🔥 i4giveu

Confessions about 'Pride'

Page 32 of 73

I was nieve and stupid trusting the people I did, I was dumb for trusting joyce and ken and rick and that poxy film group, I was stupid for trusting the choirs and churches. I was dumb for trusting samatha who used me and put me with wrong men who were too old for me and we had nothing in common. ken and I had nothing in common in personality and that is the same with russell and wayne we had absolutely nothing in common at all. my sisters friends - allan and peter and I had nothing in common. no one treated me like a friend who was worthy of being important or being a pretty bride, I should never have trusted leigh morris, she was not caring about my needs and should never have been allowed to do that. if I had of known ken was not going to drive I would not have got in the car, I have noticed in the past I have done things to keep the peace at all costs, and I didn't pick up on what people were engineering for me that was not what I wanted. what would make someone thing that just because a girl says oh that person seems an ok sort of person does not mean you want sex with them no questions asked, just looking at someone is not enough for me, no person has ever lived up to what they say or what I expect of them. its made me question if my values and expectations are at a much higher level then others and I am more self aware and I am more reserved and not flirty and I dont put myself out there a lot anyway. I am not really in the mood for sex and love most of the time, I feel my skills are going to waste. I want a job and husband and ken and rick and russell were never ment to be in my personal place and world, they were other peoples friends and not ment to be my freind. just like most of the jobs. i never got one job I really wanted but I had jobs I learnt to do on the job and most were not to the standards I expected and not to the wages and care I expected, like I was in a specialist office and I was really impressed with how well this asian speicalist was treating his office staff. I have never been valued anywhere. people awlays soon forget me and regret employing me . no one ever asks me out enough. no one has ever given me what I need.

I was nieve and stupid trusting the people I did, I was dumb for trusting joyce and ken and rick and...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

ken made it clear to me that because I was so ugly that I should be grateful for him bothering to rape me up because no other guy had, but a few other freaks like my uncles had sexually assaulted me and a friend of my sisters has been sexually bullying to me and I just wish I had of been smarter about things like what I know now, but no one would help properly. and I am sure joyce poorter wanted me raped and thrown on the scrap heap. she had it in my sister and father as well and she does not even know them. and the woman had a mental disorder my doctor said so. she is crazy and he is glad I reported her.

ken made it clear to me that because I was so ugly that I should be grateful for him bothering to ra...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

anyone who is seek doing that "shhh" thing they are satanic occult people and they are socially engineering helping scum over the good people, and they just sicken me, as soon as I see it now I am sicked by them. I just don't trust anyone who pulls these stunts of "shh" don't trust them, they are into satanic occult and they are only out to harm you and pretend to be a friend but they are not your friend at all.

anyone who is seek doing that "shhh" thing they are satanic occult people and they are socially engi...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

both my sister and i were bullied as children in school, I had teachers calling me stupid and spastic and threatening to bash us for the most minor things like if we didn't know maths tables we were told we would get the kane, and other teachers making fun of me for many things like missing school when I was ill or being molested or after a friend of the family suicided or just anything there was about 3 different years like year 2 and year 5 and year 9 I was being lied about other kids making up lies about me, and I was bashed for it by them, if I stood up for myself you would be bullied. teachers throwing things at me and enciting the class to belittle me over missing school when I was being molested and an uncle tried to rape me, or when I collapsed on the oval and they just don't care. when I was at university I was bashed walking to the bus and that really effected me badly. because I was being stalked and sexually assaulted by another uncle and no one is there to support me and my needs, my rights, my health and no boyfriend to help me and its something that is so painful never being allowed to have a boyfriend and to be loved is just bullying and discrimination. how can I meet the right men if I am excluded from the workforce and places and all I get to meet is deadbeat losers. that is still discrimination and bullying and social programming and social engineering and a lot of people are unaware of it that a lot of people are being pushed into roles or push with men that are completely unsuitable to them. I know its been happening to me since I was a child or teen, and young adult, stopped from having pride in work and body health and acheivements and stopped from having normal loving sexual relationships and I know I have been socially engineered by bullies like joyce, russos, the dutch lot who are just mercyless evil people. and they have stopped me from feeling safe and being allowed love and relationships and they only help other dutch or these nazi germanic superiority groups who used to bully us as kids- and by god did these nazi bastards know how to bully and fuck. I am not joking these lot knew how to fuck the lights out of any man, and people don't realise the bullying these germans do for all the sex they get from rich and famous people and hotties, and there is an occult like structure to it all. they get fucks for their women with hot guys everywhere and jobs with not much education. and I am sick of these people pushing me with UGLIES and IDIOTS and DEADBEATS.

