Confessions about 'Pride'

Page 33 of 73

I have rarely ever said much about the nazi families I knew as a child and the one who suicided and murdered children in russia - I knew that from the age of 5 or 6 he committed war crimes and gassed himself to death and its not my fault, just like its not my fault over the kid being hung at school other kids who were there did something to him. I am not taking the blame for all the footballers and politicians I didn't destroy their careers, they did themselves frauding with BHPLEEP and Amital and more that would shock and their ellectrol voting and chorcas voting frauds and the brothels they went to. I am not taking the blame for my neighbors having sex with a man my age, I can't help it if they were jealous and I told him I liked him he made his choice just like that stalking freak druggie at lota and I didn't want to know him. I told him to go out with girls as friends and do the right things by girls. I don't have time to disipline someone else's child. when I want children of my own and a better life and its not my responsibility to solve every whores sex life anyway living myself to poverty and maryta-dom status is no fun when I have always wanted a better life for myself. I am not responsible for the inquest that was supposed to take place with the pedos death and I am not a pedo myself. and I need female friends I can trust and to be around men who are good quality, I am not a lesbian and I need a better life. if I had money I wouldn't be here in qld that is for sure because I hate the place.

I have rarely ever said much about the nazi families I knew as a child and the one who suicided and ...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I can't believe how out of date everything I have is, I want to look like young women around my age or younger who are working in more stylier designs and clothing. if I am going to do this fashion diploma I sure need to feel and look the part. sorry but I do have some pride.

I can't believe how out of date everything I have is, I want to look like young women around my age ...

Pride

one therapist who is a doctor told me to see joyce and ken and the people in the churches or other places as pathetic children and pity them. even cousins relatives and rsl and schools or rick and katy or royal people who abused me - see them as pathetic children and see it as bully-pity! because just because they jobs or marriages or like sarina russo they should bully-pitied and it doesn't mean they are happy or good people if they feel the need to bully disability single women who are vulnerable.

one therapist who is a doctor told me to see joyce and ken and the people in the churches or other p...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

I have been trying to eat healty and less, as I have gone off too much pork and last few days I have been making Indian curry salad dishes for lunch but I really like Moroccan dishes as well, I just wish the curry tuna would not come in oil as I don't really like the idea of the oils, but the salads were nice the other one was a curry beans with lettuce and cabbage and cider vinegar and greek yogurt and that was so nice. I love putting a bit of caynne paper on my potatos and sweet potato it goes well, I am just so sick of being fat. I think I over did the water yesterday as I had about 4 or 5 x 750ml and felt so boated this morning. I sometimes mix cider vinegar and lime juice in it or a raspberry ketones which does stop hunger pains. what annoys me is the cost of quality fresh vegetables and fruits now. I just had kale and carrot and onion for dinner and lunch was just a slice of raisin toast and cup of tea. we had to go out and I wanted to put some things on order and I am so excited because I bought some new chocolate and cake trays - one is a cute one for children and the other is almost like round and others are flowers. then I try to think up low-fat alternative cake mixes with other meals then flour. I have strawberry and shoe and fairy , diamonds and panda bear shape chocolate molds I have not even used yet, I wanted to make a salmon dish but then seen all the fat in it and thought maybe just have the salmon without all the hassles and less fat. we got a capcino maker we opened at xmas for everyone to use, and I got out my foot massager on new years and I had that for over 6 months and I have not even used my mix master yet its been in the box for over 14 months. I want to use it but the kitchen is so small. I really want to put in a rustic french country peasant look kitchen with a few contemporary decor and I guess money is just holding me back I wish I had a part time job. I send out resumes and only occasionally hear back which feels painful when I want to work. I want to complete my degree as well. but when we do things - creative or therapy crafts or other things - we allow our sub conscious to go to work and help solve our problems at a different level so I am quietly living in hope the local group and counsel will consider my idea. I did a garden design course and would like to be involved in a project of some kind. I feel good when I get out and do things, keep physically moving. I hate the heat but I figure the sweat lets out toxins but I can't wait for winter.

