have high cholesterol which is a worry. I am so depressed since surgery just feel like I have no hope in finding a husband or real love, why did we believe all the lies about education? I should have 3 masters degrees but none of things matter to me as much as real love and valuing what I am doing, being valued for doing something rather then nothing. I am not good at initiating relationships or intimacy and sex. that has been my problem all this time my shyness. I was excessively shy and shame based abused so I just shut down. look at everything I have missed out on. like the work, to work in an nice air conditioned office would be nice. to own a house and car and not have all these medical and money worries. other people are allowed work and a dream so why can't I have it too? I am getting sick of this whole deal.

just got back from the ophthalmologist and it was so scary. I just felt so hurt and angry and that l...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

excuse me sarina russo but you could learn a lot from anthony robbins, an abudance mindset is not about making people your intimidated and jealous of because they are younger then you fat!, thanks for making me fat and unhealthy you will pay for that. you cost me relationships, empoyment and a husband and positive self image. your crack team said I did not need to be on any special diet or weight loss or exercise but all my doctors say I do! your company caused my illnesses. you should be sued. you should be forced to fix all this. you have gone too far and need to be taught a lesson and stop ruining other womens lives you old dirty slut.

excuse me sarina russo but you could learn a lot from anthony robbins, an abudance mindset is not ab...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

love to me is being able to wear the wedding dress of your dreams in a church and a lovely wedding day and diamonds and foods and being treated like your worth being invited to parties and events by others and being appreciated, helping do community things and getting rewards for it and having friends put on a suprise birthday party for me, love to me is being given choices and feelings of "you are good enough", love to me is getting the high income pay cheque in some corporate office or academic profession , or why is it all the psychology i did, all the university all the law , all the health study all the things I have done - nothing is ever good enough. I have no skills, I have nothing any man would want but fat old losers? why? why is everyone else allowed a men of their choice and baby and wedding but me? and I this always being forced out with losers like russell or parker or gossing or ken who were dead boring depressing morbid losers I couldn't stand. why cant I bash a women for a man like katey did. why can't i be like joyce with a police husband who looks cute and treat young women like shit likee she did to me? why cant I have a corporate job or own investments that would make your ass fall off? like other people are allowed to. why am I the one that always has to be reasonable and sensible and everyone else is allowe to be stupid, violent and rude and nasty but me, why do I have to have more self control than anyone and everyone else I know or around me??????? NO ONE HAS THE SELF CONTROL I HAVE AND I AM SICK OF IT. I WANT TO BASH WOMEN. I WANT TO BASH CERTAIN MEN. I DON'T TRUST A LOT OF PEOPLE ANYMORE. WE NEED TO WIN A LOTTERY TO GO ON THIS CRUISE CUZ WITH WORK I CAN'T DO IT, I CAN'T SAVE WITHOUT WORK. I SHOULD HAVE EMPLOYMENT AND I AM A BETTER PERSON THAT SARINA RUSSO OR MOST WOMEN ACTUALLY.

love to me is being able to wear the wedding dress of your dreams in a church and a lovely wedding d...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I can not bare the sight of smug smerk shh princess kate she is just so arrogant and flippant and rude and abusive towards me and all she has ever done is bully me with all the royals. that is all they know how to do is bully and abuse. they can't help people, they don't ask you what you even want to know anyway, like all men if they are happy they think the woman should be and most women arent happy and if you interviewed most women whose men think they are happy they would say no, he is and he thinks I am but I am not happy, because happiness is different things to differnet people. like love to me going out all the time for dinner and parties and nightclubs and concerts and exercising and buying houses and holidaying and working and being valued and liked. where as love to you is sitting on a lounge chair together crying - sorry but not my scene. love to me is being given diamonds and flowers and driving around in a expensive luxuary car and plush housing with everything I need. love is about looking good and feeling good, love is not fat and old and sad and depressed the way you and ken and everyone has made me. I was only ever feeling joy and love when I was thin and in the city working or studying and busy meeting a lot of people and getting money for it.