both my sister and i were bullied as children in school, I had teachers calling me stupid and spasti...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

my parents even rang them at russos and said why are you bullying my daughter? she always turns up for job interviews but for a few when I was sick or the day I literally got lost walking in a new place to get to a job interview and I literally had a panic attack in this bush area and was afraid of being attacked. and they were even ignoring doctors letters, like hopsitals - I had 3 gp's letters trying to admit me into normal hospital when I had a mastoid infection and they said they would only put me in a psychiatritic section and I would have to be a compulsary patient which does not make sense and there has been a huge investigation into certain psychiatric hospitals, one doctor who interviewed me didn't even sound like a genuine doctor it (and I am sorry if that offend anyone) but it didn't look like a woman or a man, was so rude to me calling me simple and I was not passing law at university because I lacked the IQ to pass rather then all the childhood bullying and sexual abuse and all the bullying at russos and colleges and being bashed and abused by woman over men. and being raped, how can this foreign doctor say that when everybody on this planet knows that bullying does impare learning over time it can make anyones work performance or academic performance fail and suffer. no husband, always being bashed over guys, then being raped, having abusive therapists who don't know what the god dam hell they are doing. joyce said to me "no man would ever love me til I got down literaly on my hands and knees and barked like a dog" and I was acting it out she was saying I had welfare mentality getting austudy and I should be a prosititute and when Iwas working in a place where a prostitute had been murdered all she could say was I had to have sex out of anger to overcome my abuse issues as a child, every therapist I have spoken to has said that is evil talk. russos started bullying me calling me lazy and yet later said I was one of their more honest job seekers, and they kept sending me for jobs like truck driver (I don't have a licence) and hardware assistant when there were over 6 men in the room that could have done that job better then most women. they were treating me as if I had no academic ability and no skills to work, they had on woman bully me to the point I told them off and my doctor said what they were doing was bullying me not letting me exercise or stick to my diet and not allowing me personal time, I had to show over 25 jobs I applied for each week. my father used to literally have scrap books he kept all of them in and there are certain people in australia being bullied from work or having work or education and personal life or love life, only the workers are allowed sex. and if you have a more obvious disability or black you are more likely to get work then a single white women with a unseen disability. I was just bullied by other disability people, in churches, choirs, party plan nutrimetics - where this crazy sally woman drink drives and runs red lights and verbally abuses none stop and my doctor literally told me to tell her "if manish women like you on the pill for the last 30 years didn't keep getting married all the time - 3 husband and 3 kids to as many men, then maybe there would be opportunities for women like me", and sally has no ability to see the harm she did to me, she made me ill and she has no right bullying people in the nutrimetics, she is making the company look bad with her drinking and their alcoholic culture and bullying new people. sally is so manlike and nasty there is just nothing nice to say about her. she is a woman that has been on the pill for 30 years and having babies selfishly always getting married as the hotty bride when she is not a nice personal at all. she does not care, she makes out its about the people but its not. its about selling. sally caused me to have heart pain and ear infection speeding in her car with the windows down. you don't need to bully people to that point. this day after day and night after night of why haven't you got customers and parties booked, yet I had a fashion show booked and I can't help it if people won't buy from me, its because its me that they won't buy, its like my dad was black listed from work after some famous footballers spiked his drinks in the office and he was found unconscious on the floor this country works by who is the biggest bully and doctors and bosses and the navy has a rape culture that all women have experienced this rape culture if you be honest with yourself as a women you have been bullied and raped by them. its just a fact. it goes in universities, hospitals and everywhere, its getting worse infact, some are even killing people. driving people insane to either be bullies, because sooner or later if you have been bullied enough you will bully back to gain your ground, you will be forced to by the other bullies to maintain that bullying culture. and its the same with these job networks they are bullying people to the point of suicide and murder and pushing drugs to get work and its just morally so wrong. that is not what god intended for us. the churches are bullying blacks and women and men. its done in a very covert way but its going on.

my parents even rang them at russos and said why are you bullying my daughter? she always turns up f...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

there were a few of these fat mean ass bullies at russos as well, everytime they look at me with daggers from day 1 of going there and daf was just like that fat old nasty gruff one who was abusive towards me. I should have reported them. people with disabilities don't need to feel that unsafe around bullies.

there were a few of these fat mean ass bullies at russos as well, everytime they look at me with dag...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I colleges and businesses or even just people who ignore me, if I have questions or want help then it should be there, they didn't deliver what they promised but that is wa and past tense now. I hate old english men who like telling others what to do but don't like taking advice or whatever from others. like I rarely have been in a role of being able to tell people what to do, but I don't have to just their crap as a customer you expect better quality.