I have been trying to eat healty and less, as I have gone off too much pork and last few days I hav...

Pride

I told my doctor about rick kicking in the tailbone one night. this american was a dickhead. he kept calling me a leso just for being a virgin and then got katy to bash me in the spine and she tried to run me over. then he wanted me to go to their house for sex when they moved in together and I said no, he really enjoyed using high volt sexual flirting with me out of this world better then casanova himself. that silk business shirt smug speed driver when he got me in the situation of liking him this is enjoyed dishing out the rejection and I can remember crying when after I told him I liked him and all he could say was "why didn't you tell me earlier" and "go and get fat!" after I had worked so hard to lose weight and I had told him many times and all he could say was "don't you think I know she is a problem" when I said to him "you have a real problem with how katy attacks every woman around you to dominate and control you to the point she is not only in your bed, she follows you to work like a puppy with no brains of her own" that was when I actually lost respect for him and her and all of them. to physically assault a woman who already has disability and a victim of crime like sexual trauma from childhood and bashings when I was going to university, and the back pain from a car accident, that mongrel cunt had the hide to kick me in the tailbone and she bashed me in the spine between my shoulders. I lost respect for bec the fat controller who seen katy attack me and was prepared to be a liar for her. bec should have known I was the more honest genuine person but she was such a fat bitch with her boat licence (she was a female kencarey) she even rubbed herself against me as did katy- they sexually assaulted me a in a public place.

I told my doctor about rick kicking in the tailbone one night. this american was a dickhead. he kept...

Pride, Abuse

doodlin down

Pride

pet peeves people who use phrases like "tell it to the hand cus the face don't want to listen" or "IMAO" in my arrogant opinion, these people have nothing to be arrogant about but should be grateful and humble and it is really insulting to be in the company of assholes who talk down at you but can't see that they do things that they critize you for, like defaming companies for minor traces of caffeine etc and yet don't make a issue over too much nuts or whatever and how they can cause illness and contradict themselves in other videos saying the opposite which I have noticed some health people do which is really confusing or thinking they are cool with stupid dialogue and utudy celebs who film every aspect of their lives talking too fast and raving on about mindless stuff that was once interesting on their videos that just lack substance. people who are constantly fiddling with their mobile while out with you are truely annoying and how rude at a meeting or medical appointment unless urgent to take a personal call ? and eat at a five star fine dining restaurant near the chef only to stare at a mobile all day during the menu. I must admit I have been working in industrial kitchens a few times and last time I was so ill and had to fake my interest in the chocolate the whole time it made me want to vomit and I had to fake my liking of it to be socially acceptable, then like I meet gay chefs from france who work in big hotels talking vulgar comments about piping meringue techniques while I am trying to prepare 100 or more parlor high tea sweets, so I did down the champagne in this huge kitchen after putting up with him. guys who talk to you as if you are their past partners and your just "no, I want out of this crap", and then there are these "hate talk" people like my sister and others who are just filled with hate talk that my doctor says he wanted to protect from because its so un-needed. sometimes the people who are labeled crazy for saying they are being violated or abused are not crazy and actually are being abused and not just attention seeking. wow what a new concept!

pet peeves people who use phrases like "tell it to the hand cus the face don't want to listen" or "I...

