Confessions about 'Hate'

Page 67 of 244

i used to love my cats and i hate them now. i can't look after them with their sicknesses and my illness anymore. I have grown to hate their laziness and won't earn a wage to keep themselves and expect me to do all the work and spending and worrying and one refuses to take his medications. he has been warned if he doesn't he will end up a ugly hated cat full of skin diseases and die on the street if he does pull his weight and take his tablets. afterall he could think of me and consider my feelings and pocket in the whole thing for god sake! I love them but i hate everything and them because I can't give love when I never got enough love myself. that is how i feel about life now. you are a nothing unless you work and earn money or your scum. homeless people are scum, that is how the real people of this world think and I have to take off the caring heart and put on the mean girl mode to survive. I am just surviving i don't have the luxuary of love and things and no bastard has bought me a diamond fucking ring the sons of sluts. i hope all men die in hell. i wish i had of told leigh what i was thinking really that night. "what all these ugly old bastards?" it was just politeness and social graces that made me say something socially acceptable otherwise i would have said "I have seen more night life in a old peoples home you spastic whore bitch!"

i used to love my cats and i hate them now. i can't look after them with their sicknesses and my ill...

Abuse, Hate

i am sick of groups like aa alannon, asca all expect money to go to support group and where does the money go? it might not seem a lot by you pay out $5 for attending the meeting for room hire. raffle tickets and I can't afford their xmas dinner and parties and raffles, I can't even afford to have lunch with them and I don't like eating with people and like at the churches they over do this hugging non-sense. I do not want to be hugged by any or every man and woman. I don't mind an occasional hug but they want to kiss you on the cheek and its just a bother when I had a rash it hurt everytime someone wanted to hug me and i was like "look its not contagious but I don't want to be touched right now cuz it hurts" . i don't want old men hugging me either. i find it hard to go to aa etc for all the bible bashing shit they through at you. but strangely enough I enjoy doing readings and I occasionally talk about my own problems. I wish i could work in story narration or something. everything i want to do people tell me i can't do and i am sick of it. I should start doing that back to everyone i meet. see how they like it. i was told in pharmacy i don't have personality to do law and what a shame to hide away a lovely personality and friendliness like you with law and then i was told in other jobs - oh you won't be able to do that. its always the same. fuck i am sick of that. how about i go around putting everyone down around me telling them all what they can't do and see how they like it for 30 or 40 years. i pick at others faults now because for the last 45 years people picked on me so i do it to everyone now. even strangers.

i am sick of groups like aa alannon, asca all expect money to go to support group and where does the...

Abuse, Hate

i would be a nanny but i don't want to be bullied around. i want a nice family who will not abuse me, its like in an office or anywhere i want someone who won't abuse me.

i would be a nanny but i don't want to be bullied around. i want a nice family who will not abuse me...

Abuse, Hate

i want a job i did a uk nanny certificate and all i want is some part time work. i just wish i could find someone to trust in me for some work. i want to work part time. in office, or retail or anything humanable. i need the money. all i am expected to do is pay for my parents cruises and holidays all the time, food, pet bills, my own medical bills often come last. my education is expensive. i have a aunty who won $6 or million in lotto and her husband abused me and so have her kids and I just don't trust their daughter anymore. she has terrible children. at first I thought it was not nice of my aunty to be saying her granddaughter needed a kick up the bum all the time but she has been expelled 3 times from school and is not a nice person from what i have seen and how can you expect her to be with parents and grandparents like that. all my cousin does is show off at police men and other men when her father has been in jail, half of his family were in jail, he molested at me and my sister. they were in court cases and he was attacking people. my aunty says she doesn't miss him. I think of all the times i babysat those kids and i never once treated them less for what their father was. and I can see the mistake I made now. I had an attitude like "well if dad can't get work with all his skills and experience who the hell will employ me if i am some loser ugly kid who dropped out of school after being sexually attacked by a great uncle and I collapsed at school one day because someone put glass in the mince. i can't even look at stuffed capsicums anymore without fear and terror and trauma. I just want a job. i wish i had a zillion dollar walk in closet but gee it would be nice to be appreciated and loved and valued and earning money. i blame trevor for this because i am sure mr lanepain-in-the ass has been bad mouthing me. I worked during lunch breaks he doesn't even know about because he was too busy banging his wife at lunch breaks and the whole office was left to me to run while they were out partying. the same with other jobs. when I worked at the Mercurse hotel. I worked thru lunch breaks and didn't stop and I had a whole 24 room floor to manage to myself with penthouse suits and my boss trusted me. I did heaps of things and I want a bloody job!