I colleges and businesses or even just people who ignore me, if I have questions or want help then i...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I got myself into trouble over writing to the UN about a new form of parenting with children with disorders, and I don't care - it shit me off. I don't think any child deserves to be forced to live in a garage or be denied love or food or have earn playtime. I was pissed off.

I got myself into trouble over writing to the UN about a new form of parenting with children with di...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I think god is a bitch, even if he is a man he is still a bitcH! and I often think before long cnt I am gonna have a serious talk to you god and tell you to clean up your act when it comes to me, and a "listen here buster..." talk to god because he is a super mongrel bitch!

I think god is a bitch, even if he is a man he is still a bitcH! and I often think before long cnt I...

Pride, Hate

I no know that my father must have an amazing degree of self control giving the shit he has gone through, but I have days I am in terror that I lose the plot like friday and told the college to go die and rang the therapist a few times and screaming to them that "someone is trying to kill me and drive me mad I can't take it anymore" and she was like making me stop and breath and then the police came to see me this morning and they don't even frighten me anymore. the young big guys are still the more caring and cuter too.

I no know that my father must have an amazing degree of self control giving the shit he has gone thr...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

yeh friday was such a sht day right, I was screaming at the cat and everyone my father near had a heart attack at my scream high pitched "shut up" or "die die die" or "fuck off fuck off FUck off" and I get so agro around my period, if you think its hard for you how much harder do you think it is for me living in this pain? my cancer specialist said that the vaginal skin can take up to a year to heal its been hell but not near as hell as my ear and head, and over exposure to xrays on my brain. most days I just worry about getting through the day if I will live it out to be honest, and avoid issues with my brain or heart because it terrifies me to the point I drove doctors mad, I know that. no amount of tests would make me believe nothing was wrong ever since my friend died it impacted me so deeply for some reason I can't explain. she was a middle aged woman with kids and young husband I sometimes wish she had not have put it all on me, its like the suicide stuff and cancer and then just become obessed to want to avoid it, you avoid life to avoid death, and that sounds stupid. I know I have a slight form of pyschosis, but I won't tell my psychiatrist that >LOL, he can work it out for himself he has more knowledge on the brain and body then me. so I just get into volitile and irritable moods and server depression moments and I put on a fake jolly act as well for my parents, and I learnt to bounce around hospital beds during heart problems to get the dam hell out of their and then I would want to go back. sometimes I just want to feel safe and loved. all I get is fucking women hugging me and its annoying. I want a mans attentions and affections. like it just upsets me that people can't see that I have feelings. when I was not sleeping for about 5 weeks straight I just knew I needed that doctors help. we all have breaking points and I was so scared I was going to die and even he said that to me afterwards. I just want to move on and find the love I have missed out on. the longer I wait the more volitile I become. the screaming and fear of will I die, will I make it through the day, avoid this symptom or that. cope for everyone or you will look a coward and weak and as a woman is any woman allowed to be those things unless your pretty? no !

yeh friday was such a sht day right, I was screaming at the cat and everyone my father near had a he...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I felt really deprived today with out my 3x 750ml of water before lunch just to go to the eye specialist. who would have thought I would have ended up a complete sot laying in bed drinking down bottles of water all day studying cramming that much study in like a freak? It started with kidney ultrasounds and bloodtests having to drink a lot of water and I have to drink double to everyone else to thin my blood down to get any thing out in a blood test, I just freak out all the time and cry if my viens collapses often and if I get blood takers who are not confident it annoys me, I need ones who are really confident and then I don't feel it as bad. I have to say I do sometimes feel better afterwards with blood tests but I can't cope with just getting out 2 lots so I have wanted to give blood its so important to give blood to the blood bank but I worry about things with my blood. when I had the ear infections it was awful I couldn't drink water and would have to drop supply down and suffer it out and it was painful on my kidneys and I thought I was going to die several times. dying is not an easy thing to do. its scary I hope I die in my sleep when I am old and die quick not slow, the fear drives you nuts. I can't handle the whole thing we just avoid it, I have said I do worry I could die before my mum and worry for my cats to be looked after, but I am a water freak, I can down 7 or more of 750ml water plus tea and other things. I go to the toilet for something to do. but I have been trying to pee out a kidney stone and its shit awful. you have drink lots of lemon or lime. I need ambulance people who know the f what they are doing especially with my chest and heart pain and I am not making things up . I don't understand why it seems to get better when I am around hospital or doctors or heart monitors and then as soon as its gone I am freaking out, I can't stand heart racing and pain or slow heart rate its painful.