Pride

its weird that I really feel I have had to learn to hate myself as I did as a child all over again to find peace in myself but I am still sexually and romantically unfullfilled and I know I have a lot of love to give a man and long for marriage which is now becoming nothing but an embarrasement and deep hurt now, that in some way I failed to be worthy and captivating enough to engage a mans love or attentions in all the normal ways a woman should expect to, like my sister had her lovely perfect wedding day young, so did my cousin louise who I used to look up to because she was so clever and I was the dumb one I guess, brigette had her lovely wedding day young as did karen my brothers wife and other family members and I am thinking "what the fuck hell was so fucking wrong about me?" why wasn't I good enough at 21? or 24 or 30? why did I have to be this expection and be date raped something I never pictured in the story of myself. it was something I always dreaded and feared being raped because as a child when I was being molested I didn't have that vocabulary at 5 to say "this old man is molesting me or he is a pedophile" I didn't know the words, I just had seen rape scenes on tv shows and soaps and movies and the girl or woman feeling wounded and that was my only way to describe what this old man was doing to me, it felt dirty and wrong, it felt strange and made me want to faint, and yet sexual orgasm was interesting but it all became a hell for me as a 4 or 5 year old I would describe him abusing me often as raping me cuz that was all I knew in words it felt shameful and guilty and shocking and gross. i think that people don't understand that I was sexually assaulted as a child by many people not just 1 person. there were other people, older kids female and male, other old men and being attacked in the throat was painful and that was all because I was copying this abusive man who was doing this to me copying his swearing he was always calling me :a little cunt, and I think it is disgraceful of any man to speak like that to a child a little girl of 4 or 5 is just so upsetting. the dirty things he said to me and the shit he was putting in my head. it was not right and nothing that I have been through has ever been handled right which only makes the problems all the more worse and upsetting. the house fire the alcoholism the killing of live stock and burning off bodies makes me sick. that is shame.

its weird that I really feel I have had to learn to hate myself as I did as a child all over again t...

Pride

most days all I have for breakfast is either oat bran flakes and raspberries or I have oats and berries or a chai seed and cacao oats and some shredded coconut or just oats and grated apple without any sugar or egg on toast or vegimite on toast or jam on toast and a cup of tea and I will usually try to drink at least 2x750ml bottles of plain water after eating and maybe 1 cup of small teaspoon of coffee and then just keep filling up on water all day and lunch sometimes I have tuna or tin salmon and yogurt cucumber lemon sandwich or some horseradish with cucumbers or fish with just 1 slice of bran or grain bread, or a salad with tuna or cous-cous basil and cherry tomatoes, or baked beans on toast with chili flakes, or sardines on toast. the other night we had mushrooms in butter and I don't eat a lot of butter I like a little or cottage cheese or tasty cheese and crackers and cucumbers in dill, or we will have things like a apple and mint smoothie, or watermelon and mint drinks. I drink a lot of water in the afternoon and maybe a few cups of tea and have maybe a small biscut or black strap molases and saos or my lastest thing is cottage cheese with cayenne pepper on saos to get my blood thinner and it eases headaches and circulates blood better. I love occasionally to a vegimite on sao and then put the tasty cheese thin slices on top and a few splashes of worstershire sauce and garlic or himilayan salt and put in the microwave for about 40seconds it comes out nice and gooey and crisp. or we do a ginger carrot juice or a cellery and cucumber juice with lime and dandelion root and cellery seed tonic. dinner is just usually a mediterainian huge vegi mix of eggplant, zuccini and carrot and baby onions and garlic cloves, sweet potato and capsicum maybe red kale and asparagus or brocoli etc, and chicken breast without skin or a lamb chop and baked apples or chicken paramajana and olives, or we do the vegigetti and chickpea and mince and onions and tomatos, or fish like flat head or snapper etc, and steamed vegitables. we don't eat a lot of desserts but I got some cheap lammingtons the other day for my dad. I like an earl grey tea at night or a camamile and honey tea or french tea. or I just throw a jasmin or vanilla green tea bag or a strawberry herb tea bag in my water bottle to infuse the flavors for the day.

most days all I have for breakfast is either oat bran flakes and raspberries or I have oats and berr...