i want a job i did a uk nanny certificate and all i want is some part time work. i just wish i could...

Pride, Hate

I'm unsure of this world I don't know what exactly to think about this generation anymore. All there left is s**, money, and loneliness. People are taking advantage of certain crimes ..... I feel like I shouldn't continue with my sentence and this confession anymore because it'll violate many of their feelings to something I'll regret writing about. Many people have "truly" been victims of certain crimes, and some people lie to get attention. It's hard to tell who's telling the truth. I hope people understand the importance of my message. It is a request to those who enjoy lying about certain crimes that has never happened to them or that they misinterpret. Accusing someone for doing something they never did can affect their mental state at the severe level. It is also a bizarre humiliation to those who's actually been real victims in real life. Please, stop where you at and think before acting upon certain situations. It's not funny within this world anymore. People are lost and in need for help. You can't take that right away from them because this is all they have to get out of the rut. Try healing yourself and let others heal as well.

I'm unsure of this world I don't know what exactly to think about this generation anymore. All ther...

Hate, Blasphemy

chris is a pain in the ass herself. no wonder her daughter doesnt get on with her if she helps others over her own.

chris is a pain in the ass herself. no wonder her daughter doesnt get on with her if she helps other...

Abuse, Hate

on dementia. spotting it in a loved one is painful. I have noticed in my father he is doing strange things like he spends hours a day at the table writing letters that are like bibles to long lost friends he looks up on electrol rolls and then he photocopies letters and thinks everyone wants to know him as if he is a celebrity everywhere we go. he waves at the bus driver who was waving at someone else and every time he goes to the doctor he has to stop in a chat to the people at the dentist and I am worried someone will complain about him doing these things as they are not normal to think everyone wants to know him. he smiles at people and gawks at women and and has his mouth open all the time and one eye closed to look at people which looks strange. all behavior his uncle used to do and he also eats with food dribbling down his face at home and out sometimes, shoving and gutsing into food like he can’t be filled and hungry all the time. he must listen to the funeral and death notices every day on the radio which is extremely depressing to my mother and me, he seems to think he has to “tell people his side of the story” what ever story it is ???? in the jobs he lost or was hurt at as if no one else in our family or in the world has been through work place bullying or sexual harassment (because some of us have been through rape and worse then he could imagine) and he constantly believes and says that I am writing naughty letters to people and a like my sister and I am my mother are children constantly checking up on us and over pedantic over how the washing up should be and answering phones and mail and yet he drinks a bottle of scotch a night (500ml) and sometimes has beer or wine with it. and he is moody, argumentative, accuses others of picking on him when we try to help me when he fell out of the train, yet he picks on all of us and can’t see it. he honestly expects me to pay for his holidays on cruises and says he won’t be able to pay me back later which worries me as he is becoming so vindictive and miserly and I fear what a dangerous crazed woman would do with his money and leave my sister and i bullied and abused by them and penniless. he has been out of work most of the 1990s and some of the 1980s and never completes education and thinks he is some academic and goes up to people introducing himself just because he has spoken over the phone and takes over friendships from my mother or me and copies things like he had to give my cat some several patte treats in one sitting to copy what I do with my cat and something is just not right in the brain and mannerisms and the ideas he has that he is some celebrity and wants to be respected as if we are living in 1700’s with some land Barron and we’re slave daughters to him. He honestly seems to think he is back in 1700s living some land barons life to order milk maids round homestead of some Mississippi old ramble bum dumpster colonialism home, what he doesn’t get is most women wouldn’t put up with his piggish mess and slop cleaning up after him and they are so rich they think