I am depressed :-(

I am so relieved today, my bowls have been like bad lately on and off cuz of this detox thing I am on. and I watch a lot of dr eric berg and barbara o'neil at a health retreat cuz I want to go through a complete detox process for weight issues and my heart and my has thyroid issues and diabetites and blood preasure and cholestrol issues and takes medications and I have to be aware of it. I went off the hormone replacement therapy because I could not hack it, it did help ease period pain and I think might have lost a bit of weight on it but l was sick every other day with it. the only benefit I can see with it is sure the period pain for the first 24-48 hours was not as intense. but your near vomitting every day anyway. I have server back pain anyway and learnt to live with pain, but the heart palpitations are the worst feeling or feeling struggle to breathe. etc. since I had this vaginal byopsy I feel even more afraid to even consider sex. for the last 4 years I just can't even handle insertion feeling don't use tampons ever and there is a lot of issues for me, my spine and this occasional gritty feeling and chunch sound in my neck is unpleasant and worries me a lot. I go through fear of cancers since 2 ladies I knew had back cancer and died I was upset when they died and cried a lot and then I had always been scared of issuues of bone cancer since the car accident when i was 19 and all these middle ear infections and heart issues on and off. people wonder why you become so paranoid, fear, anxeity and panic disorder is a very debilitating thing. some days are a struggle to believe I will be ok in 5 or 10 years and I want to live a long life and I have always been health conscious and only ever drank small or occasional night out binge alcohol for a short while anyway. its not something my body could cope with even when I was young so I just didn't do it a lot. but yeh I have been told I am a hypochondriac and technically that is true...a person who is abnormally anxious about their health but with good reason to be that way after what I went through.

I am so relieved today, my bowls have been like bad lately on and off cuz of this detox thing I am o...

sometimes I want to tell the police a lot more that at the time I can't thing of. I don't know if it would help to talk to a woman police officer about certain issues cuz some of them are not as caring as the males. I am trying not to get too upset about things with halloween or stalking and this hacker. I just really want a normal love life and don't understand why things a messed up. I am glad I do have a few police officers that do care enough about me. I just don't break down and cry in front of them about everything that terrorifies me and I didn't even when I reported the date rape. its just like "well its all matter of a fact" but when I am alone I am upset. its like when I was sick the ambulance got a lady to come around and calm me who was a nurse and the dept manager contacted the hospital and my gp find out what they could do for me if 3 letters couldn't admit me but right now my sodium and potasium levels are ok its more heart palpitations with these other generic tablets. but I don't want any terrorist threats at me I mean I could talk myself blue in the face to the police about the fear of bunnyp and churches with witches or things upsetting me. but I have no conclusive proof, with cyber crime and forensic hacking you would think they could investigate who is stalking me on pages?

sometimes I want to tell the police a lot more that at the time I can't thing of. I don't know if it...

I am a person who will make out everything is fine and what angers me is people who do threatening things and verbal threats at me and stalking and gangs, then its like how could all these colleges get together to be abusive ? but I told police and govt about them all ages ago. I just don't want any abuse from neighbors this year at halloween. I can't live in fear all the time about people on the roof, kids wanting nude photos of me (I am fat old and boring! anyway and I just don't do nude photos and that is it!). I think my neighbours see me and us as a family as easy targets and they think its funny to upset us or hurt us emotionally not thinking about how much it effects my health mentally or physically. I can't take one more heart break. not even with things like my cat being sick. I just have to pray he will be ok over night til I get to the vet tomorrow. does my pride show when I cover up things face to face?

I am a person who will make out everything is fine and what angers me is people who do threatening t...