I felt really deprived today with out my 3x 750ml of water before lunch just to go to the eye specia...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

just got back from the ophthalmologist and it was so scary. I just felt so hurt and angry and that look I guess of I have suffer out everything in life alone, not like other people who are born special. for someone who had such rich godparents they could have asked me out and introduced me to some proper flaming men around the place. like I am so sick of study in a way but I enjoy the things I am doing now. I but it wish everything was easier, I had a lot of eye pain today after the drops and blurred for ages and just really impressed with the physio how he is just so good to his employees. wow, wish I had a boss like that. but my eyes are super sore and I just want to sleep, I have my period and I am so tired and yet need to lose weight and I think I have vit b12 deficiency I was getting the shakes and dizzy last night. my sister and grandfather had that b12 problem and I have wondered. i have high cholesterol which is a worry. I am so depressed since surgery just feel like I have no hope in finding a husband or real love, why did we believe all the lies about education? I should have 3 masters degrees but none of things matter to me as much as real love and valuing what I am doing, being valued for doing something rather then nothing. I am not good at initiating relationships or intimacy and sex. that has been my problem all this time my shyness. I was excessively shy and shame based abused so I just shut down. look at everything I have missed out on. like the work, to work in an nice air conditioned office would be nice. to own a house and car and not have all these medical and money worries. other people are allowed work and a dream so why can't I have it too? I am getting sick of this whole deal.

just got back from the ophthalmologist and it was so scary. I just felt so hurt and angry and that l...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

excuse me sarina russo but you could learn a lot from anthony robbins, an abudance mindset is not about making people your intimidated and jealous of because they are younger then you fat!, thanks for making me fat and unhealthy you will pay for that. you cost me relationships, empoyment and a husband and positive self image. your crack team said I did not need to be on any special diet or weight loss or exercise but all my doctors say I do! your company caused my illnesses. you should be sued. you should be forced to fix all this. you have gone too far and need to be taught a lesson and stop ruining other womens lives you old dirty slut.

excuse me sarina russo but you could learn a lot from anthony robbins, an abudance mindset is not ab...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

love to me is being able to wear the wedding dress of your dreams in a church and a lovely wedding day and diamonds and foods and being treated like your worth being invited to parties and events by others and being appreciated, helping do community things and getting rewards for it and having friends put on a suprise birthday party for me, love to me is being given choices and feelings of "you are good enough", love to me is getting the high income pay cheque in some corporate office or academic profession , or why is it all the psychology i did, all the university all the law , all the health study all the things I have done - nothing is ever good enough. I have no skills, I have nothing any man would want but fat old losers? why? why is everyone else allowed a men of their choice and baby and wedding but me? and I this always being forced out with losers like russell or parker or gossing or ken who were dead boring depressing morbid losers I couldn't stand. why cant I bash a women for a man like katey did. why can't i be like joyce with a police husband who looks cute and treat young women like shit likee she did to me? why cant I have a corporate job or own investments that would make your ass fall off? like other people are allowed to. why am I the one that always has to be reasonable and sensible and everyone else is allowe to be stupid, violent and rude and nasty but me, why do I have to have more self control than anyone and everyone else I know or around me??????? NO ONE HAS THE SELF CONTROL I HAVE AND I AM SICK OF IT. I WANT TO BASH WOMEN. I WANT TO BASH CERTAIN MEN. I DON'T TRUST A LOT OF PEOPLE ANYMORE. WE NEED TO WIN A LOTTERY TO GO ON THIS CRUISE CUZ WITH WORK I CAN'T DO IT, I CAN'T SAVE WITHOUT WORK. I SHOULD HAVE EMPLOYMENT AND I AM A BETTER PERSON THAT SARINA RUSSO OR MOST WOMEN ACTUALLY.