he is a joke, we go to a scenic train trip and he though he was giving money to them to keep the business running and all it was was a slot machine for a souvenir non – monetary coin and he put on this big show of helping save the business giving a few chow as he says, and he used to make out his business was something over the top and he has about 7 huge cupboards full of junk newspaper clippings and hovel and won’t allow me to use any furniture for my room he uses them all for his paper filing of rubbish. Its not normal. my mother can see its not normal and we don’t know how to talk to his doctor. I go to Al annon which for non-drinking family members with an alcoholic in the family and all he does is act like we have made him this sad case man. he allowed his daughters to be molested by a man in his family and its caused serious problems and my mother and I have had enough of the jealousy, bitching and games and his almost defiant adhd child like behavior of a spoilt momma’s boy who needs to be a man and accept he is not 45 or 25 he is now 70 or more and young women don’t want some smelly weird man harassing him at the dentist workplace and before long someone is going to complain about the letters he is photocopying and it does not make sense. on the cruise i paid for recently he accused us of “bombarding him from all sides and bashing into his continuously” when all that I could see and hear was doing that was the whales protecting their young around the ship. its like he takes on things of others around him and worst is he will come up to the cats and put his bum to their face and fart in their face and things it is funny. we are just lost at how to handle this. can you help or suggest somewhere that could help? his GP is next to useless who he calls the broomstick) and all she says is “when are you expecting to him about his weight rather then checking up on him and my mother and I have felt for some time now he has been going around bad mouthing me and my mother and sister, when he has for years gritted his teeth and waved fists at us and even attacked me and warned me not to complain about a gynaecologist who was abusing me and didn’t take proper protective covers and I could have court HPV from this doctors weird acts and his weird staff. is this normal or like the behavior of someone unwell? or is it me, mum and others who are weird? even his former boss noticed it and his cousin that he is easily flustered and lost and dopey like with this constant open gaping mouth and one eye open looking at people and peering at women is off putting and weird. we meet a lot of women going through this at al annon, and children of drinkers who end up carers or just can’t hack it any longer and feel bad that they are not perfect for the alcoholic dementia patient. everyone has even commented how his sister is like this a female version of him and a cross of her husband mixed in and how a bunch of controllers and selfish people they are. people have even noticed it in my cousin and her obsession for school re-unions. not normal and this reference to this old poillion weirdo. his been trying to kill his daughters off with his son, that is what he has been doing, and my mother and sister and I dont like it and are a wake up to it.

on dementia. spotting it in a loved one is painful. I have noticed in my father he is doing strange ...

Abuse, Hate, Violence

so in two days its my birthday I'm turning 13 Yay finally a teenager last year I had two girls I hung out with the whole summer cause last year I had to move But only for a year. So This year I'm back at where a used to live and go to the same school as last time but I miss those girls lets name them Lynne and Cadence Well I wanted to hand out with them for when I'm finally a teen but my parents are working and can't drive me I said can't we have dinner down there and you can come back but I don't think thats gonna work out I also have a sister that had moved outing my dad is acting like my birthday can be rescheduled and I really just want to call it all off

so in two days its my birthday I'm turning 13 Yay finally a teenager last year I had two girls I hun...

Pride, Love, Hate

i will expose you. i think of all the times i have been wronged and i could kill a lot of people everyday.

i will expose you. i think of all the times i have been wronged and i could kill a lot of people eve...

Abuse, Hate

you have made one hard mean nut male our of me you have ! but does it even make you happy when your so pathetic that you need to do that so chocking up on your revenge old boy!

you have made one hard mean nut male our of me you have ! but does it even make you happy when your ...