Pride

i don't have the money to join dating websites, I don't even know how couples meet anymore, it doesn't appear to be at university or college, or parties or events or shops or bus stops or church. I have no idea where the real men are anymore. I only rarely meet quality men thanks to russo and joyce. Its not like I can ask my local pharmacist or complete stranger on a date and I don't visit night clubs a lot its not my scene unless with friends or people I can trust. so I am thinking a cruise might be where I will find some nice passenger or while I am out from flight and taking a stay with my parents in russia or finland or somewhere I might find mr perfect. I so want to see the russian areas. I wish I had to work to do it so I had an excuse and a paid trip too, I am never going to find a real man here that is for sure this is the most awfulest place in the world and the men are a disgrace. I'll have to just hope I do find someone overseas with the right looks and right personality rather then all the idiots that are around. and by god are there too many idiots around now. men are more stupid then ever. for people who are supposed to be clever and strong and the protectors and romancers this lot around here and all the ones I have met are pathetic!

i don't have the money to join dating websites, I don't even know how couples meet anymore, it doesn...

Pride

the thing I am most proud of myself for last year was passing diplomatic and global health diplomacy units and an ancient history unit. I really enjoyed the diplomacy process very much and loved those units a great deal but then they are at university and when I did political ideologies and economic sociology units at my city university I did very well in those and public and professional ethics. doing counselling specialising areas helped me a lot as well as going over old justice notes as well. and conidering 4 new childrens books story ideas but i am so slow with all that right now. I need to really take it easy over a break but I study over xmas and new year and I would work over it. there should be not many public holidays so more health services are open anyway in my opinion.

the thing I am most proud of myself for last year was passing diplomatic and global health diplomacy...

Pride

actually I tell a lie or two because I don't want to look like I am a skite I have done a occupational therapy units and social care and several physiotherapy and sports injury and rehab courses, sports nutrition and sports instructor and accountancy and design as well - I believe in the over learn concept and also removal of ambiguity and clutter in education. the less clutter and ambigutity the more focus and clarity you have and I have passed a number of units in my course on psychology and counselling and forensic and policing study and antropology and I am often studying from 5am in the morning and 11.30pm at night - well what else can I do when I don't have a husband or baby to pamper and fuss over?

actually I tell a lie or two because I don't want to look like I am a skite I have done a occupatio...

Pride

i am already doing a nursing course and have been and will be continuing it since I finished the dental one, but I am more interested in pharmacy hospital or maybe I could cope with surgery nursing or after surgery or pediatricts or pathology or xray and aged people but not death. I can't deal with that. i am more interested in medications really since I did the nursing maths and pharmacy tech part and my psychiatrist wants me to do nursing but I dont think I am clever enough to do it and I can't afford a good course where I would like to do it. like I know I have to be careful with these morphine type medications because they affect the serotonin you can't take them long term. but the pain was so bad. that is the hard part I so wish to go back working in pharmacy an learning compounding etc but i worry about standing for long times. my back surgeon goes back to work tomorrow so hopefully yasmin or katey will call me from his office. this is serious pain.

i am already doing a nursing course and have been and will be continuing it since I finished the den...

Pride

so why I was attacked at a party around xmas new year in 1978 or79 and they lifted up the car and nearly tiped the car over with us kids in it and I was so afraid I vomited over myself and I already had anger in me over the house burning down at my grandmothers farm when we lived there and all I wanted was the flower garden to be pretty how it once was, I had anger in me over 1977 with pauls milk company and a lot of things. swear i would seek revenege in the backseat, after that night princess diana and cunt cranky franky and co attacked us kids I swore I would seek revenege from 1977 -78 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl0oU6tCOqQ&list=PLDDEE6C3F518E3670 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DkENttQD1M&list=PLDDEE6C3F518E3670&index=2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzheO7UbJM0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72OznY9ByZo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HV https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OePvsCfKHJg I am not trying to be cool, its all because of you!

so why I was attacked at a party around xmas new year in 1978 or79 and they lifted up the car and ne...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

swear i would seek revenege in the backseat, after that night princess diana and cunt cranky franky and co attacked us kids I swore I would seek revenege from 1977 -78 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl0oU6tCOqQ&list=PLDDEE6C3F518E3670 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DkENttQD1M&list=PLDDEE6C3F518E3670&index=2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzheO7UbJM0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72OznY9ByZo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVGw50hvyVY

swear i would seek revenege in the backseat, after that night princess diana and cunt cranky franky ...