love to me is being able to wear the wedding dress of your dreams in a church and a lovely wedding d...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I can not bare the sight of smug smerk shh princess kate she is just so arrogant and flippant and rude and abusive towards me and all she has ever done is bully me with all the royals. that is all they know how to do is bully and abuse. they can't help people, they don't ask you what you even want to know anyway, like all men if they are happy they think the woman should be and most women arent happy and if you interviewed most women whose men think they are happy they would say no, he is and he thinks I am but I am not happy, because happiness is different things to differnet people. like love to me going out all the time for dinner and parties and nightclubs and concerts and exercising and buying houses and holidaying and working and being valued and liked. where as love to you is sitting on a lounge chair together crying - sorry but not my scene. love to me is being given diamonds and flowers and driving around in a expensive luxuary car and plush housing with everything I need. love is about looking good and feeling good, love is not fat and old and sad and depressed the way you and ken and everyone has made me. I was only ever feeling joy and love when I was thin and in the city working or studying and busy meeting a lot of people and getting money for it.

I can not bare the sight of smug smerk shh princess kate she is just so arrogant and flippant and ru...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I don't know what man to like because everywhere I go I get attacked or hounded and bullied by other women or other men to the point I was considering becoming a leso but its not really my scene I like men too much. I just want to get married and would marry most men but most of the men my age now remind me of the old pedophile who molested me so I feel sickened and turned off and because of weight gain I am not interested in sex much. sex is something I am only interested in when thin and I have money because I know men only really want rich thin women. the whole has been set up for me to fail. thanks ugly world for bullying me away from every men I really loved, wrecking every career dream and marriage with a baby or two dream. you wonder why I hate kate middleton and other slutty dogs like her. they don't even deserve their kids and marriages and careers that have come too easy. I just look at a female friend because most men I meet are crap. thanks joyce poorter for not listening and deliberately hurting me like this. just thanks for the abuse - why didnt you go abuse the therapist who harmed you and not take it out on a woman who needed a young man when I was young. now its all too late. I will probably die young now. I have no hope left in me to find love or employment. I always get told i have no skills how ugly i have always been. I was a ugly hated child. i was never allowed to feel like a pretty bride or mother with my own baby. you will pay for that one day all the haters are gonna pay for this! or someone will make your kids pay and their kids for abusing me.

I don't know what man to like because everywhere I go I get attacked or hounded and bullied by other...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

dear bugbear, but I just wanted to let you know the videos for the make over videos none of them were working and none came on. also the videos in the signage are really morbid with that music, I am sure poor unfortunate impaired like myself and totally born BLEEP people don't want the world feeling that depressing music every time they think or see a BLEEP person they will just remember that morbid terrible music, a voice over saying the words as they BLEEP is doing them would be a lot better from my point of view. like most of the video recordings use good voice over people rather then that morbid music. the music does have emotional impact that is a bit negative because it is a sad flat tone music from Beethoven ear of something like that. just something to keep in mind.

dear bugbear, but I just wanted to let you know the videos for the make over videos none of them we...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

a word about mean old english teachers you got what you asked for- you lied and made out I was harassing your poor wimpy staff by asking questions and explaining my illness problems affecting my study, YOU DON'T LIVE IN THE REAL HARD HARSH COLD LONELY BULLYING WORLD I HAVE LIVED IN. and don't go around tattle-tale like a child I need more help and I am not getting it. you don't even know half of the terrorism abuse I have been through so don't go acting childish and tattle-taling, be a man for once in your life! its dirty money I wouldn't want it back from some as meanly as you you fraud. I knew you were trouble from the time I heard your voice on those videos and how evil and mean you sound an yet you expect the world to be charmed by your annoying child in the background of the videos, and people without children like me, we find you annoying skitey and offensive show-offs of your offspring and power in a foreign country, power that we don't have !

a word about mean old english teachers you got what you asked for- you lied and made out I was haras...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

had a shitty day yesterday fighting with a college again and gone on a fasting on foods and woke up with the shakes and cobweb feelings over my hands and fuzzy heart feeling til I drank heaps of water and watermelon and plum juice with the anti cancer tonic because I didn't eat much meat or food at all same with today til about 4.30pm minus a heap of iron and vitiamins. I just tell people go fuck off now all the time. I become a murdering violent person during pms, I'd cut ya throat and not care.

had a shitty day yesterday fighting with a college again and gone on a fasting on foods and woke up ...

Pride, Hate