Abuse, Hate

i am really worried about my mum she is on beta blockers and i was on them a few years ago some beta blockers mixed with another drug can cure cancer but being on them was hell. I couldn't walk and I had to lean on my mum a lot to just walk as a huge effort when i was sick. I am so worried about the plague in her lungs and her cough and weezing, and her elevated kidney issues are different to mine, that is why she had to go off her blood pressure medication and change. I just am worried. my dad smoked a lot around her and us as kids. he is the one who should lung problems not us. some days I am struggling to get full lung copacity and i follow this new wave exhaling technique which involves breathing in less oxygen but I do need some, as well and doctors have been trying to push me and my mother on to ventilin and asthma sprays for ages and i won't do it. i can't afford to risk the heart aspect of it unless they come up with something better. I can't bare being near people who smoke. I find smoking one of the most offensive acts out. i have seen people dying in hospital holding on to gas masks in waiting rooms falling asleep or dead for that matter in behind closed doors in waiting areas they like to hide you in and you hear really sick emergency patients with pnemonia chocking in rooms and everytime i see some loser smoking i feel like saying to them 'well mate when your dying gasping for air you will regret it" you can put it down to my own self inner wisdom having whooping cough a few times and swine flu but I don't want to get sick. i have to have more ultrasounds and the other ones came back clear but people have no idea of the pain i live in. doctors are supposed to treat pain. that is their oath. what about emotional pain and the loss of romance and marriage and children and constantly being bashed and moved on by men. first in best dressed is how men think so I do it back now in everything.

i am really worried about my mum she is on beta blockers and i was on them a few years ago some beta...

Hate

i have liver and kidney disfunction and auto immune disorder that can cause cancer if untreated aggressively and I have had ms for ages and i never told many people all that time I had it. what would be the point in telling them, its not like they would have treated me kinder. let's face it, they are what they are, and I am what I am!

i have liver and kidney disfunction and auto immune disorder that can cause cancer if untreated aggr...

Abuse, Hate

my sister hit one husband over the head with a broom and done more to other men. you'll find out what she is really like!

my sister hit one husband over the head with a broom and done more to other men. you'll find out wha...

Adultery, Hate, Violence

shove off Ken. stop stalking me. I am not interested in you. I don't want to know you. stop stalking me. you are spastic and stupid. no one here wants you around. your violent and crazy. fuck off abusing me at support group with your impostors. go away. no one here likes you.

shove off Ken. stop stalking me. I am not interested in you. I don't want to know you. stop stalking...

Abuse, Hate, Violence

stop stealing my money!

Abuse, Hate, Violence

i don't want your brother karen

Abuse, Hate

Confessions about 'Hate'

i would be a nanny but i don't want to be bullied around. i want a nice family who will not abuse me, its like in an office or anywhere i want someone who won't abuse me.

chris is a pain in the ass herself. no wonder her daughter doesnt get on with her if she helps others over her own.

i will expose you. i think of all the times i have been wronged and i could kill a lot of people everyday.

you have made one hard mean nut male our of me you have ! but does it even make you happy when your so pathetic that you need to do that so chocking up on your revenge old boy!

my sister hit one husband over the head with a broom and done more to other men. you'll find out what she is really like!

my brother broke my car and 2 other cars that were given to him

they break things I buy, my sister breaks everything, you'll find out!

you wrecked furniture, you wrecked cars and machines. you have wrecked lives. so wreck off! fucker.

i don't want to know jason n taxiride - they harmd me they weonhed me. i blame david.

shove off Ken. stop stalking me. I am not interested in you. I don't want to know you. stop stalking me. you are spastic and stupid. no one here wants you around. your violent and crazy. fuck off abusing me at support group with your impostors. go away. no one here likes you.

stop stealing my money!

i don't want your brother karen