Pride, Abuse, Hate

well I didn't party for new year even as it is my birthday because of a selfish stalker I have no friends to share my love and time with because of this selfish coward stalker who is like some jack the ripper who is so coward can't even show his face to people and man up! anyway, I exercised instead as I like to do my workouts and just did mild tummy crunches and back arches and posture moves and went to bed at 10.30pm I don't drink alcohol and even quit sugar but had some cordial and some nice dessert but this morning woke in pain, so this happens every few months and which is why I was careful with the dumbells weights workouts in the last week but maybe I over did it more then I think. but I had to call the home doctor and most of this is from 2 car accident injuries and I was born with a slight curve of th spine which seems to run in my dads family. last new year I felt and injured old injuries and that has mad it hard because my back surgeon told me not to over do the exercising too much. but I find I enjoy exercise like it makes me feel like a real person in the heat working out to point of sweating it out makes me feel great to music. but the pain now is terrible. I am waiting to hear back from my surgeon and other doctor and get some stronger pain killers as I want to avoid the local hospital. it hurts to stand, walk, sit down get up or go to sit and laying down even hurts, I should be used to this pain. pain is all I have known while others have money and love and friends that care I am treated like a idiot when I have more going for me then most people do.

well I didn't party for new year even as it is my birthday because of a selfish stalker I have no fr...

Pride, Abuse

i am always right do not question me! I am so sure of myself I know I am always right ! do not bother questioning if I have decided its because I have picked up the cues and I know the attackers are tv media people pedophile rings with J&J and lux group and coca-cola cocaine pedos and if I want to tell tracy con job off for bullying me for her abusive games i will. if I want to tell her idiots on her show who are all con artist, actors playing a part as some game I will. I have already made it clear what i think of hetty that so called expert and where is her qualifications for her expert status???? I think she earnt them whoring! if you don't like what i have to say about priss princes and druggies too bad cuz I tell it like it is and tell the truth. and queen bitch can go shove her abuse and so can mellor and macbeth because I don't have to tolerate your bs and dirty games. you bullying dirty senile drug swilling alcoholic idiots.

i am always right do not question me! I am so sure of myself I know I am always right ! do not bothe...

Pride

so I guess people are wondering why I would chose a unknown model male over a prince of pris but I feel like I have known this model all my life. he is everything, everything a woman could want. its like the young police officer I met. when you meet someone that tall and big and strong and good looking with nice hair who acts like human rather then a drunken stupid druggy swamp rat you get the idea. I spend my new years in having massages and body scrubs and feet massage and tasting interesting foods and teas. I know class when I see it and as soon as I seen this male model it was like "you are exactly the sort of man that has just felt like I have known you all my life, I can feel you somewhere in my life since ever, and just had to say it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaJNytF0gNk ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3VDSzmbbJc; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCilhJ8MQiM

so I guess people are wondering why I would chose a unknown model male over a prince of pris but I f...

Pride, Love

I have a dislike for men with very wondering hands. I think the kindest thing a man ever did to me once was when I was at a party I was so nervous I was shaking and he could see and he held my hand tight under the table where no one else could see to comfort me as if it was our little secret. the party continued on while the idiots got drunk but I didn't get drunk and I don't think he did either. he seemed to be the only one that made much sense at that weird university party. I stayed alone in a room after things got too reckless for me.

I have a dislike for men with very wondering hands. I think the kindest thing a man ever did to me o...

Pride, Hate

I red care!

Pride