I can not bare the sight of smug smerk shh princess kate she is just so arrogant and flippant and ru...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I don't know what man to like because everywhere I go I get attacked or hounded and bullied by other women or other men to the point I was considering becoming a leso but its not really my scene I like men too much. I just want to get married and would marry most men but most of the men my age now remind me of the old pedophile who molested me so I feel sickened and turned off and because of weight gain I am not interested in sex much. sex is something I am only interested in when thin and I have money because I know men only really want rich thin women. the whole has been set up for me to fail. thanks ugly world for bullying me away from every men I really loved, wrecking every career dream and marriage with a baby or two dream. you wonder why I hate kate middleton and other slutty dogs like her. they don't even deserve their kids and marriages and careers that have come too easy. I just look at a female friend because most men I meet are crap. thanks joyce poorter for not listening and deliberately hurting me like this. just thanks for the abuse - why didnt you go abuse the therapist who harmed you and not take it out on a woman who needed a young man when I was young. now its all too late. I will probably die young now. I have no hope left in me to find love or employment. I always get told i have no skills how ugly i have always been. I was a ugly hated child. i was never allowed to feel like a pretty bride or mother with my own baby. you will pay for that one day all the haters are gonna pay for this! or someone will make your kids pay and their kids for abusing me.

I don't know what man to like because everywhere I go I get attacked or hounded and bullied by other...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

please sxpet its not fair on others on this site what you are doing - please go and get professional help if you are having sex with pets just go get mental help. few people would support sex with animals, its just dirty fucking pets, just stop doing this to this site. others don't want it on here. go to a site where you can get it out of your system and people appreciate it because no one does here. its not funny. its not intelligent. people don't want to know to be honest. I just couldn't imagine having sex with animals having there dick in my ass or mouth or mine in theirs, please get help for yourself. leave us alone.

please sxpet its not fair on others on this site what you are doing - please go and get professional...

Abuse, Hate

I don't understand lazy parents who let their little kids of 3 or 10 or til 18 have unlimited computer time without placing a bar on it and watching what sites are suitable for their kids and what ones are not. like all confession sites, youtube, facebook and other sites they are not safe for kids and people are stupid if they think they are safe without the parent watching everything and remove them from sites that are dirty or they should be stated AO unless they are kidsonly sites. parents have only themselves to blame if they mindlessly allow a child access without watching what the kids are doing, they are your kids you have to take responsibility for them yourself otherwise you are the abuser worst of all, you the parent!

I don't understand lazy parents who let their little kids of 3 or 10 or til 18 have unlimited compu...

Abuse, Hate

I have to fill in time between your visits and my saving and its not easy T.

I have to fill in time between your visits and my saving and its not easy T.

Abuse

I feel like a contradiction because I see myself as a christain but I don't really believe in all this jesus stuff or that he could have really existed, I do believe in god and the holy spirit but I don't believe really in the other stuff or the way its taught in a lot of places, this over-emphasis of the death of jesus is really barbaric and disturbing to be honest to put in kids heads or anyones. the whole self sacrificing rubbish is over done completely. so there you go, I need more proof of jesus. not of god. I don't believe in satan or the devil either or a lot of things we have been told about history.

I feel like a contradiction because I see myself as a christain but I don't really believe in all th...

Abuse

dear bugbear, but I just wanted to let you know the videos for the make over videos none of them were working and none came on. also the videos in the signage are really morbid with that music, I am sure poor unfortunate impaired like myself and totally born BLEEP people don't want the world feeling that depressing music every time they think or see a BLEEP person they will just remember that morbid terrible music, a voice over saying the words as they BLEEP is doing them would be a lot better from my point of view. like most of the video recordings use good voice over people rather then that morbid music. the music does have emotional impact that is a bit negative because it is a sad flat tone music from Beethoven ear of something like that. just something to keep in mind.

dear bugbear, but I just wanted to let you know the videos for the make over videos none of them we...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I don't want the money go choke on it your a fraud anyway. but don't give my BLEEPs to someone because they don't deserve it and someone will be investigating this because you have been playing games on me

I don't want the money go choke on it your a fraud anyway. but don't give my BLEEPs to someone becau...

Abuse, Hate